Scooters, Music, Smokes and Sunshine

Well, my days of owning a scooter are quickly coming to an end. Yesterday the dealer came to pick up "my" scooter to service it. Evidently when they donated (sold) it to the benefit committee they simply took it out of the box and handed it over. So, there's no battery, no fluids, no nothing. When the guy came to get it, I explained the situation of how I hadn't intended on owing a scooter in this life time. He offered to buy it back from me, for $700! So, after talking the situation over with the other girl here in the office (to see if she or her family were interested), double checking with the boss man that none of his daughters wanted it, and making sure that hubby and I were on the same thought process - I'm making the call to let the guy know he can keep it and I'll take his money. What a relief.

Our office is pretty big but there are only 2 lawyers and 2 assistants. One lawyer has his office upstairs and the other at the back of the building on the main floor. My co-worker has an office at the back of the building, in addition to her desk in the "main" office, and I have my desk front and center in the main office. It's usually pretty quite in here, except for the constant hum of the industrial grade air purifiers we use to TRY to get rid of the smoke smell generated by my boss, the chimney. Since I'm ususally up front by myself I decided to bring in an old radio from home so at least I can have some action going on. We'll see how long I can get away with it before the uptight upstairs lawyer tells me it has to go. Not like I'm listening to gangster rap or anything - adult contemporary, nice office type music.

The chimney says he's going to quit smoking. Next week he starts some drug therapy that he has to take 2x each day. He thinks he'll be on that for 2 1/2 to 3 weeks and then just pick a day to quit smoking. Yeah right! The man is 60 and has likely been smoking for 40 or more years. Try to convince me that he'll be able to just quit on any given day. Whatever. He needs to concentrate more on the booze than the smokes if you ask me. Who knows, maybe he's starting with what he thinks will be the easiest to quit.

Today is my Friday. Yea Yea Yea! We've been plagued with babysitter problems so I just decided to take a day off to be a mom. It certainly didn't hurt my decision to do so that I don't work on Monday or Tuesday due to the holiday. So, hooray! I get a 5 day weekend!!!

On Monday, I have officially been a paralegal for 2 years. When I first started here my boss thought that he could have me pretty well at speed with his practice in a good 2 years. I told him during my interview that I'd prove him wrong and told him I'd be there in 1 year. I was right. As things stand the only thing I don't do is stand in court and argue a case. I have been in court with a client when my boss was out when he broke his hip. Both of our normal judges want me to go to law school. I've told them both that I would be happy to do so if one of them was willing to foot the bill and help me provide for my family at the same time. Strange, neither of them mention that they want me to go to law school anymore.

All things "Scooter"

I think I forgot to mention yesterday that my boss bought a 50cc scooter during the live auction portion of the benefit the other night. Surprisingly enough, he even remembered about it on Monday morning. That man was hammered, smoked, waxed, smashed or whatever other word you may use to describe someone who is drunk beyond belief.

Here's the thing - he doesn't want the scooter. So, guess where the damn thing is? My garage. Wonderful.

I guess the damn things getting titled in my name. Even more wonderful. So does that imply that I have to pay insurance on it? I didn't buy the damn thing, I didn't bid on the damn thing, and I certainly didn't ask or otherwise infer to my boss that I wanted him to buy it for me.

He's got kids younger than me, why doesn't he ask them if they want it?

You see, what I'm afraid of is that I won't get my annual pay increase if I accept the fricking scooter. News flash - a scooter ain't putting food in my cupboards or clothes on my kid. It's pretty much a no brainer when faced with the decision of the scooter or the money.

Besides, this whole scooter craze thing will likely dry up soon. Then what am I supposed to do with the stupid thing.

All I can say is ... Wow - Ow!

Ow
I'm actually lucky I can say anything at all. I was at the benefit Saturday from 3pm until 1:30am. I haven't seen this town at 1:30 in the morning since .... I don't even remember the last time I saw this town at 1:30am!

My feet don't hurt, which is unusual. I guess those crocs really are good for your feet. My legs on the other hand are killing me! They're still throbbing this morning and I was easy on myself all day yesterday. I'm exhausted too, I slept until 9:30am yesterday and would have been in bed longer but my mother in law came over for a visit so I figured I should drag my happy ass out to the living room. All day yesterday it was all I could do to talk. I swear I was screaming all day/night Saturday just to get myself heard over all the noise and loud music.

