It's My Life....Like it or not

They say 40 is the new 30.....

2011-04-21T10:00:00.002-05:00

and if that's the case, I'm quickly approaching my 29th birthday. I know, it's really my 39th, but hey - worth a try!

Right now I'm not having any issues with turning 39 this year. That may change though as time goes on and this time next year I may be singing a different tune. When I was in my teens and 20's I always thought that 40 was so old. Like it was two steps away from senior citizen discount age. Yet here I am, 369 days away from being 40, and I don't feel old at all.

I've been living this life for 14, 238 days and think I've got at least another 15,000 in me - God willing - and plan to live every one of them the best I can. Not just for me, but for my family and friends.

In these 14, 238 days I've accomplished a lot, missed out on a lot, been too scared to do a lot, lost a lot of people, made a lot of new friends and wished I'd done a lot of things different.

But, when it all comes down to it I can't think of one thing I would change if I had the chance. Believe me, I've thought long and hard on this one over the years. And although I wish I could change the circumstances of a few situations (how and why I've lost those I love - to cancer, suicide, horrible car accidents) I've been made stronger because of them. I've been made to realize that these things do happen to me, my family, my friends, and that I don't live in a bubble where bad things only happen to other people.

You know, it's a hell of a ride but.....It's My Life......Like it or not

2010-12-30T10:27:00.002-06:00

Another year almost at it's end. As usual, it's been up and down but for the most part a good year. I can't think of anyone that died - which I think is a good thing - except it's bad if someone did and I can't remember it, so that has potential to start an upward swing. Although, my husband's grandmother, who is 93, just told our 10 year old when she was there to visit at Christmas time that she wants to die. And my grandmother, who is 82, had a small stroke a few months back and is now paranoid about doing anything for fear it may happen again. So, here's to hoping 2011 is funeral free but I have a feeling we'll have at least one.

I am SOOOOOOOO glad the holidays are over. It seems that every year I dread it more and more. Not the actual holiday, but all the crap that goes on before hand. All the shopping and running around and crabby crazy people. And this year I determined that, more then ever, my daughter is spoiled rotten! She got nearly everything on her list between her birthday (she's 10 now!!!) on the 20th and Christmas. But, that's all a part of her being an only child.

I'm heading into my 3rd year on the job and at times it seems as if I've always been here. I still miss being closer to home at times but I know that I can't do what I'm doing in the town where I live, that option just isn't there anymore. And, I'm less than 25 miles away from home so it isn't too bad as far as the amount of time I spend in the car each morning and night. Realistically, it's 25 minutes, and that goes pretty fast. Especially since we're not in a highly populated area. I mean, this isn't downtown Chicago traffic I have to deal with, even on the busiest traffic days. I do have to admit that the amount of road construction on the stretch of interstate I travel has made me a little postal at times though.

Personally, life is going pretty well. My family has mellowed out for the most part (there are still a couple of total bitches that think they need to stick their noses where they don't belong) and we're co-existing pretty well. We don't have the big family gatherings we used to have and I don't have as much contact with some of my cousins but the ones I want to keep in constant contact with I do. And that's what matters.

My parents just headed back to Arizona yesterday after being here for the holidays. I told Dad to take as much snow with him as he wanted but by the looks of things he didn't want any. It is supposed to be warmer today, in the high 30's or low 40's, and things are melting away a little. But we're still a long way from spring - and I hate that. Hopefully the airfare will stay reasonable and me and the Peanut will make our February trip to AZ this year. So far it's looking promising, I just need to clear the dates with work.

Well, I've managed to stay sane (or at least it appears that way) for yet another year. Let's see what 2011 brings.

2010-04-09T15:15:00.002-05:00

Just me again...stopping in to bring things up to date.

So, it seems the winter weather has finally decided to stay out of Illinois - which is nice since it's April. It's been typical Illinois though since the first of the month; Hot and humid in the 80's to chance of snow and highs in the 30's - all in the course of one week! Isn't that fun!?! Makes for a very grumbling me, I know that for sure. This is the time of the year when my not so seasonal seasonal allergies kick into full gear.

I'm still pretty bummed out that my daughter and I didn't get to make what is supposed to be our annual trip to visit the 'rents in Arizona. The airfare was just insanely high and I couldn't validate spending $500-$600 for the two of us to get away for less than a week. Granted, we wouldn't have to rent a car or pay for a hotel so the other expenses would have been minimal, that's still a lot of moolah for a short trip. Last year our round trip tickets were just over $200. Yeah, hard to swallow $500-$600 after that.

The family drama seems to have died down, which is a little comical to me after everything we've all been through. I think that after Aunt Jill died and Uncle Dave started his "new" life some eyes were opened and things finally seen from a different perspective. She died the end of November and by mid-December he was hand in hand with his new lady friend making up for the last four years of his life that he'd lost (his words). What a dick. Karma can sure be a bitch and I'm hoping in his case she's a bitch with a vengence. Terrible to say, I know, but after she suffered for so long dying a slow and painful death and having to deal with his bullshit on a daily basis I hope he goes the same way.

My little girl is almost done with the third grade. It doesn't seem possible. It sure is nice having a 9 year old who is (mostly) self sufficient though. She's starting to get more and more sassy with me, and we have our days believe me, but at the end of the day she still calls me Mommy, still gives me a kiss every morning in the drop off line at school, and still walks up and gives me random hugs just because she loves me. I can't imagine what I ever did before her, and it's the most wonderful feeling in the world!

Hi!! Remember me?

2009-12-02T10:34:00.002-06:00

My oh my it's been a long time since I put up a post. So long, in fact, that I had to go through all the steps to figure out how to get back in to this thing because I had forgotten my username and password!

So, what's new with me? Quite a lot and not so much.

The drama in my family continues and I had thought that when the time came, meaning when my Aunt with cancer that stirred all this crap up finally lost her fight with cancer, it would all fall to the wayside. Yeah, that didn't work. She passed away on Friday, November 27, 2009. She was 55 years old. She had a hell of a run with it and it was good for a long time but the last couple of months she had been in and out of the hospital on a regular basis and was moved to hospice about a month ago. It's kind of bitter sweet. I mean, I feel good about her being at peace and finally done with the pain but at the same time I wasn't really as prepared for it as I thought I was. I think most of that is because I had to hold myself together for the sake of my daughter. She knew Aunt Jill was sick but I hadn't told her exactly how sick she had been recently. If there's anything I've learned in this journey of motherhood with her it's that the less information she knows leading in to something the better off we all are. I mean, I could have told her I was just waiting for "the call" but all that would have done is make her a blubbering mess. We got our crying out and were able to move forward. This one I can explain. She had pancreatic cancer.

Work is chugging right along. It's the holiday season which means this is the time a lot of people decide they can't stand to be with their spouse anymore and want a divorce yesterday. It's a pretty crappy way to have to go through the holidays, especially if there are kids involved, but it's job security for me folks. Sorry.

Things on the home front have been more or less status qua. We've had our ups and downs but we're still plugging along. We celebrated our 11th anniversary in September by doing nothing. He thought we had agreed not to buy anything for each other so I got a card, the exact same card I got for him as a matter of fact. Apparently I missed that conversation that we had just like so many others that we've supposedly had in the past. Don't know, I guess my crystal ball is on the fritz.

The weather here in Illinois is starting to feel like winter. Which I hate. And I'm having a real hard time getting into the Christmas spirit. I've only bought 2 gifts and have absolutely no motivation to do anything more. I suppose it would help if I had lists to go off of and didn't have to be the one to do all the picking and buying for the family. But, there again I screwed myself and can't complain, even though I still do. It pisses me off when my husband and his brother get credit for the gifts for their parents when it's me doing all the dirty work. They typically don't even know what they've bought until it's unwrapped. At least my mother-in-law knows how it happens that she always gets what she wants but hasn't asked for.

That's about it for now. Gotta get back to the grind!

Life isn't always better on the beach

2008-09-23T09:47:00.002-05:00

I'm sure you've heard the commercial for South Beach Diet....Life's better on The Beach...I'm here to tell you, sometimes life sucks on "The Beach".

