Remind me again - Why do I live in Illinois?

I

H A T E

T H I S

W E A T H E R ! ! !

Hate it, with a passion.

As I've aged I've come to the realization that I'm not cut out to live in cold climates. I hate cold weather, I hate snow. I wasn't always like this, just within the past 15 years or so.

When I was a kid we would play for hours on the big snow pile in the parking lot near our house. When the city street crews would plow Main Street they would scoop up all the snow piles and strategically place them in various parking lots throughout town. These piles were HUGE. The whole group of kids in our neighborhood would be there playing King of the Mountain, digging tunnels, building forts, having snowball fights. All the fun things. Evidently we were immune to frostbite or were having so much fun that it just didn't matter.

Now thoughts of doing things like that make me shiver.

Last Saturday I went Christmas shopping and I had on pants and a long sleeve shirt, no coat even left my house that day. It was awesome. As I was out and about I saw tons of people who either had already put their Christmas decorations out or were in the process of doing so, it was all kind of surreal. I guess it's just been beaten into my brain that there has to be snow for it to be Christmas.

So, as I sit here on the eve of what could be the worst winter storm in this area ever (we're predicted to get anywhere from 8-20 inches of snow tonight/tomorrow) I'm faced with the reality that I will always live in Illinois and there isn't a damn thing I can do about it - unless I decide to divorce my husband and go on my own.

Ain't no thang

It's official - I conquered Freeport. We got into town nearly an hour earlier than the scheduled closing and we were planning to get a quick bite to eat before heading to the Title Company. It was down in the heart of the old business district and my grandma wanted to find some little "diner" type place to eat. She's not in to the whole fast food scene.

So we drove around and around trying to find something without much luck. We finally agreed to get a bite after the closing since it likely wouldn't take much time. If you don't know Freeport, which I didn't, nearly every street is one-way and they apparently don't believe in stop lights at major intersections.

While we were driving my Aunt called my cell and we were chatting as we were looking for someplace to hang out. She was on her way and was going to meet us. She asked me where I was and when I gave her the cross streets she immediately said "GET OUT OF THERE FAST! YOU'RE IN THE 'HOOD!"

PaShaw. Ain't skeered.

When I got off the phone my grandma asked me what all the screaming was about on the other end of the phone. When I told her we were apparently in the 'hood she first didn't get it. Then she said she's glad I didn't react differently when hearing that or she would have probably had a heart attack. Don't need that.

I managed to drive aimlessly around the 'hood without incident and even found our way back to where we were supposed to be.

The 15 minute closing ended up taking over an hour due to some unforeseen complications on the part of the sellers. So, when we finally got out of there and got to a place to eat it was past 2pm. Forget lunch - I got ice cream!

I put nearly 200 miles on my car in the course of 5 hours and my ass hurt so bad from doing so much sitting. Still figiting today as I sit at my desk.

Still having problems with Baby Girl at school. Any suggestions offered would be greatly appreciated. I don't get why she's like this. She doesn't get away with the crap she's pulling at school at home. She got a timeout from the PE teacher yesterday for arguing. For some reason we can get her to knock off the physical stuff (pushing, poking, etc.) but can't get her to shut her trap. Nothing is ever her fault and that needs to stop at once. She didn't get to watch any of her Disney Channel shows last night and she was irritated for sure. She might not even get them tonight to make our position that this needs to stop now a little more clear to her.

We've even told her that Santa is watching and seeing that she isn't being good. With 21 items on her wish list she better buck up pretty damn fast or she isn't getting much from Santa.

I Survived!

Well, I somehow managed to make it through not one but two family Thanksgiving functions. Amazingly enough, the one for my family was nice.

One of my Aunt's (I have 6 on my mom's side) called to say that she was having a little something on Turkey Day for those who didn't have anywhere else they had to be. So, I signed us up. I don't know why I was thinking it would be a small crowd, there's no such thing in my family, ended up being 25 of us. I had the difficult task of bringing rolls and drinks. I was thinking about throwing a kegger, but it didn't happen - too many little kids. As usual, I ate waaaay to much. Love those taters!

Friday we were at my husband's mom's for round 2. Smaller crowd this time, still ate too much, no drama.

Baby Girl and I (how stupid was this) hit Kohl's at about 10am to see if we could find some good deals on "Black Friday". We did good in the bargain department but not so good in the cooperate with Mommy department. Note to self: NEVER take a child shopping with you on Black Friday.

Saturday I did some more shopping, minus child and husband, and was able to get about half of my list of things to buy for every fricking person in our families done. Still have to do all 3 sets of parents but I think I'm just going to do gift certificates to the local meat locker. Easy, affordable, something everyone will use. One stop shopping of sorts.