Wow
On a good note - we raised close to $70,000 at the benefit. There were no less than 800 people that were at the event, it was awesome! Many times through the night I found my eyes welling up with tears, the community support for this guy is unreal. I just hope that at least one person out of all of those in attendance will take the time to find out if they might be a match and be willing to give up a kidney. That would just be the icing on the cake.

That pretty much consumed my whole weekend. I was dreading it on Friday, but by the time Saturday came I was so excited to be a part of the whole experience. We've got a few more fund raisers lined up in the next couple weeks and we'd like to present the family with the money the first part of July. By then, we're hoping to be closer to $100,000, based on Saturday and the outpouring of support for this guy, I think we can do it!

A few things I've learned along the way

1. Exercising when you have a headache can either be a good thing, or a terribly bad thing. My attempt at running last night when I had the start of a migraine fell in the bad thing category.

2. Whenever you donate your time and energy to a cause/benefit, etc. and are required to wear a "special" shirt that signifies that you're part of the "team", it's evidently mandatory that the shirt be some god awful color you wouldn't think to wear in the first place, let alone wear again at any time after the event.

3. Piling all your filing up on a chair next to your desk for weeks on end rather than filing a little at a time as it's generated really makes for a wasted day when you finally decide it's time to file (only because the pile was at the same level as the top of your desk, a full foot from the actual seat of the chair).

4. Central air conditioning in June in Illinois is a wonderful thing when you are plagued with serious outdoor allergies (husband hasn't yet figured out that my eyes aren't always puffed up to the ginormous size they have been since he decided it was nice enough to turn off the air and open every fricking window in the house).

5. Having a child who is a mamma's girl can be wonderful and painful at the same time. Especially when you attempt to alter the routine of mommy taking the child to the sitters by daddy taking the child to the sitters.

That's about all I know today. My brain feels like a big puddle of goo inside my head. Could be the allergies, could be general lack of sleep. Who knows. For once I'm not really thrilled about it being almost 4:30 on Friday afternoon. I'm not looking forward to my weekly jaunt to Wal-Mart and not looking forward to wearing a fluorescent posting note yellow shirt all day tomorrow and being on my feet for who knows how long. (It's for a good cause, a co-worker of my husband/family friend is on the transplant list for a new kidney and this is a benefit to help raise money for medical bills since he hasn't worked in almost 2 years and has to have dialysis every other day at the tune of about $30k a month)

Is it Monday morning yet?!?

Finally!

I think law and order has finally be regained at my house. Hubby must have decided that being a prick doesn't get him much of anything around the house, so he stopped being a prick.

This morning was pretty funny. When it was time to hit the road for the babysitters is was pretty dark, we were on the verge of a pretty bad storm starting so it was all gloomy. As we're driving down the road my daughter tells me that I tricked her and got her good. When I asked her what she was talking about she said that I was driving her the the babysitters in the middle of the night. I tried to assure her that it was 7:30 in the morning, but she wasn't buying what I was selling. She finally realized it wasn't a trick when we got to the sitters and all the other kids were there.

I swear, I don't know where she gets some of her whacked out ideas. She has some come backs that are so funny, you forget that she's only 5. That could be a good thing, when her job as a hair cutter, animal cop, people cop, teacher doesn't pan out she's always got being a comedian to fall back on.

Eye doc last night and we both passed. She had a funny one there too. Our doc this time was a 40's, very attractive gentleman. I've been to him before but it's been a long time, however I do recall that my eyes did not hurt at all when looking at him. When we were in the car pulling away she says to me, "Mommy! That man was really cute!" Again, I remind you - she's 5!!!!! (and a half)

Had some good 'za for supper last night. We were almost a half hour late picking it up and it took us 20 minutes to get home but it was still warm and delicious and well worth all of it. Yum!

Finally, Maybe, Getting Somewhere

I think the hubby might be nearing the end of his man-stration period. Good god, it's about time.

I still have no idea why he got all pissy. I think it may have had something to do with my spending $142 of "his" money at Wal-Mart last week for groceries and such. I try very hard to keep it at or under $100 each week, but sometimes I just can't help it as it seems we run out of everything at the same time. I can't help it that I had to buy laundry soap ($10), cat litter ($10), contact solution ($10) and vitamins ($15) all at the same time. I suppose I could have tried to spread it out, but seriously - the only thing we could really live without for another week would be the vitamins.