My husband and I did South Beach last year and we each lost a great deal of weight. I got under 130 and he was in the 180's. You know, you get to the size you want to be, you start picking up the same bad habits you had that made you decide to do this in the first place....so, you guessed it, we're back on.

I started last Monday and I have to tell you. I think it's much harder this time around than it was before. Each night before I go to bed I'm starving. That can't be helping. I have lost about 6 pounds but my will power is beginning to get weaker and weaker. I feel like I'm about ready to turn into an egg, or lettuce, since that seems to be all I've eaten for the past 7 days. OK, so I exaggerate, but not much.

I think it's harder because I don't go home for lunch, can't go home for lunch. I work 25 miles away from home so I have to pack a lunch at 7:30 in the morning. You know, it's really hard to decide what to eat for lunch when I can't even decide what I'm going to eat for breakfast. And THAT choice is a no-brainer Egg Beaters or real eggs. Oh, I have a selection of cheeses to add too, really difficult. For lunch I've been getting a salad from Subway with no dressing - hey, that's really tasty! Seriously, I'm at the point where I don't care if I eat lettuce ever again.

But, the weight is coming off. And, regardless of how difficult it is, I'm going to finish out my 2 weeks. I've already come this far, I can't quit now.

5k

2008-09-15T08:56:00.002-05:00

Well, I survived my first 5k on Saturday.

The weather was rotten (raining with 100% humidity and about 75 degrees), I hadn't eaten anything since lunch time Friday and I was recovering from a killer migraine.

But, hey! Guess what?!? I got 3rd place in my age bracket! Yeah for me!

I finished in 32 minutes and 45 seconds, which to me totally rocks for 3.2 miles, especially given the conditions, and I'm still walking and talking.

The down side is that one particular person I was aiming to beat instead beat me. I had him until mid way in when I had a dizzy spell and walked for a couple minutes to get my breath back. When I started back up again I quickly passed him again but then the hill before the finish line got me and I had to walk again.

I picked it back in again when the ground evened out but by then I had nothing left for a kick at the end. In the end, he beat me by about 30 seconds. He was no more than 10 feet in front of me and I couldn't do it. That hurts. What hurts more is that he's 66 years old and so remarkably out of shape. But, he's in a running club so he knew more how to pace himself early on so he had some juice left at the end. I gave it my all the whole time.

But, all in all, I'm happy with it. Now I know what I need to work on for next year!

Time flies

2008-09-02T09:32:00.004-05:00

Again, I've tried to catch up on recent events by posting but somehow life gets in the way. So, I'm going to try to get up to date in one fell swoop.

FAN OF THE GAME, NOT OF THE TEAM
Last weekend we made a whirlwind trip to St. Louis and caught a Cardinals game. We're Cubs fans, so I didn't really care who won....as long as it wasn't the Cardinals. So, how do die hard Cubs fans end up at Busch Stadium watching a Cardinals game when they aren't playing the Cubs? Elementary my dear, we were at a surprise 40th birthday party. One of the couples of our normal "group" relocated to the St. Louis area about a year ago when he took a new job. They're both originally from the South, he's from Missoura (yes, he pronounces it Missoura and proclaims it to be the "correct" way) and she's from Arkansas. So, since May she'd been planning this surprise party for him and there were 3 couples from home that made the trip for the surprise. She rented a skybox - SWEET - so when the game went into a rain delay for about an hour at the top of the 8th we could have cared less. The bad part was that the beer got shut off already. The good part is that the beer got shut off already - I'd have been a bigger mess than I was to begin with. I ended up with a terrible stomach ache and called my evening short at 11pm while all the others continued on into the wee hours of the morning. And I didn't even drink any booze from mid-way through the game on. It was strange, and took a couple days to get myself back to feeling 100%.

ATTACK OF THE SUPERBUG
Last Monday I got a phone call at work from my mom who indicated that my sister was going into surgery, asking if I could pick my niece up from school at 3pm and keep her for awhile so my sister could recover and get some strength back. So, I took off at 2pm and still ended up having to wait in the traffic line for pick-ups at the school. I never picked my daughter up from school so I haven't experienced that huckle f#ck of a deal. I finally got into the parking lot and parked so I could walk over to get her from her teacher. When I walked up my daughters 1st grade teacher looked at me in a panic and said "You're in the wrong place!!!" I told her I was there for my niece and we found her and away we went. Ends up my sister has MRSA, the icky bad staph infection that basically eats your skin off. She had a pimple like bump on the back of her leg that got infected and they ended up having to remove approximately 8 inches of gunk from her leg. And the wound is nasty nasty nasty. My mom borrowed my digital camera so she could take a picture for me to email to my sister-in-law who is a nurse in charge of wound care at a nearby huge hospital. Against my better judgment, I looked at the pictures. Lets just say that I won't be feeling the need to eat hamburger at any point in the near future. Its gross, it's 4 1/2 inches across and at least 4 inches deep and it's in a V pattern. Oh yeah, it's an open wound because that's how it has to heal, from the bottom of the V up and when it gets close to healing all the way then she'll get stitches to close it up. Ugh, nasty.

SCHOOL DAYS
School started up on the 22nd so we're into the start of the second "full" week. So far so good. My daughter has 2 teachers since one of them is retiring at the end of the calendar year. They worked it out this way so that when they return from Christmas Break they aren't starting with a new teacher, they'll already have had her for half days the first half of the year. I can't believe the things they learn in 2nd grade now...cursive, multiplication. I wonder if they make Cliffs Notes for parents of grade schoolers on what they're teaching now so we don't look like fools. I seriously think kids are much smarter much earlier than when I was in school.

END OF SUMMER
This past weekend we had so much going on that yesterday was just a nothing day. I only left the house twice and spent the rest of it laying in the recliner watching TV. I was nice but at the same time it ended up being the longest day of my life since we had nothing going on. Labor Day has always been the mark of the end of summer here in Illinois. I'm NOT looking forward to the cold weather that's around the bend. I hate it. One of these days I'll move to someplace where it's 80 degrees year round. One of these days.......

Two steps away from the deepest darkest bowels of Hell

2008-08-13T09:30:00.002-05:00

Yesterday I completed a task that I hate.

Loath.

Despise.

I made my yearly trip to the DMV to renew the sticker for my license plate. The more I think about it, the more that $10 "convenience" fee they tack on so you can do it by mail is looking better and better. I mean, isn't an hour of my life and maintaining my sanity worth at least $10?

I've never fully understood why it seems that no matter what city or state you are in, the DMV is as close to Hell as you can get without actually going there. Why can't it be a happy place? Where the people that work there act like they're human? It's like they've all been brainwashed into some drone like state. They have no emotion. No humor. And it seems that no matter how menial your purpose for being there it's a huge inconvenience to them that you're there, expecting *gasp* customer service.

I did have one other task to complete while I was there. Well, two actually. I last renewed my drivers license in 2006 and back then my hair was really really short and really really dark. Since then I've grown it out to almost shoulder length and it's relatively blonde. A few weeks ago someone asked to see my drivers license when I wrote a check and they proceeded to as me for additional ID since the picture looked nothing like me. So, for $5 I got a new drivers license. And I have to say, it's the best drivers license picture I've had for YEARS. I'm smiling (against all the evil forces at the DMV that were wearing me down hoping I couldn't) and it actually looks like me.

The other thing I did was register to be an organ and/or tissue donor. You know, years ago I thought it was disgusting and always politely refused when they asked. But, a lot of things have happened in my life where I've lost loved ones entirely too soon. And even in the tragedy of those losses their parents have decided to donate viable "parts" to those who are less fortunate. And for that amazing generosity I give those people high praise. To be able to find some good in the tragedy that occurred to our loved ones and make life for someone else possible, or even a little more enjoyable....that is the best gift of all.

So, get out there and register as an organ and/or tissue donor!

Baseball game and updates

2008-08-08T09:27:00.003-05:00

The Cubs game was great! The weather was amazing, our seats were ok, and the beer was indeed COLD.

We did make it into The Stadium Club, the "name on the list only" place inside the ballpark where the players are fed before the games. It was so totally cool. I wish I'd taken some pictures while we were there but I didn't want to look all "this is the first and only time I'll ever have the opportunity to see this place".