Tomorrow I have to take my grandma to Freeport. Yipee! I was hoping she'd get her appointment scheduled for today so I could extend my holiday weekend a little longer but no such luck. Oh well, it's still a day off no matter what. I'm just not looking forward to 4 hours in the car with her. I love her don't get me wrong, but she has an opinion about EVERYTHING and she's not afraid to share it.

In a couple weeks my mom and dad will be home for Christmas for 2 weeks. Mom has been trying to bribe my daughter into being good at school until Nanny gets home. Last week was easy since they only had school 3 days, got out early on Wednesday and spent the afternoon on Wednesday at the movie theater watching Happy Feet. The week before she was really good - up until afternoon recess on Friday. Man, what a way to blow it.

That's about it. I thought I would have more family drama to write about but for once, my family has acted like adults. I'll have to mark that on the calendar.

Blast from the Past

The other day when I was at the courthouse in my normal course of business I had a nice chat with one of the ladies that works over there. She's been there for a bijillion years but she just recently transferred to a different department. We get along ok, she's older and has girls about the same age as me. While chatting we discovered (alas - remembered) that her youngest daughter and I had something in common - a boy.

Her daughter dated the same guy I did. She dated him before me and they had been apart for nearly a year when he and I started dating. *God I loved him* He was a farm boy and at that time there was nothing I wanted more than to be married to him and pop out kid after adorable kid. We were almost engaged, until I told him I was going to go away to school.

See, that's where he got burned by this other girl. She went off to WIU but they kept dating. He would go there or she would come home most weekends in the beginning. Then she started making excuses about why she couldn't come home or why it would be a waste for him to go there. He missed her so much that one weekend he decided to hop in his truck and make the over 3 hour trip there and surprise her. You guessed it - he was the one who was surprised, he found her with another guy.

Fast forward to our relationship. We were together for almost 2 years when the time came for me to head off to EIU. I told him how I felt, that I would stay home and not pursue my career/education if it meant we would stay together. I tried to make him understand that I wasn't her and that I would never, could never, do what she did to him. It was pointless - in the end we broke up 2 days before I went to school. I cried like a baby for nearly a week.

We kept in touch. His mom passed away from a long struggle with leukemia while we were together. He was young, 20ish, and he was devastated when she passed. It was hard on all of us - she was a wonderful, strong, courageous, determined, amazing woman. He took to my mom almost immediately and she in turn filled the void the death of his mother created. So, while I was away at school being miserable without him, he was having dinner with my family almost weekly. No kidding. There were times when I would come home for the weekend and mom would say "make sure you're around on Saturday night, we're having a family dinner" and sure enough - he was there. Those nights were hard for me. I was so happy to see him and it was as if we always picked up right where we left off emotionally. Then I would have to turn around and head back to school and know that because of that we weren't together. He came to visit me at school a few times. It was good, incredible.

He came to realize that I wasn't like her. But, like her, I lived in a co-ed dorm. Mine was all upper-classman and all suites. I lived with 3 other girls and we had a living room, 2 bedrooms and a bathroom in our suite. On one side of us were 6 guys, on the other were 3 guys, and across the hall were 6 guys. I had boy friends but never a boyfriend.

In the end - we went our separate ways. I married my loser ex-husband and he married his everybody-thought-she-was-a-dyke ex-wife. He's remarried. I'm remarried.

I saw him last in September of 2000. I was 6 months pregnant with my daughter. We ran into each other at the annual festival parade and talked for merely a few minutes. He told me I'd never looked more beautiful - I still remember how that made me feel. It was by far one of the kindest things anyone said to the pregnant me when I felt like I had swallowed an oversized watermelon.

I haven't seen him since. Oh sure, he and mom still chat from time to time. She brings him up to speed about where I am, how I'm doing, how old my daughter is. And she tells me she saw/talked to him and he asked how I was, said hello, etc.

Monday afternoon I had an email from classmates.com that someone had signed my guestbook ~ it was him.

Strange. It was Monday when Connie and I were talking about him and reminiscing about how wonderful he was then. I haven't been back over there since, but when I go again I'm going to make sure I tell Connie that happened. It's too deja vu for me.

Priceless

I surely got my high quality laugh value out of the way early this morning.

Eric showed up online at about 8:30 this morning. He was wanting to know when grade school here had Christmas Break. If you remember, his lawyer is going to court this afternoon to get him visitation.

So, while I'm chatting off and on with him his ex-wife comes in for her appointment with my boss. I talked with her on the phone the other day and she had no idea at all who she was spouting off to.