It's complicated and strange. When I was married to my first husband I went postal when he told me he opened his own checking account and took his name off our joint account. Seriously postal.

So how bizarre is it that husband #2 and I have had two joint checking accounts, at two different banks, since before we got married. It was convenience at first. I was working out of town and couldn't get to our normal bank before they closed on Friday nights. That made my paycheck unavailable until Tuesday - that doesn't work. So we opened a checking account at a bank in the town I was working in so I could swing by there Friday night on my way home and deposit my paycheck, making the funds instantly available. It's kind of been that way ever since. Now both accounts are here in town and we divide the household bills. He pays for groceries, utlitiles, cell phones, insurance, etc. and I pay the mortgage payment and both vehicle loans. Works out pretty well except that he ALWAYS has cash in his pocket and ALWAYS has money left over after paying the weeks bills. Somebody is getting screwed financially and it looks as thought it's me!

Oh well. At least we had a civil conversation at lunch today. I reminded him that baby girl and I have eye doctor appointments right after I get off work so she's got to be cleaned up and ready to roll so we can hit it to the appointments. I then suggested that since I'll be out of town that I could bring home a pizza from one of our fav's over that way. He agreed and even suggested something else.

And then, he told me he loved me. Now that's progress people!

The Silent Zone - Day 2

All kinds of fun at my house last night.

It's very difficult to give someone the silent treatment when there's a five year old that doesn't shut up in your house. She's a smart one, let me tell ya. She's already figured out that Daddy is mad at Mommy but she can't figure out why. Hell, I can't figure out why.

I did call him at lunch today. Trying to waive the white flag a suppose. But, not 2 minutes into the conversation I again found myself saying "whatever. goodbye." and hanging up.

This is so not good for my blood pressure. My blood pressure meds are really getting a work out these past few days. I guess that's why I take them though.

This man needs a boot up side his head. I did draft the Petition for Dissolution, on a piece of paper with a pen. Still can't believe I've gone that far with it but I have endured so much of his bullshit I really don't care anymore.

So over this crap

Here I sit again, typing away as my blood boils over because of my husband.

After nearly 10 years of his crap, I thought I had become somewhat immune to the wise ass remarks and threats of any and all kinds.

I spent last night seriously trying to figure out how things would work if we got divorced. I've never been that far along in this thought process. I mean, I was seriously trying to figure out how we would split up what we have - SERIOUS thought.

So, I came to work this morning fully prepared to draft my own Petition for Dissolution of Marriage. I do them all the time, I know how to lay it out and I know all the facts. Wouldn't take but 5 minutes to do.

I talked to my boss. Told him what was going on, asked if he would help represent me, figuring I could do it myself, since I basically know how, when and what to do and I know the Judges in our court system. Damn it - he talked me out of it.

Dealing with all his bullshit is the main reason my life is such a mess. The man is never wrong, knows everything there is to know, has all the answers to all the questions. He tells me the best way to raise a child but doesn't do a god damn thing to help raise the child. I'm already a single parent, I'm just a married single parent - believe me, it happens more than you know.

Usually I call him at lunch every day and we talk about what's for supper and any breaking news developments. Today I didn't call. He made it abundantly clear to me last night that he wanted out. So, just before his lunch is over today my cell phone rings and it's him. "Too busy to call me today"? he says. I said "I thought you made yourself pretty clear last night that you had no need to talk to me". He wanted to act as if nothing had happened. Sorry buddy, been there - done that, too many times.

I don't know. This is adding more confusion to my already confused life. I love him, things like this have happened before and we usually pick up and move on. I'm just so sick of this shit. He treats me like I'm some idiot that he has total mind control over, like I can't have an opinion of my own and that his factory job is so much better than my job as a paralegal. He is so much like his dad it's disgusting. And, like his dad, he won't realize what he had until he doesn't have it anymore.

"D" Day

Well, today has started out pretty good but I don't know where it's going from here.

I actually woke up on time this morning, stuck with my first selection of clothing, my daughter agreed to dress herself, the dog did her business and came right back, and I managed to be the first one to the office. I also learned that my co-worker is going to talk to her lawyer boss and see if we can scat out of here early today since my lawyer boss is out of the office until Monday. Yipee!! I love it when that happens! I'd say I'm batting 500 as of 10:00am.