After the game was over (CUBS WIN! CUBS WIN!) we hit up a few of the bars in the neighborhood. Casey McGee's, The Cubby Bear, Harry Carey's - just to name a few. They were all packed with Cubs fans so it was great. What isn't great is that I went from feeling great to stumbling drunk in a short amount of time. It hit me out of no where! So, we got on the redline going the WRONG direction and ended up getting off at the next stop and grabbing a $25 cab ride back to Union Station and barely made it onto our 5:55 Amtrak back home. Thank god it's a 2 hour ride, plenty of time to sober up.

Friday morning we got a phone call at 4am that someone very close to us had passed away. My husband has had the same best friend since he was 5 years old, and his dad passed away from complications after surgery. He was an awesome man and I think Brett, our friend, said it best at the funeral. Not only was he his dad, he was also his friend and his friends' friend. And that he was. I mean, my daughter calls Brett Uncle Brett, even though there is no relation whatsoever, and his mom and dad Grandma Carol and Grandpa Merv. So, once again we were a funeral home for the 4th time in the past 8 months. I realize we're getting to that age where we'll probably experience this more and more with our parents and grandparents getting up there in age, but seriously, 4 times in less than one year?!

My daughter did indeed win the Wii that the softball league had as a prize for their fundraiser. She sold over $425 of scratch-offs and smoked her closest competition by hundreds of dollars. HUNDREDS! They called us on Saturday wanting to drop it off, but as you can see from up above - we were at Wrigley Field. So they brought it over on Monday night and we've played every night since then. We don't have any games yet other than the sports pack that comes with it - golf, bowling, boxing, baseball, tennis - but it's still so much fun! But, I have to say....I'm sore! We were talking about it at the visitation and funeral and found out the physical therapy students are now learning about how to rehab people with gaming injuries. For real!

School starts in less than 2 weeks again. I can't wait!!!!!

Take me out to the ballgame - Part I

2008-07-31T12:05:00.005-05:00

Saturday isn't coming fast enough for me. It's been a long time coming but we are FINALLY making our return to a major league ballgame. And I'm so excited!

Saturday morning we're hoping on the Amtrak and riding up to Chicago where we'll catch the Red Line and be at The Friendly Confines...yes siree folks...Wrigley Field, home of the Cubs!

The weather is supposed to be scorching H O T so hopefully the beer will be C O L D ! We're meeting my cousin Jenn and her husband Tony and we might hit Harry Carey's or some other local bars too. The game is at 12:05 so by the time the Amtrak gets in and we hop the L we'll be getting down there just about in time for the game to start.

The totally cool thing is that we've got a friend who has a friend who is a big wig at The Stadium Club and he's getting our names on the list to get in there for a bit. I guess it's the place where the players' wives and any other celebrity attendees hang. So, with a little luck I'll be writing in next week about how we saw and/or talked to somebody awesome.

I've got my camera all ready to go so maybe I'll post some pics too.

In any event, this is what we're hoping to hear at the end of the day on Saturday...

GO CUBS GO!

HEY CHICAGO WHAT DO YOU SAY? THE CUBS ARE GOING TO WIN TODAY!

The drama of my life

2008-07-25T08:52:00.002-05:00

The past couple weeks have been so packed with drama that I need a vacation to get away from it all.

My husband had another one of his MANstrual periods last week and didn't talk to me for 4 1/2 days. Whatever. He got pissed off because I was late getting home one night from work. I called him and told him I was going to be late and the reason why. I ended up getting home about 40 minutes later than I normally do. What a cry baby. We had nothing going on, he had no where to be. All seems to be back to normal now and I've been home "on time" every night this week.

My daughter has been with my mom all week instead of going to day camp. It's good because we didn't have to shell out $90 for the week but it's bad because she's with Grandma and Grandpa ..... and we all know what happens to children when they stay with Grandma and Grandpa. The word BRAT doesn't even begin to cover it.

I have become a human lab rat thanks to my gyn. For years I've had female trouble, the "H" word has even been mentioned on numerous occasions, but because I'm still young she doesn't want to take that route just yet. So instead she put me on this pill that was just approved by the FDA and has a list of side effects as long as a hardened criminal's rap sheet. I'm ending the second week on it and have already had the pleasure of dealing with several from the list. No, not the fun ones! I got the ones I was hoping I'd be in the 1% of women who didn't suffer from. The painful yucky ones, that's what I've had. But, I'm a trooper and I'm going to work around them and see if this really works. If it does, it will be a God send. I'll keep you posted.

My daughter won a Wii!!! I think my husband and I are more excited about it than she is. She sold the most scratch off cards during the fundraiser the youth softball/baseball seasons - to the tune of almost $450 worth! We would have never bought one, we prefer to spend time outside doing stuff as opposed to sitting in the house in front of the TV playing video games. But, when it's free it's different! I've already put the Wii Fit bundle on my Christmas list. Yes, I know it's only July.

That's about it in a nut shell. I'm SOOOOOO glad it's Friday. This has been one long week at work and having it be over sounds fantastic!

Stress Relief

2008-07-11T09:56:00.002-05:00

OK, I took a few deep breaths and imagined I was on a tropical island. I'm feeling much better now. Actually, I think the turning point was the shopping I did on my lunch break the other day. It was very successful, I walked out with around $150 worth of clothes for $8.54. I had a $100 gift certificate and a $30 off coupon that I applied and the $8.54 was what was left after applying those. So, 5 shirts and 3 pairs of pants later I was feeling a little better! Nothing quite like retail therapy!

I also started reading again. I've always loved to read, I just kind of stopped when my daughter was born. Too much other stuff going on, I was too tired, etc. She wanted some books for herself so I figured I'd get myself a book too since we were at the library. So last Saturday I picked up Stephen King's "Cell". I love Stephen King books and at one point had read them all, including the Bachman Books. I finished it last night. It was an awesome book, highly recommended if SK is your cup of tea.

Today at work is going to be a quite day, our phones aren't working. It's almost as if some greater authority knew I needed a break in order to get caught up with the madness. Thank you, whoever you are. I did need it and it's appreciated more than you can imagine.

This close to falling apart

2008-07-09T09:00:00.001-05:00

I'm beginning to believe that I'm inches away from a total meltdown. I'm so stressed out with work, home, life in general really and there doesn't appear to be any hope in sight.

Perhaps I'm overexagerating. But not likely.

I could put in 12 hour days for a solid week, never answer a phone, never attend to a client that comes in the office, basically never leave my desk the entire time and still not be caught up. Part of it is the mess that was left behind by the former secretary, part of it is how extremely overloaded our caseload is and part of it is learning curve. It's just beyond anything I can keep under control and it seems that anytime I feel as though I've made one step forward I end up 10 steps back.

For example - filing. It's out of control. I have a stack of papers that are no less than 2 feet high sitting on the floor in my office. Every day I flip through it looking for anything that may be needed the next day. I've tried taking time to get caught up, but it never fails that I end up on the phone all day or on another project.

I can handle this job. I'm not worried about that. But I'm starting to believe that my boss is rethinking how great it was that she got me. I'm better than the previous secretary, no doubt about that, and I have experience with things that none of her staff has had for a great number of years. But its the little stuff that has consumed my life. I haven't left the office on time in over a week. My husband is a little (ok, a LOT) less than happy with the fact that I'm not getting home until well after 6pm. I'm not happy about it either, but what can I do?

We had a guy in here that was answering phones and I was able to tell him that I was unavailable for large chunks of the day while I worked on catching up. He hasn't been in for three weeks. And apparently the other secretary here only answers the phone if she has to. That's a big change from my prior office where we switched off days - one of us did even numbered days and the other did odd numbered days. It worked. I think I'm going to make that suggestion because I know she's just as busy as I am and it may help ease things for both of us.

I have to get this mess cleaned up and formulate some sort of routine. It can't go on like this and I can't allow it to become any worse. I'm exhausted.

If things aren't going wrong my life isn't right

2008-07-01T10:17:00.003-05:00

I really don't know what I did or who I pissed off, but the Karma God's have not been helping me out any lately. It seems that for the past 6 days anything that could possibly go wrong - has.