The look on her face when she walked in the door and saw me sitting here - P R I C E L E S S!!! If I had to describe it, I'd say it was about 75% extreme shock and 25% "Oh Shit!" She looked like she wanted to puke right then and there.

Too funny.

Evidently she talked a good talk to my boss. He's thinking about getting in on her case. The lawyer she has had the whole time hasn't followed through on a lot of things. That isn't typical of him and my boss can't figure out why he would leave things hanging in the manner that he has.

H E L L O ? How quickly do we do things when the money runs out or quits flowing? Not too hard to figure out. I made the comment to him that it wasn't typical for this other lawyer to be that way and told him that my hunch was that she owed him a lot of money. He says "She told me she keeps paying and paying him and it's getting anywhere".

I thought this guy was smarter than this. He's been practicing law for 35 years. You'd think he'd be able to figure situations like this out a little easier than that. But, I've quickly learned one thing about my 61 year old divorced boss. If it wears a skirt and acts the least bit interested in him - it's as if he's blind.

I know - ewwwwww!

Between a Rock and a Hard Place

Oh, you have no idea how Freudian this could get.....

I have taken all necessary steps physically and mentally to distance myself from Eric, the ex-boyfriend. If you recall, he got divorced from his second wife in our county here in Illinois rather than in Florida for some reason. Ex-wife number 2 lives in the same town as me, and has been dating a friend of my husband for over a year now. Lucky lucky me. Oh yeah, and I H A T E this woman. Oops! Did I say H A T E? I really meant D I S P I S E. Really there isn't a strong enough word for my feelings about this woman.

So the other day she calls our office to schedule an appointment with my boss. She wants to hire him to get what she hasn't already got out of Eric with her present lawyer. She obviously has no idea it's me she's talking to and starts trash talking Eric like I would have no idea who he is, so why not trash talk him.

She's gonna be 14 shades of pissed off when she comes in here this week and discovers that it's me she went on a tangent to.

It will be nearly impossible for me not to take his side in this case, no matter who our client is. I have known the reputation of this woman since grade school. She's a skank white trash whore. Her criminal record is longer than my arm. Bottom line, she's no good and how the two of them ever hooked up is still beyond me.

I'll admit that I think Eric is terminally flawed. But he's really trying to do what's right for his son. I told him last year that I would testify on his behalf at any custody hearing in an attempt to get him his son. That still stands today. He's a good guy.

I'm emotionally attached.

Why my entrance application would totally rock

I know I've mentioned in the past that there are many around me who think I should have a career as a lawyer instead of wasting my time pretending to be one while only being paid to be a paralegal. I had yet another praise session today, had one from a client yesterday, you get the point.

Here's the deal. I don't want to be a lawyer. I know I could, that isn't at issue. I have a family, a little bit of a life, and no money to spend on law school. Never mind not having the desire to go to school for any purpose. I'm not a "school learner" - I learn by doing.

So yesterday a client comes in and is telling the other girl here in the office, who has been a legal secretary basically half her life (she's been at it for nearly 30 years I would guess) that her best friend told her to come here because Matt's secretary is so sweet, telling her how Matt's secretary sat with her in court the day she was sentenced for her criminal case, etc. You guessed it - I'm Matt's secretary.

I'll admit, I was there and I did sit next to her. But I was there to experience my first criminal sentencing hearing - it just happened to be her getting sentenced. She's a really sweet lady and to this day I don't believe she's guilty of what she was convicted of. And I've told her that on numerous occasions.

So today, I had to take something to the courthouse for my boss and the jury room was full of various lawyers and both of our local judges. One of the lawyers sees me walk in the room as says "There's the greatest legal secretary this county has seen in a long time" and both judges agreed, as well as most of the lawyers in the room. (There were a couple I had never met before) I graciously thanked them all for their kind words and was about to leave when I heard "Let's all sit down right now and write her a letter of recommendation and get her into law school". Both judges chirped up to say that they've encouraged me several times in the past to no avail.

So, as I was walking back to our office I got to thinking. If I had to list references for a resume, entrance application, or otherwise I could potentially blow the competition away on references alone. Here's what I came up with:

Circuit Judge, Associate Circuit Judge, Circuit Clerk of our county, Circuit Clerk of the county next to us, no less than 15 local attorneys, the former Circuit Clerk of our county who is now the Chief of Police in a neighboring community, the local County Sheriff and half the Sheriff's Department, and the local Chief of Police - to name just a few.

I don't know. That could be intimidating or could make someone feel that maybe I'm over qualified.

Anyway you cut it though - THAT WOULD TOTALLY ROCK!