But, Jill is supposed to have the results from her MRI this afternoon. I'm trying to prepare myself for the worse case scenario. That way, if it is bad I won't be disappointed and if it's good I'll be excited. She's in Arizona, we're all in Illinois. That bothers me. That leaves her and my uncle to deal with all this alone. A phone call can be a great comfort when you're in the dumps but it's always so much better when you've got actual arms hugging you.

To date, no one has told me that Jill has x # days, weeks, months, years to live. I don't know if that's selective distribution of information or if it really hasn't been established. I don't know, I think I'd rather not have that information available to me. That would be more depressing, counting down her remaining time, than this situation already is.

We'll see. I know that the prayer line has been pretty busy lately with all our friends and family getting a good word in, I just hope the big guy is listening.

A day does make a bit of difference

It's true. I'm feeling better today. Still overwhelmed, but coping a little better.

I think the thing that threw me overboard yesterday was an email I received from one of my aunts. Last fall she was diagnosed with cancer, pancreatic - one of the worst kinds, and she had a follow-up cat scan done Wednesday. By the time she finally got the correct diagnosis (No thanks to the assholes at the Mayo Clinic) it was pretty much too late to do anything preventative. She's supposed to have test results Friday to know if the 30 some odd radiation treatments she did the first of the year have done anything to manage the growth of the tumor. She was also doing low dose chemo one time a week and has now started the full dose chemo pill treatment.

I've said before, I have a rather large family. In "normal" families, when someone is diagnosed with a terminal condition, things like this draw you closer together. In my family, it has driven us all further apart. All the cat fights between the sisters (my mom and aunts) have gotten way out of control and has put all of us kids in uncomfortable situations. If this is the way they react to a sister that's ill, what the hell are they going to do when grandma gets bad?!? I mean, lets be realistic, my grandma is 78 years old - this is going to happen sooner rather than later.

I have been openly honest with all of my aunts, my grandmother, my mother and all my cousins about my opinion of how they are dealing with this. I've told everyone - it's time this family faces the demons, starts acting like adults and leaves the bitchy-ness behind. We're all human, whether we want to admit/show it we all have feelings, and my guess is that we're all feeling the same way - that this is bad shit. We are not doing anything to help Jill with her diagnosis by turning on each other. She's at a time when she needs her family, her entire family, behind her for support. Certain people (Heidi) need to concentrate on what's going on right now instead of making sure they get what they want out of their dying sisters house. That's right people - she's d y i n g. People do not recover from stage 4 pancreatic cancer.

So, once again, since I am the "responsible" one in this whole fricking messed up family, I get to try to keep everybody in check. Believe me, I can bitch with the best of them, and I can hold things together when I need to, but I've come to the conclusion that I don't need to be the one holding this family together. We all need to deal with this now, before it's too late, so we can know that things were "right" with Jill when her time ends. And then, as a family, we'll need to try to pick up the pieces and move on. That's all you can do.

Like so many others....

Over the course of my life I have been able to "keep my demons in check" as they say. Lately, I feel like I'm losing that battle.

In a short period of time I've gone from being completely underwhelmed by my life to being completely overwhelmed by my life. I don't know if the depression bug has finally been able to dig under my thick skin but all I have to say is that this sucks major league.

One thing I know for sure is that I am not, will not, seek any sort of assistance from a shrink of any kind. Selfish? Sure. Stupid? Maybe to you but not to me.

Several years ago I had a spell where I couldn't sleep for about 2 weeks. I was tired, but my mind was racing a million miles an hour all night long. Somehow, I managed to maintain my daily functions to a somewhat normal degree, but I was so tired. I started by going to my GP. He tells me I'm manic depressive. What?!? Sends me to a shrink who has me complete a million fricking pages of life history. Bottom line, he tells me I'm harboring feelings that somehow I thought I was responsible for my parents divorcing when I was 3. What the fuck? My biological father is a worthless piece of shit that couldn't keep his dick in his pants and has a pathological need to abandon all children he spawned. Made that conclusion on my own after he allowed another man to adopt my sister and I and has continued to do so with all the other children he's had with other women. (smartest thing the jerk ever did) I hate the man and no one forced me to make that decision. (My sister wants to try to find him and let him know she has a daughter - so that shows we weren't "told" how to feel about this man) I told the shrink where he could stick his clinical impression of my life that he knew nothing about, went to the chiropractor and slept like a baby.