Thursday
I went to get gas in my car before I was set to leave on a trip Friday morning and my car was making a strange noise. Turns out it was my brakes. They're shot. As in my car can't be driven on my trip I'm leaving for Friday morning. So at 8pm, when I'm supposed to leave town no later than 7am Friday morning, I'm begging my parents to let me borrow a car for a couple days to get me to St. Louis and back. Needless to say, I didn't get to bed until nearly midnight.

Friday
Up at 5am to be leaving town no later than 7am. The drive to St. Louis takes 4 hours and I have to be there for an award ceremony that starts at noon. The drive was mostly uneventful and I made it in record time (3 hours 20 minutes). Arrived at the hotel to find their parking garage was at capacity and had to park in a parking garage 6 blocks away. Got checked into my room and the place was boiling hot. I flagged down a hotel employee to see about turning the air on and was told that the room I was in was under construction and wasn't to be used. He sent me back down to the lobby to get a different room, which was a lot better, but I had literally 5 minutes to get changed and get to the ceremony. It was a long day that didn't end until I got back to my hotel room around 1am. Yep, 5 hours sleep.

Saturday
Up at 7:00am into the shower and out of the hotel before 8am and back on the road home. Home right around Noon. I took a short nap before getting ready to head to Peoria for the Peoria Chiefs game. Husband lost his cell phone somewhere between home and home, most likely somewhere in Peoria. I had to drive home because he was an idiot and drank too much. Not home until 11:30pm. Yep, 6 hours sleep.

Sunday, finally a day I can relax. With no car I did mostly nothing.

Monday
At work at 8:30am, stressful day as it was and I didn't get out of the office until after 6pm (my hours are 8:30-5:00) from spending 3 hours on the phone with tech support for one of our computer programs and then, when I was 6 miles from my exit, I came to a complete stand still on the interstate. Apparently there was an accident earlier in the day and they were still cleaning up. I was able to juke around and use an emergency vehicle turn around to head back the other direction and take a different route home but didn't make it home until after 7:00pm.

Today
The brakes on my car are fixed, I guess. They were replaced by my husband and one of his buddies whose family owned a Chevy garage. Problem is, my car is a Nissan. So now there is a strange noise and when I apply the brakes they're "grabby". I'm getting 4 new tires on my car on Wednesday and the mechanic is supposed to look at things then and see if the rotors are bad.

I'm hoping the rest of the day will be uneventful. But I've got so much work to do that it's insane. I'm trying my hardest to get everything done so I can take off tomorrow to go to a water park with my family but I'm catching up from Friday when I was gone, three hours of work that didn't get done yesterday when I was on the phone and everything for today and tomorrow. How many people successfully do 5 days worth of work in 8 hours?

My poor little Peanut

2008-06-19T09:22:00.002-05:00

For about three weeks now my daughter has been going to a Day Camp that our fitness club puts on. It's more expensive than the babysitter she'd had since she was 6 weeks old, but it's about 10 blocks from my house as opposed to 10 miles. And, with gas being $4 a gallon, every little bit helps. We did the math and even though we pay more weekly AND have to pack a lunch every day, we're saving money by not making the drive.

She's absolutely loving it!!! They do arts and crafts, fitness activities, and most importantly of all they swim for no less than 2 hours each and every day - that's her favorite part.

Yesterday the campers held a car wash in the parking lot for an hour and a half. They were in their swimsuits on the blacktop washing cars for and hour and a half. Need I say more? She's F R I E D. And fried is an understatement. Think of a super ripe tomato....THAT is what her back, shoulders and backs of her legs look like. It's so bad she's got little white blisters on her shoulder.

Poor little thing.

We've been slathering aloe gel on like it's going out of style and she's been popping pain relievers like a fiend. Still, no relief.

So, I'm calling the doctors office to see if they have any suggestions of what we can do. There has to be something that can offer more relief.

In the mean time, I've made my displeasure known to the staff at the camp. There is absolutely no reason this should have happened. And if it happened to my kid, how many others did it happen to?

This isn't the ONLY reason I totally love my new job but....

2008-06-13T16:00:00.001-05:00

It's 4:00 p.m. on Friday and I'm on my second, yes SECOND, vodka and diet pepsi.

Sitting at my desk, working, answering the phone, drinking my SECOND vodka and diet pepsi.

Does it get any better than this?

Quarterly update

2008-06-13T09:16:00.002-05:00

Seems funny to type "Quarterly Update" but the reality of things is that I simply don't have time to keep my posts up like I have in the past.

Work is going really well. Busy. Very very busy. Like my husband says, my profession is probably one of the few where we don't see the crappy state of the economy because, like it or not, at some point in life 98% of people will need a lawyer for something. How very true. Seems like more and more people are getting divorced and in a majority of the cases they are also facing some serious debt issues, so much so that divorce and bankruptcy filings are going hand in hand at an alarming rate.

So far I haven't been burned on my helping out family deal. It has, however, branched out and now I'm helping the brother of the cousin I've been working with on the expungement. He and his girlfriend had a baby and he's trying to get the baby on his union insurance and they're making them jump through hoops. I swear, from what they're making him do you'd think he was the first person on the planet to have a child out of wedlock. Crazy stuff.

Summer in Illinois has officially begun! I drive 25 miles to work 5 days a week and my drive now has approximately 7 miles of roadway that IS NOT covered by 45 or 55 mph work zone speed limits and lane closures. It's soooooo frustrating! And the DOT has grounded all it's trucks so the crews are not out anymore filling potholes, picking up roadkill or mowing. They say it's because of the fuel prices and that the amount of salt and overtime expending over the winter wrecked their budget. But, they have still kept each and every employee and have them in the barn their entire shift. My husband has a former co-worker who now works for DOT who told him that they're playing cards, working on their personal lawn mowers and doing personal projects ON ILLINOIS DEPARTMENT OF TRANSPORTATION's dime. Meaning, we are paying them big bucks to do nothing all day long. Isn't that great? I wish I could find a job where I made no less than $30 an hour to sit on my ass and drink coffee playing cards working on my on shit.

The last day of school was a week or so ago and as we were getting into the car to go for the last 40 minutes my daughter said she wasn't going to cry this year. That she wasn't too happy or too sad that school was over. I knew it wouldn't happen that way, but, as her mother I had to acknowledge her attempt. And, as I suspected, when I went back to get her she was bawling her head off and her face was that fantastic splotchy red that kids get when they cry uncontrollably for long periods of time. From talking to her teacher the tears started as soon as she walked into the classroom for the last time. I do think it's great that she loves school so much that she's upset when summer break rolls around, but seriously, we have to work on these emotional issues. She's so sensitive.

That's about all the time I have to play hookie today. TTFN!

This one never learns

2008-05-28T10:19:00.004-05:00

Yep. Me. No matter how many times things get spun and I get burned I still do it.

Help family members that is.

There's a situation with one of my cousins - A few years ago she was arrested for misdemeanor possession of cannabis. She hired a lawyer, who I ended up working for, to fight it but in the end accepted a plea agreement for supervision, fines/fees and community service. She completed her term of supervision successfully, paid all her fines and fees and finished up her community service hours and then some well in advance of the court ordered deadline. Time passed and she became eligible to have the charge expunged from her record. We notified her it was time yet she decided, for one reason or another, not to proceed.

Flash forward to about a month ago.

Her marriage of just over a year is falling apart. She has a 5 month old son. Her husband is making threats to use those charges against her in custody and divorce proceedings. Now all of the sudden she HAS to have the expungement done. And it has to be done NOW.

Naturally, since I worked for her attorney, who now happens to be dead, they asked me if I would help them with the expungement. Against my better judgment, I said I would. I should have run as fast as I could in the opposite direction. But, we're family - and family is supposed to help each other in time of need. (Yeah, like THAT'S ever happened in THIS family! - Note: look at posts from January 2007 on regarding the suicide of my cousin and subsequent family problems) I was young and divorcing once too and wished I had someone who offered to hold my hand through it all. I know what she's going through, minus the baby.