Panic on Main Street

This morning was exciting. Around 10am I heard sirens, which isn't really that unusual or noteworthy, but they stopped really really close to our office. When I say sirens, I mean S I R E N S. I think the city pulled every piece of emergency equipment out of the barn for this one.

Next I see a Police Officer running from building to building on the other side of the street. He's going in businesses and people are running out after him. So, I'm thinking we'll be greeted in the same manner at some point in the near future.

My officemate and I start looking out our nice big picture window to Main Street. We're chatting about where we'll go when we're told to evacuate. Thinking about how great it's going to be to have a little extra "free" time away from work this morning. As we chat we keep watching the events unfold outside.

The street is blocked by emergency vehicles in both directions. Cars are turning around in the middle of the road to back track and get the hell out of here. People are running (ok, quickly walking) away, all the while looking behind them. Red and Blue lights are flickering everywhere. The street is covered with people in uniform.

Suddenly it hits us - the smell. It's a natural gas leak. We've both started to feel the effects of the odor, the funny taste in your mouth, a sudden headache from the fumes.

Surprisingly, no one ever comes to evacuate us. It looks as though all our neighboring businesses have, but then again - we have an empty store to our south and a family run jewelry store that's hardly ever open to begin with to our north. We start to wonder - do they have something against us because we work for lawyers?

Then we hear from some emergency personnel on the street that our side of the street is safe, the leak is across the street.

Whew. Thank God that if/when that thing blows we'll be all the way over here, on the other side of the street! How can we NOT be safe with those 50 feet across the road on our side?!? Are these people insane?!? If anything blows across the street it's certain doom for us all. The local grease pit "restaurant" is over on that side of the street. If there's any sort of flame - that place will be burning for weeks!

Too much excitement for me - I went to lunch. It was nice to be at home and get rid of my headache. Too bad it came right back as soon as I sat back down at my desk.

It doesn't appear anything blew up and traffic on Main Street is back to normal. Bummer.

Well, I guess I should be happy - I have completely quit having dreams about Eric.

The problem is, now my psyche has found a new somebody for me to have dreams about and I'm not liking it. I'm now having dreams about my ex-husband. Not steamy dreams or anything like that - he just started popping up at strange times and places.

Again, it's weird. I run into him on occasion - my god, we live in the same town of 7,500 people, it's virtually unavoidable. Usually we're both at Wal-Mart at the same time and place. It isn't awkward anymore when we do run in to each other. I mean, we've been divorced for over 10 years and I can't say our marriage, all 8 months of it, was anything to remember. We were kids and had no reason to be married to each other. Water under the bridge.

Besides, he's divorced for the second time and dating a heifer nearly 10 years younger than him. Meanwhile, I've been married for just over 8 years and nearing my pre-baby weight for the first time in over 6 years. I workout no less than 4 times a week and have a "2-pack" while working toward the 6-pack (abs I mean).

I think my wiring has gone bad. That's the only explanation that makes any sense. I have no feelings toward my ex-husband at all - I don't hate him (anymore), I don't like him (wonder if I ever really did), and I don't want to be his friend. I speak to him because it's the polite thing to do.

One of these days I'm going to find some super smart brain surgeon person and together we're going to invent a way to have your memory purged of all the old stuff you don't need anymore. Kinda like when you empty the delete box on your computer. God knows I've got so much unnecessary crap stored in my head - sometimes it's a wonder I can remember the things I need to.

Still recovering

This week has been pretty much a blur. I can't believe it's Friday already.

Monday my daughter and I got our flu shots first thing in the morning. I know I've said it before, but I absolutely hate getting shots. I know there's no way around it, so I deal with it. My daughter on the other hand, does not know how to deal with it. I told her I'd go first so she could see that it didn't hurt (it hurt like hell but I wasn't about to let her know that!) and that there was no sense in getting all worked up. When it was her turn she tried hiding behind me and for a minute I thought she was going to crawl up inside my ass. We finally got her on the table and hog-tied so the nurse could stick her, but she screamed bloody murder the whole time. Should have known, what with the episode with school shots. She wasn' t as bad as when she got school shots, I thought she was possessed then, but I'm sure 1 shot versus 4 has a lot to do with that.

She went off to school and I went off to work. My arm hurt for a good day or two and she still has a small bruise on her leg but has said it doesn't hurt or bother her.

Tuesday I got my car back. YEAH! I've been taking extra long getting around town now to make up for my 5 days without it. Looks good and it cost me nothing. Even better.

Wednesday I was home sick. I wasn't really sick so much as I just didn't feel right. I probably could have come in to work, but I didn't even have the energy to put make-up on let alone what I would have had to deal with here. So, I slept for about 4 hours in the morning and got all my normal Wednesday night chores (laundry) done in the afternoon. I can't stand being home sick. I hate all the crappy daytime TV bull. When I go home for lunch everyday I end up watching The People's Court and that kind of stuff.