So, needless to say, my experience with psych people isn't good. I also had 2 roommates in college that were psych majors and they were the most messed up people I've met in my life. I came to the conclusion that people who were psych majors were the people who had their own bag of problems and instead of dealing with their stuff they would diagnosis and tell others how to deal with things. If you are/were a psych major and don't agree, sorry - my opinion and I'm entitled to it.

There is so much more that I could get into. I need to get it out somehow in an attempt at getting this dealt with. I don't have any girlfriends to work this out with, my husband ran all of them off. I can't talk to him about it, he's a huge part of the problem. I don't want to talk to my mom about it, I'm the emotionally strong one in our family. I drink, but I'm not a drinker and that would just make matters worse anyhow after the temporary alcohol induced numbness wore off.

I just need someone to talk to, that's been down this road, who isn't going to be judgmental at how I'm losing it over the most minute things. I know there are others feeling the same as me out there, finding them is the trick.

I think I'm going to start a journal of some sort. Maybe that will help me get the feelings out and help me deal with things a little better. I've never been much of a writer but I'm willing to try if it means lifting the fog that's around me.

Too much going on

Seems I had another weekend with too much going on, my stress level today - at work no less - has hit the roof and I can just feel my blood pressure raising. This fricking twitch of the eye thing is getting so incredibly old, I'm actually looking forward to going to the eye doctor next week because of it. (Not that I'm afraid of going, it's just another of those things I dread doing because it always seems to take so much time)

Yesterday my daughter and I were on our way to Peoria so she could try on her flower girl dress and we hit and killed a coyote. She was screaming that we had to go back and make sure he was ok. I was like, honey, he's dead, there's nothing we can do for him. She didn't give up and neither did I. I wanted nothing to do with coyote blood and guts. Hell, I didn't even want to hit the damn thing but I couldn't help it. I tried explaining to her that I had no other choice, we had a car on the side of us and more behind, if I had slowed down any more than I did it could have caused a serious accident and maybe we would have been hurt. I guess I was trying to rationalize things to her that his death was a lot less significant than a human getting hurt or killed because we stopped so as not to hit it. Whatever, it didn't work and she was all worked up the whole day. She was even looking to see if he was laying in the median when we were on our way back home.

The weather here took a crap real quick on Friday. We went from high 80's to low 50's in just a few hours. Sux. Just when I got used to wearing shorts and sandals I had to dig my pants and socks back out. Crummy Illinois weather.

Got myself a totally cool new pair of Croc's over the weekend. They are red and white tie dyed and the strap is blue with white stars. Those things are soooo comfy, wish I could wear them to work. Wouldn't that look cute?

Thank you - Thank you very much

Last night I was at the local fitness center doing my normal exercise routine. I was running on the treadmill, had my iPod cranking out some jamming tunes, eyes glued to the boob tube in front of me - minding my own business.

A young kid, around 18/19, comes and gets on the treadmill next to me. He had his choice of ANY treadmill in the facility since it was pretty dead, yet he goes for the one right stinking next to me. Evidently, the sound of the music coming out of my iPod and the way I was in a trance like a deer in headlights watching the TV indicated to him that I wanted to talk.

It happened to be a night I was wearing one of my old college T-Shirts, one from my "greek" days, if you know what I mean, that didn't have a year on it. It's the only one like that, all my others have either 1994 or 1995 on them.

So, this kid says to me:

Kid: "Home for the summer?"
Me: "What?"
Kid: "Are you home from school for the summer?"
Me: "I've been home from school for the summer for a long time"
Kid: "Really? Where do you go to school?"
Me: "I'm not in school."
Kid: "So you graduated?"
Me: "Nope."
Kid: "Did you take a term off?"
Me: "Nope."
Kid: "Oh. I don't get it. "
Me: "I'm not in school anywhere. I work full-time and I have a 5 year old."
Kid: "Wow. You must have been really young when you had your kid. You can't be much more than 25."
Me: "What?!?"
Kid: "You can't be much more than 25."
Me: "I'm 34"
Kid: "Wow. I can't believe I was hitting on a 34 year old with a 5 year old."
Me: "And a husband."

At this point the kid quickly stops his treadmill, gets off and practically sprints out of the place. Sorry buddy, you get an A for effort. And you made my day.

I know I look young, I still get carded when I'm by myself (not when I'm with hubby) buying beer. But holy crap! This kid thought I was 25! Hot damn that kid made my night!