So, I made a comment to her mother, my aunt, that once the expungement is granted by the Judge and the paperwork is forwarded to the State Police it could take 6 days or 6 months depending on their workload. I talked to her last night on the phone and explained the process, I sent her an email yesterday with the link the the Appellate Defenders Office where the packet and forms came from. Yet STILL, just now I got off the phone with her and she doesn't understand why it has to go 45 days before getting a day in court! H E L L O ! ? ! I told you no less than 3 times what the process and procedures are and emailed you the link to research the process yourself! This DOES NOT happen over night!

I can't help it that the situation with the husband is what it is - not my problem - and yes, I understand the importance of getting this done and getting it done quickly. But that doesn't change the fact that YOU HAVE TO FOLLOW PROCEDURE!!!!!

This time I've learned my lesson. I am done. No more.

I have survived

2008-05-07T10:28:00.003-05:00

~ My 36th birthday (THAT is a whole other post!)

~ My third funeral in five months (my husband's 95 year old grandfather passed away)

~ 8 of 12 spring session youth soccer games (we played hookie from 2 since the weather was a little less than favorable - 40 degrees with 35 mile per hours winds, and we have 2 yet to go)

~ Spending 3 hours on a school bus for the 1st grade field trip to see the play "Miss Nelson is Missing"

~ Spending 6 1/2 hours with 130 1st graders

I know it really doesn't seem like much, but I feel like I've been through the ringer. And, I still have a headache from the field trip yesterday. Why is it that those kids can't talk in their inside voices....EVER?!?! Especially on the school bus!

Same old same old

2008-04-16T11:01:00.003-05:00

First, for any of you who read about my crappy life, I want you to know that I'm not one of those major image conscious housewives who have to be "to the nines" at all times. In fact, I'm most comfortable in my sweats with no make-up on regardless of time or location.

But, many many years ago (we're talking 1996 here folks) when I just got divorced from my first husband I felt I needed a boost. Nothing drastic, just a little something something to make me feel and look better. So, in addition to my tanning bed addiction, I started getting my nails done.

For the longest time nobody even suspected it. I kept them natural looking, a normal length and always painted. I've done it for so long it's just second nature.

Several weeks ago I decided that I wanted to have my natural nails for a while. But that meant getting rid of the acrylic overlay on my nails. Most people let them gradually grow off, which I tried for a couple weeks, but I ended up digging them off one Friday night after a couple drinks. The end result was, well, probably what you'd expect, nubby chopped and chewed nails.

I did go without for a couple weeks. And let me tell you, that's no easy task when your nails are paper thin and cut down below the quick. Yeah, they hurt like H E L L !!! for a couple weeks.

I tried. I really really did. But Saturday I made my way to my local foreign owned and operated nail salon and got myself some new nails. I can't even begin to explain how wonderful it feels to have them back.

Did you ever really stop to think about how much you use your fingernails for in your daily life? Try it sometime. Opening packages, mail, bottles, etc.; washing dishes; showering; doing your kids hair.... the list goes on and on and until you don't have them to use you don't realize how important they are.

So, now I have 2 reasons to continue my nail perfection obsession. (1) they look nice and (2) they are functional. Hey, it works when rationalizing the $30 a month to my husband.

Story of My Life

2008-04-07T09:26:00.002-05:00

I'm telling you, this is the kind of crazy you just can't make up. Sometimes I seriously believe that I'm living inside some weird soap opera and I just keep waiting for someone to yell April Fools. But it never happens. So, I've come to the conclusion that reality sucks.

Once again I was at the point last week were I was sitting at my computer at work drafting my own Petition for Dissolution of Marriage. I mean, I like amusement park rides and all, but the emotional roller coaster is one I'd rather NOT buy a ticket for. It's just getting harder and harder to bounce back from and I have to ask myself how much of this I really want to continue to deal with.

I do think I need to start tracking this behavior from my husband. It's like some strange man-strual cycle or something. He gets a hair in his ass and it's like hell hath no fury until he's satisfied he's successfully pissed off every living thing. I've been in this relationship long enough to know that if I ignore things and act like it didn't happen eventually things will be back to somewhat normal. But it's getting harder and harder to ignore now that my 7 year old daughter understands what he's saying and doing.

Things are back to normal for now. He's apologized, again. He said he just felt like he was losing control of things. And I responded that I wasn't property.

Stress?!? Me?!? Under stress?!?

2008-03-31T10:13:00.002-05:00

No. No? Yes!

I haven't had a good nights sleep in weeks. Couldn't tell you how many weeks for sure, that's how long it's been.

Surprisingly enough, I have managed to avoid all the cold/flu viruses that have been going around and taking people out of operation for sometimes weeks. But, my body is suffering all the same.

Now, I'm no doctor, but I know when something isn't right. And what, with the world of WebMD, do I need to go to the doctor for? I just type in my symptoms and ta-da ... a host of possible diagnoses come up with at home remedies to boot. This one was pretty easy to figure out though.

I'm 99.9% sure I have a stress fracture on the outside of my left foot. The other night as I was trying to run away from all my stress on the treadmill I heard and felt a pop. Of course, I didn't stop running but instead cranked up the speed even more. I know, not one of the smarter choices I've made recently.

So now I have to be careful what shoes I wear and be mindful of how much time I spend on my feet. My daughter keeps telling me: "Just go to the doctor Mommy and get a purple cast on your foot with some of those thingies on the bottom so you can walk on it" and I keep saying that there isn't anything the doctor could/would do that I'm not already doing.

The swelling has gone done. The bruising is all but gone. I just have to take it easy. No running on the treadmill for awhile (Which is easier said than done), so I'll have to make myself be satisfied with the stationary bike. No big deal. I had to rehab myself after my (totally unnecessary) appendectomy so I can do it again.

But, if it does happen to take a turn for the worse I'm all for going to the doctor to get a purple cast on my foot with some of those thingies on the bottom so I can walk on it.

To much to tell

2008-03-07T08:43:00.002-06:00

Jeez...if I had to let you in on everything that's happened since the last time I posted we'd all be here for quite awhile! I'll give you the highlights of the events of the last 3-4 weeks.

A. I'm sick of winter. I'm SOOOOOO sick of winter. Yes, we have had some days when the sun has been shining, but sun shining when it's 14 degrees out is still pretty damn cold. And the snow? I believe I've seen on the news several times that this year is one for the record books. Why can't we have a winter where it was 70 degrees the whole time? Now THAT would be one for the record books!

B. My daughter and I are not making our "Spring Break" trip to Arizona to visit my parents yet again. Last year she didn't want to go because she loved school so much and didn't want to miss out on one single day. OF KINDERGARTEN. This year she decided it was ok to miss a day and a half of school to get to see Nanny and Papa but then the damn airlines decided they needed to double, in some instances triple, their normal rates. I'm sorry, but I'm not shelling out $800 for the two of us to take a 3 hour non-stop flight. We've looked into other options but they all involve excessive numbers of hours in a car or on a train. NOT HAPPENING. Could you imagine? By the time we got off the train, 32 hours later, we'd both be bloody. And her and I driving the nearly 1700 miles by ourselves? Yeah, we can't get along for an hour in the morning getting ready for school...what kind of crazy would stick themselves in a car with a 7 year old for 25 hours. Not this crazy.

C. My commute to work hasn't turned out to be nearly as bad as I thought it might. But, it's still cold so I'm really not in that big of a hurry to get home and get outside and enjoy the weather like I hope to be doing soon. The only thing right now that bothers me is all the stupid pot holes. I'm not kidding, it's like a war zone in some areas. One day a week or so ago I was passing a semi and ended up getting my tire caught in a pot hole right smack dab in the middle of the interstate lanes - I had a CD playing and the jolt was so hard it stopped the CD and went all the way back to the very first song. How it didn't pop my tire is beyond me.

D. Speaking of work.....I'm wrapping up my 8th week today and things have been going really well. These guys are so great to work for/with. We're laid back and have fun but still manage to get our work done. My job is kind of as a floater. I work for both of the lawyers in the office doing discovery work and they each have, or had until yesterday, their own secretary who does all their scheduling, etc. Ever since I've been here, and long before that even I've learned, one of the secretaries has been a major screw up. Like, losing files and blaming everyone but herself, not getting things done in the right time frame, messing up scheduled court appearances and appointments - you get the point. She's been getting "talked to", meaning yelled at, very frequently and I guess the other day was the last straw. She came in yesterday late, holed up in her office and was very short with me and then about an hour later she stood at the front door with her arms full of stuff and said "I'll see you later" then walked out. It's a relief, but at the same time she ended up walking out and leaving a hell of a mess. She erased dictation without doing it, let files in pieces here and there. My work load has just increased like I never imagined. And I'm plenty busy without having to do all her work on top of all mine.