We had two beautiful Indian Summer days this week. Wednesday it was 73 and yesterday it was 71. Awesome for early November. It would make me so happy if it just stayed like that until Spring. But, today it's in the low 50's and it's more than misting but less than raining out and it's yucky.

My dad's birthday was last week and I found something really cool that we bought for him from the little girls (aka granddaughters). Sharper Image had a remote controlled 57 Chevy Bel Air convertible. My dad has a 58 Chevy Bel Air. So, we had it sent out to Arizona and he got it Tuesday. He was laughing like mad. He loves it! My mom sent an email to their car club buddies here in Illinois that he got a 57 Chevy Bel Air convertible for his birthday, she's failed to mention that it's a remote control car.

Nothing much going on around here. I'm going to have to start planning for Baby Girl's 6th birthday next month. It sucks that she was born right before Christmas when it comes time for planning a party. Oh well, we've managed to make it work so far.

Small scale relief

Well, my "little talk" with my boss has finally paid off - literally. My raise was reflected in my check for this week. It isn't exactly what I was hoping for, but it's close and I've been promised more in the not too distant future. I'm going to make sure he holds up his end of the bargain. I still don't think I'm getting paid what I'm worth, but come on, who really does? Well, ok, maybe Bill Gates.

My car is in the shop as of 7:45 this morning. At least the loaner I got from the dealership is somewhat of the Cadillac of their loaner fleet. I'm now driving a 2001 Chrysler Intrepid. Believe me, it's nothing like my 2005 Nissan Altima, but it's wheels and it's decent - not like the piece of shit they gave me to drive when the van was in the shop that ultimately lead to our purchase of the Altima. I do miss my car though.

Parent teacher conferences last night with Baby Girl's kindergarten teacher. Things are good. I don't know how it happened but our daughter is a smart one. The teacher praised us many times for whatever it is we're doing with her at home. We don't really do any "teaching" type stuff. We've just never talked to her like a child. We try to make her understand the consequences of her actions/choices and make sure that the outcome is as we described. She loves to color, and it shows in her school work. She's got a great imagination, though I would think that any only child would have that since they have to be able to entertain themselves all the time. Her teacher showed us a project they did that helps the teaching staff determine needs of each child and said that Baby Girl's is now what she would expect at the end of the school year.

What a relief.

I have a weekend jam packed full of nothing this week. I'm glad. That means I can sleep in, lounge around in my sweats and generally be a couch potato. I need that, I really really need that.

Fall in Illinois is starting to give way to old man winter. YUCK! I don't know how I continue to deal with the ickyness that is winter in Illinois each and every year. I hate the cold. I hate snow. My ideal home would have temps of no less than 70 degrees year round. I don't care if my lawn has to be green spray painted rocks, I'm allergic to grass anyway. I don't care if I never see another white Christmas. I would rather take extra clothes off than put extra clothes on. The thrill of frozen boogers early in the morning has long gone - give me sunshine 24/7 and I'm good.

Well that takes care of THAT

I talked with Eric today for over an hour. It was good. Lots of laughs, as usual. We'd been going for about half an hour when he dropped a bomb.

He got married a week and a half ago.

Not that I'm surprised, really, I'm not. When his divorce got finalized a little over a year ago I asked him when wedding number three would take place. I knew it would happen sooner or later. He married his girlfriend of about 3 years. I'm glad. I hope it sticks.

I'd say I hope he's faithful to her, but I already know that won't happen. Right after he told me he got married he told me he still wants to hook up with me if he makes it back to Illinois to see/get his son. Part of me wonders if he hasn't already screwed around on her. I seriously wouldn't put it past him.

See, Eric is a player to the nth degree. He's good looking, and he knows it. He could sell ice to the Eskimos he's so smooth, and he knows it. I think to him it's a game of seek and conquer, and he always wins.

Now you can understand why (1) we didn't last very long and (2) he's on wife # 3.

I feel sorry for her. Like she probably has no clue he's doing what he's doing. I'm sure of it. Would you let your now husband continue to make trips to Illinois where his two ex-wives and an ex-girlfriend live without being concerned? Not me!

So. I guess it's just a matter of time now before she's decided that she, like the two wives before her, has had enough of his bullshit and takes him to the cleaners.

At least he got his nuts cut and can't have anymore kids. There is a God!!!

So. Eric, man of my dreams (no really, I have dreams about him), I'm afraid I'm going to have to find another man to dream about. I'm so done with you.