Saved ... I think

Shortly after my post earlier this morning the ex came on messenger and sent me an IM that he just found out he wasn't coming to IL today after all.

Whew.

I can't begin to tell you how relieved I am. I mean, it's a bummer that he isn't coming, but what a relief that I don't have to ward off all of his charms. Things are sooo much easier when he's 1,300 miles away.

Anyway, I get to have some quality "girl" time tonight with my daughter since the hubby has a meeting that starts right when I get off work. We get to eat mac-n-cheese and go to the fitness center and hang out. Now THAT is something I'm looking forward to!

It is funny how this is the third time the ex was supposed to be in IL and every time something happens at the last minute that we aren't able to connect. I'd say that someone is seriously trying to tell me something here! I'm listening - I just don't hear you. (similiar to how things operate at home with my husband and child) Anyway, he's supposed to be back in August to bring his kid back, I have some serious doubts that it will happen, the kid is flying as an unaccompanied minor for the first time from O'Hare to Fort Myers, FL. Something tells me that if it works out this time, it's going to continue that way.

So, my word for the day is ....... relief. Now if I could just get my damn eye to quit twitching!

I told you I was disfunctional

So, the more I think about meeting up with the ex, the more I want to run and hide under a rock.

I want to see him, I want to talk to him. I don't want to do anything else. Believe me, I'm a pretty strong willed woman (aren't we all?) but this one knows how to crack the code.

Is this whole situation messed up or what? I've always tried to stay friendly (NOT friends with benefits) with my previous boyfriends. I have to, I live in a very small town and chances are we're going to run into each other at some point in time. No matter how pissed off I was, or how bad I wanted to get rid of the jerk, I stay peaceful. Besides, you never know when you might need to call in a favor from the people you despise - I learned that lesson all too well.

So, here I am. Putting a whole lot of thought into something I shouldn't have to. I think what makes this one so hard is that he was "the" guy for me, or so I thought, he obviously didn't think likewise of me. Anyway. It makes me angry to think that at the time we were together he was sort of ambition-less. Now he's living in a half-million dollar home and has all the bling to go along with it.

I don't know. I'm sure I'll still go see him - IN A PUBLIC PLACE - this afternoon. Anybody have any words of wisdom? I could sure use them.

Hip Hip Hooray

He IM'd me today.

Behold the power of blogging!!!!!

We talked pretty much all morning. It's like we just picked up right where things left off a few months ago. I'm excited and scared at the same time. He said when he sees me he's going to give me a kiss, he hopes with tongue. That won't happen, I am married after all.

I'm just glad he got back in touch, I miss talking to him - and I told him so.

Do you think it's possible....

....to get the DT's due to the lack of IM/email contact from..... a guy?

I don't know, but I think I'm there. It's the resurfaced ex-boyfriend, my "what if" guy. See, we had been talking (IM's really) almost every day for a good strong 2 months. I went on vacation the early part of March, got back and he had sent me several emails wondering if I was still alive. The ruling came back from the Judge about custody of his son in his divorce case - he was trying to get full custody, and didn't. He even went so far as to call my cell phone immediately after he got the fax from his lawyer. Unlucky for him, I was in an airplane on my way back to Illinois from Arizona and didn't yet have voice mail on my cell.

We did talk briefly after that, for about 2 days. I haven't heard from him since. His son is here, in IL in the town where I live. He's a year older than my daughter, so they go to the same school (well, they will, mine starts kindergarten in August). I went to the kindergarten open house and they give you a calendar of all the days in the school year that they don't have school, spring break, etc. Being the nice ex-girlfriend that I am, I scanned it in and emailed it to him so he would know when his kid wasn't in school if he wanted to either come to IL to visit him, or fly the kid to FL. Still no response.

I know he isn't dead, his lawyer was in court yesterday to get him extended summer visitation. I was there when they ruled and he gets his kid next week. I was seriously expecting to here from him today, telling me he was going to be in town to get his son. Nothing.

Here's the thing - I miss talking to him. When we bumped into each other last year we did things a whole lot differently than we did when we were together - we talked. I mean, we REALLY talked - about our lives, our current relationships, our kids, and why we didn't work and how we would now if circumstances were different. (Not to say that the converstation didn't turn to wanting to screw the brains out of the other, but that didn't happen.) I guess I feel like one of my friends has up and deserted me, and I want them to come back and talk to me.

Got that Eric?