That's about it really. Hopefully I'll be able to get back into the swing of normal posting soon. But, then again, soccer starts soon and before long school will be out for the summer. I can't wait!

Yes, I'm still here

2008-02-18T09:13:00.003-06:00

Wow. So much to tell, so little time to do it.

Work has been insane! I have settled in nicely at my new job, been here for 6 weeks now. I love what I'm doing and the people I'm working for/with. This office has a whole different vibe than my old office, and it's definately a change for the better. The downside though is that I have missed 2 days due to the weather and driving conditions being poor for travel with all this crappy snow and ice we've had. And, even though it's only 20 miles it's still dangerous if weather conditions are bad. So much better to be safe than sorry.

Over the weekend my husband's step-brother (and my classmate) was killed in a car accident. So this is the third time in a little over a year that I have personally had dealings with the County Coroner. She's a nice lady and all, but seriously three times in a little over a year...I don't care if I see her again for 10 years! We still don't have a lot of the details of the accident other than he was driving a new(er) corvette convertible and was downshifting and the back end got away from him causing the car to flip and/or roll over several times. He was pronounced at the scene and his passenger was life-flighted to a nearby hospital in serious condition.

Last night my daughter, my cousin and I went to see the Jonas Brothers in concert. It was awesome! If I were 20 years younger I might be in love with one or all of them too, they're all too cute! My daughter was screaming and bopping along with all the songs and other kids. It was great and we had a good time, they certainly are incredible performers, very professional. We didn't get home until 11pm and we were up and going at 6:30 this morning. I'm beat and my eyes feel like sandpaper.

That's about it. I'll try to post more frequently now that things have cooled off and settled down.

Ch Ch Changes

2008-01-21T09:16:00.000-06:00

Wow! I didn't realize it had been THAT long since my last post. Alot of things have happened, and I don't know where to begin or how much to get into.

I'm no longer at the job I had for nearly 4 years. I knew my time was limited after my boss died, I guess I never imagined it would be AS limited as it was. Seriously, he died on Christmas day and my last day there was January 11. In the grand scheme of things (with days the office was closed for holidays) I worked 11 days after his death. 11 DAYS! That's pathetic. But, not my loss. I started my new job on January 14 at another law firm in a town about 20 miles away.

Sure it sucks that I'm not 3 blocks from home anymore. But the trade-off is tremendous, stress-free work zone with no control freaks or catty-ness. Priceless.

Without getting in to too much detail, there are some really shady things happening out of THAT office. I'm potentially getting screwed and my boss's kids are potentially getting screwed. But, we're working together as a team and together we will NOT allow any of it to happen. Tables are turning, that's all I'm going to say.

Sorry for the vagueness of things. I don't know who is reading this and I don't want to help anyone out who doesn't deserve my help.

2008-01-01T09:09:00.000-06:00

Well, for me New Year's came and went more or less unnoticed. I've been sick for over a month with this sinus infection / upper respiratory crap and yesterday was no exception. I went back to the Dr., and actually SAW the Dr., and got some new meds. He was a little put off that I'd waited as long as I had to come back in...but circumstances being what they were it was my first opportunity.

The funny thing about it is the new meds he put me on. It's an antibiotic, not penicillin, but it's commonly used to treat things such as ANTHRAX, LISTERIA, THE PLAGUE, MALARIA, and a host of sexually transmitted diseases. So, I guess I'm taking the position that if it can offer help for THE PLAGUE, it can get rid of this crap I've got.

The funeral for my boss was on Saturday and the church was packed. It was difficult, but I made it through. We were a really good team and I thought of him more as my dad than as my boss. His daughters, who are now more or less my bosses, have been great and want me to stay to help them get through everything in the building and to get clients referred out, etc. They said with him passing away a lot of our clients are going to be frantic and if I'm still there that will give them a sense of security. That's all fine and good, but our partner and I had "the talk" on Friday and his practice isn't strong enough to support two secretaries financially or work wise.

So, I'm officially on the market. I've talked with two young lady attorneys who have practices about 25 minutes away from here and they both think I should have an offer by the end of this week. One of them said that everyone she talked to that showed interest wanted to wait until after the funeral and everything to contact me. I just hope that I can go somewhere where I'll be able to keep doing what I've been doing for the past 3 1/2 years instead of going somewhere where I'm a glorified receptionist. That would be a major downgrade.

So, 2007 was pretty craptastic. Let's hope 2008 is G R E A T

Craptastic Christmas

2007-12-27T12:32:00.000-06:00

Christmas morning was going along pretty well until about 9:30 when I got the phone call.

My boss died of a heart attack.

This isn't a boo-hoo for me post, but the reality of things is that my time at my job is limited. I love my job, love the people I work with. I don't want to be looking for a new job, but I have to. With one other lawyer in the office with his own secretary and not enough work to warrant having another it isn't too hard to figure out. I know there is still work here for me to do for a little while, and I don't want to leave our partner and his secretary high and dry but at the same time I don't want to feel like I'm sucking them dry by staying on. I know finances are going to get tight.

On the good side, if there is such a thing in this situation, there are enough local attorneys and judges that think rather highly of me that it should be pretty easy for me to move into a position at another firm rather smoothly or have kicking references in the least.

The bad side of things is that my fields of knowledge are family and criminal law. Not that there aren't other family and criminal law attorneys in town, because there are, they just aren't like my boss. And there is only one other firm in town presently looking for staff, and the lawyer there doesn't really do family law and no one there does criminal law. But, I learned this job from nothing and can and will do the same where ever I end up.

CRAPTASTIC!

My thoughts of victory were...

2007-12-19T12:42:00.000-06:00

SMASHED!

I'm not over being sick and now it's back....with a vengeance.

So I finally decided that three weeks of trying to fight the battle myself was a battle well fought but I was defeated none the less. I went to the Doctor this morning.

First off, it PISSES ME OFF when I don't actually SEE the Doctor yet I have to PAY as if I did. OK, so I saw him for like 3.2 seconds - only AFTER the damn medical student decided to try to KILL ME!

First she almost poked a hole in my brain as she was digging, I mean looking, in my already sore ears. Then she was asking me all these questions that were totally unrelated to why I was at the doctors office this morning. Like, do I have trouble urinating or use chewing tobacco? Well, I guess I never really thought about the correlation between a sinus infection and/or bronchitis and whether or not I can pee...or if I use chewing tobacco.

Then she diagnosed me with a sinus infection and gave me a prescription for antibiotics. Amoxicillin. Hello!?! Brain Trust?!? I just TOLD YOU I'M ALLERGIC TO PENECILLIN!!!!! Get it?!? AmxoCILLIN....PeneCILLIN....yep! Same thing - allergic! Told you twice! Two seconds before you handed me the script.

And then she was all freaked out, didn't know what to give me instead of something with "cillin" at the end of it. Apparently she's never heard of the Z-Pak. Had she looked in my chart she would have seen that it's what I always get. Damn idiot. As if a sinus infection isn't bad enough she thought I needed a heaping helping of anaphalactic shock on the side.

NOT a happy camper!

Holy Crap Ola! It worked!

2007-12-14T16:33:00.000-06:00

Yesterday I felt like such crap with my sore throat, I wanted to do nothing but curl up in a warm blanket and hibernate.

After supper last night that's exactly what I did. I put on my sweats, my wool socks and my newly clean, protected and dry Ugg boots and parked my ass on the couch. I even managed to fall asleep for about 30 minutes. After I put my daughter to bed I took some Delysum cough syrup and an OTC night time cold pill and climbed into bed, sweats and Ugg boots and all.

For the first time in over a week I ended up peeling off the layers rather quickly. Last night was the first night in over a week that I haven't slept dressed as though I was Nanook of the North sleeping out in the open on the Arctic tundra.

This morning I woke up early feeling great. No sore throat. No more cotton ball full of goo.

Enough is enough already!!!

2007-12-13T10:23:00.000-06:00

Apparently my body has been trying to tell me something the last couple weeks and I've either been to stupid to realize it or to busy to care. So, Tuesday I was slapped with a wicked sore throat as a wake up call to pay attention. So now I feel like I swallowed a brillo pad and a cotton ball soaked in goo that has lodged itself directly behind that hangy thing in my throat. Ick Ick Ick. I feel like total shit, there's no other way to describe it.

I guess I should have known something was up. I have been totally carb loading for the past 4 days. Normally I only crave those things like this when I have some major illness coming on. Now I don't care if I eat or not. Just swallowing the saliva that forms in my mouth is painful enough. It's kind of like my body's way of taking care of itself since, historically, I refuse to eat when I'm sick. I have been forcing myself to eat soup at lunch because if I don't eat anything I have a tendency to get lightheaded and pass out. That probably wouldn't be the best thing to happen at work. Yeah, I know, I'm still working, but if I stay home when I'm like this it's at least 100% worse because then I'm all "poor me" and when I'm at work I know I just have to keep on moving.

The other day I did something that I still can't believe I did, but it's for a good purpose. I got my Ugg's wet again, on purpose! I ordered the cleaner & conditioner and protector off the website and got to it on Monday night. It's a total bummer I haven't been able to wear them since Sunday again, but they should be good to go tonight. They do look a lot better, and now they're really really well protected against future water mishaps. I made sure of it by using nearly 1/2 the bottle of protector spray. Hey, can't ever be too cautious!

I think I'm only going to suffer with this sore throat crap for another day before I call the Doc to get some meds. I'm wiped out.

Still drying off and thawing out

2007-12-02T13:27:00.000-06:00

I learned a very valuable lesson yesterday on my trip to Chicago with my cousin Jenn....Ugg's
need to be waterproofed. Seriously, no matter what, if you have a pair, waterproof them right now! What I'm pissed at the most is that they're still wet and I can't wear them. I love those things.

We were doing so good with the weather until my husband called to check in on us and let me know that the weather at home was crap - freezing rain and sleet. Just as I was closing my phone it started to snow just a little bit.

We were at Millennium Park watching people wipe out on the ice skating rink and checking out "The Bean" and took a cab to Ed Debevick's for lunch. When we came out of Ed's there was a thin layer of snow covering the city. The snow wasn't a problem, shortly after that it turned to rain, THAT was the problem.

So, until the point where my Ugg boots became drenched from the rain and the yuck on the streets, my feet were toasty warm and comfortable. From there it went from bad to worse.

My drive home was a trip...2 hours to go what would normally take an hour 10. But the roads were covered with slushy mix and I couldn't go much more than 60 mph. By the time I got home I had such a terrible headache from squinting (it rain/sleeted the whole way home) that I thought my head was going to explode. And the time we had to spend getting the layer of freezing rain off our cars in the Metra parking lot...eww.

I did get some Christmas shopping done at American Girl. And we went to the German festival and that was a lot of fun. It was so funny to be around so many people who actually knew how to speak German! Loved it!! And it took me back to times when my Oma was still around...lots of the traditional German Christmas things all around. One thing that was pretty funny was this guy in front of us in line at one of the vendor booths...we were getting hot mulled wine in a little boot glass and it was called kinderweiss, he was telling us all about it, blah blah blah like he was the president of Germany. He went up to order his wine and he pronounced it to the lady "kind-er-wise" and she rather rudely corrected him that it was pronounced "kin-der-vise". Too funny!! He gave us a look that you could tell he'd gotten his legs yanked out from under him!

We had a great time and we'll for sure be doing it again...when the weather isn't so yuck!!!!

P.S. ~ Sorry Ricardo, no winter fashion show on the blog. I've decided that skinny jeans were the biggest fashion mistake EVER. Unless you're the shape of a pencil, you have NO RIGHT to subject innocent people to THAT! They were promptly returned and I was very fashionable in my boot cut jeans NOT TUCKED IN to my boots.

So far out I'm in

2007-11-28T13:13:00.000-06:00

I am NOT a fashionista. As a matter of fact, the possibility of me wearing today's hot fashion this time next year when it's totally out is highly probable. Because it'll be on sale.

I recently got a pair of Ugg boots. LOVE THEM! They're so warm, so comfortable. They're the first things I put on when I climb out of bed in the morning and the last thing I take off before I get in bed at night. To say I love them is a major understatement.

This Saturday I'm driving in to Streamwood to meet my cousin at her house and from there we're hopping on the Metra and going downtown Chicago. We're going to do some window shopping, maybe ice skate, chow down on some good grub and get some Christmas shopping done. (American Girl anyone?)

I'm planning on wearing my Ugg's because, like I said above, they're so warm and comfortable. And the weather in Chicago on December 1 will more or less require anything that can offer you warmth.

So, Monday I send her an email. She's young (28), she's hip, she's a fashionista. My message line was "OK, so call me stoopid" and I asked her for her advice on the "right" way to dress with my Ugg boots.

Apparently skinny jeans or a long sweater with leggings is the way to go. Yeah, I've got NONE of the above. And the pant legs HAVE TO BE tucked in the boot. Ugh! The thought of "Pegging" the legs of my jeans again (you know, it was popular in the early 90's) - YUCK!!!

So, I jumped online on cyber Monday to find a pair of skinny jeans. Easier said than done. Seems the hot jeans this year are wide leg. Nobody has skinny jeans anymore - they're SO last year.

I finally found a pair and ordered them, they're probably sitting outside my house right now. I don't know if I'm looking forward to trying them on or not. I'm not really built for skinny anything. I know, at 5'7" and 130 pounds I shouldn't be freaking out about it, but the majority of my weight is concentrated in the lower 1/2 of my body. My legs are more iron man than skinny man.

We'll see what happens.

Damn it!

2007-11-27T12:46:00.000-06:00

I'm having a really bad week so far. Actually, it started last Thursday.

We had no plans for Thanksgiving since my folks are snowbirding in Arizona and we had already had our Thanksgiving with his mom on the Friday before since that was when his brother had his kids. So, I bought a small turkey breast to throw in the oven for the three of us, whipped up some scalloped corn, made up a recipe for sausage stuffing (which wasn't so good), threw in a frozen dutch apple pie, plopped some vanilla ice cream on top and called it a day. It was nice not having to rush to get anywhere, worry about the dog being penned up while we were gone, etc. And being able to lounge around in my jammies all day = priceless.

The bad part started at around 8:30 pm. I got a really bad pain in my side. Again. I still have it today, it's moved around a bit and has finally decided to land just to the right of my belly button, which happens to be the location of one of my port sites from my "lap appy". I had planned to finish painting the kitchen on Sunday and instead spent the better part of the day laying on the sofa in extreme pain.

I called the surgeon's office Monday morning. I didn't know if I should start there, or if I should just call my GP, but they told me it was likely a post-op condition and that I should start with him. I have a 2:30 appointment today to see what's going on.

My husband, ever the pessimist, is convinced that there is a tool or wad of gauze left in me and we're going to end up suing the hospital and the doctor and living on easy street for the rest of our lives. I, on the other hand, actually live on the planet earth and believe it's either early onset adhesions or that I've torn some internal stitches. We'll see.

Yesterday his dog started acting strangely and vomiting again. She does this every year when it's hunting season. She's been to the vet multiple times and they think she eats something in the blind that's yuck and she gets an infection. I think it's because she doesn't eat before they go out, so when she gets home and gets to eat she's so hungry that she more or less inhales her food. Good old binge and purge-o-rama! Typically this doesn't effect me, but this morning it did. I was quickly yanked out of my warm bed by the sounds of a dog yacking...at 5:40am. So I jumped out of bed and threw on my robe, got her out of her kennel and outside so she could finish up in the yard. Damn dog didn't want to come back in. And there was no way in hell I was going out. She finally did come back in. And I was left with the task of cleaning up the dog puke. Good fucking morning to you.

When I got home for lunch today I was hoping she had made it those 3 1/2 hours without incident. Seriously, who wants to clean up dog puke at lunch time?!? Apparently I did. It was a triple bonus because not only did I get to clean up dog puke I also got to clean up cat puke and go on a little treasure hunt to find all the pieces of q-tips that were strewn all about my house.

God damn animals.

What by the grace of God...

2007-11-13T09:31:00.000-06:00

...we've been saved.

Last night my husband sent an email to one of the higher-ups at corporate of our cell phone provider. Sob story, just got this phone, blah blah blah.

He just called me and said she called him this morning and told him that a brand new, in the box, Razr will be at the store for him tomorrow for $50. She said we've been customers a long time, have an excellent payment history and they'd hate to lose our business over something so trivial.

THANK YOU GOD! $50 WE CAN DO!!!!

He's still holding onto hope that the fried phone will come back to life so we have it as a back-up. Let's hope.

Shit, does indeed, happen

2007-11-12T12:49:00.000-06:00

Yesterday I (unknowingly) attempted to wash my husband's brand Razr cell phone. And by brand new I mean we JUST got these things about 3 weeks ago. Not my fault he left the damn thing in the pocket of his jeans that he threw in the wash pile as I was grabbing things to put in the wash. It was in the water for probably 5 minutes. Just long enough to fry it.

Shit.

It still isn't working. We took it all apart and laid it out to dry out. Several hours later he stuck the battery back in hoping it would magically be fine. It wasn't.

He went to the cellular store on his lunch today and they told him it's going to cost $269 plus tax to get a new one. Luckily he always keeps his old phones so at least he's got communication back. You should have seen him yesterday, it was like I'd taken breathing away from him or something. And like I did it on purpose!?!

Just one more thing to add to our ever expanding list of misfortunes.

We got the EOB from our insurance Saturday and found out we have to pay $2,500 for my surgery. I guess that isn't bad in the big scheme of things, it was $19,250 - which doesn't include the bill for the doctor. I was in the hospital for right at or just under 24 hours. Isn't that insane? This will end up being close to $25,000 by the time it's all said and done.

On a good note, I've now met my deductible and yearly out of pocket maximum. Me. Not the family. Me. Let's all cross our fingers, legs, toes, eyes and anything else that crosses and hope that no one else gets sick. We can't afford it!

I was hoping to be able to get a plasma TV this year with my Bead Retreat money. Apparently other plans have been made by someone with a little more pull. So, it's either going toward the hospital bill or a new cell phone.

Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.

This week just went from BAD to WORSE!

2007-11-08T12:45:00.000-06:00

At lunch today I decided to head to the local mom & pop bagel/coffee shop to grab a sandwich and iced latte. As I was pulling out of the parking stall the lady in the stall next to me decided she was going to back out too.

Only problem was, I wasn't out of the way yet. CRASH!

The only damage to my car is a black scuff mark on the rear passenger side fender. Nothing else. I was not injured.

So, I did what I was taught to do, pull over and exchange information. What she did was continue driving away. But I got her plate number!!

So, I went home and got out my phone book and called the City Police non-emergency number to report the accident, just to cover MY ass. I don't need this lady totaling her car this weekend and then saying, oh by the way this lady at the coffee shop hit me and did all this damage.

The officer just came to my office and got the information. He's going to see if he can find out who it is and just make sure she has no damage to her vehicle. Like he said, I'm covering things so that she can't try to pin something on me that I didn't do. I'm no cop, but I would think that if presented with evidence of the damage on my car being the rear fender on the passenger side and the damage on her car being the front bumper on the drivers side....my scenario makes sense and anything she says does not. Period.

I have no plans to press charges against her. I have no damages and no injuries. If I did press charges it would likely get tossed by the State's Attorney anyway. And I'm ok with that. (Besides, I know the SA and all the assistants because of my job) It's just the principal of her driving away. She needs to have a police officer at her door telling her that she better not be driving off from any more accidents.

Next time she may not be so lucky as to get off without any injuries or damages.

Reason to be afraid # 17 - When your child's teacher calls in the middle of the day

2007-11-07T12:47:00.000-06:00

It's about 3:45pm and I'm still at work. My cell phone rings. Usually I let it ring and go to voice mail, I'm at work after all, but yesterday for some reason I answered.

I didn't look at the caller id, wouldn't have recognized the number anyway, and was very surprised to hear that it was my daughters teacher on the other end of the line.

On a school day. At 3:45 in the afternoon. THIS CAN'T BE GOOD.

She wanted to make sure we had reviewed her report card which came home in her book bag Friday. I said we had. Hadn't I returned the envelope with her on Monday? Yes, I did, she just wanted to make sure we really looked at it.

OK. Where's this going?

Our daughter is a very intelligent little girl. Since she was old enough to talk and understand what we were saying to her we have more or less treated her as a miniature adult rather than a child. Instead of immediately punishing her when she's done wrong we talk with her, rationalize her punishment and make sure she understands that whatever that behavior was will not be tolerated and that if it continues so will the punishment. It works for us.

She's a very good reader. Very good with math concepts. A very talented artist. She's actually at the level on most subjects that they would expect from a beginning 3rd grader, and she's in 1st grade.

The problem is, she's an only child, and as an only child her "gets along well with others" skills are, well, non-existent. She had problems with this in kindergarten as well, and we thought we had taken care of the problem. Apparently not.

She's not hitting, shoving or hurting other kids - which is an improvement from last year - and she's started to hang with a new group of little friends, which I think is where THIS problem lies. She's started with the name calling.

I don't like it. Not at all. The other girls she's been hanging around have older, much older, brothers and sisters who are apparently teaching them some pretty naughty things. And, since this is what these girls hear day in and day out, they don't really understand that it isn't nice and shouldn't be said. And of course, my daughter has no clue. The other girls are laughing so it must be funny.

We're going to work this out. She's a good kid, she really really is. And she doesn't ever mean to hurt anybody, she just hasn't acquired good judgment yet. She was so upset that her teacher called and talked to me about this that she cried and moped around all night long. She must have apologized to me a million times. And each time I told her that I wasn't the one she needed to apologize to, that she needs to tell the kids whose feelings she's hurt that she was wrong and she needs to tell her teacher that it won't happen anymore and follow through with that.

Surgical Update

2007-11-06T12:40:00.000-06:00

Last week I had my follow-up appointment with the Surgeon so he could see how everything was healing, review path results with me and check for anything else that may be going on.

The good news is that I'm healing well, the pathology results came back negative, my blood count is good, and I don't appear to be developing any hernia's at my port sites. He even went to far as to say that I'm normal. HA! He's new in town, he'll learn.

He said the results from my appendix have him somewhat confused. It was inflamed, but showed no sign of infection, which apparently is unusual, and may or may not have actually been the problem. Not that they can put it back in....and he said there is no known use for it anyway. Cool, extra parts!

I have had female problems for basically my entire life (since I was 15) and have flare-ups from time to time, but this was a different pain than that. He said all my girl parts looked good (which is good news) but he suggested I consult my GYN for further testing. He thought that maybe my ovary had a growth that burst but healed itself when he cleaned my guts out after pulling my appendix and that's why everything looked normal and the pain was gone.

Who knows. All I know is that I feel better, for the most part, and that my incisions are healing well. I'll have one very noticeable scar (where my appendix came out of, it's the biggest incision) and two that you'll have to really look at to see. Not that I go around showing off scars...but if I did, well you get the picture.

I've tried to get a follow-up photo of my wounds without the bandages but they're small enough that it won't show when I take the picture. So, you'll just have to use your imagination!

Disaster averted

2007-10-31T12:49:00.000-05:00

Last night I walked in the house after work only to be met with "There's cat puke ALL over the bed. And oh yeah, there's cat shit on the floor." Gee, hi, nice to see you guys too.

So I go in to see about the cat puke ALL over the bed and it was ALL over his side of the bed. Good kitty kitty. But holy christ! Was that ever a load of cat puke! It was all more or less cleaned up thanks to my other cat who eats the puke when I can't get to it fast enough. But still, it had to have been there a while because it had soaked through the comforter, through the blanket and into the sheets. So, off to the washing machine I go.

First I washed the comforter. Which is a real fun trick. Try washing a king size comforter. NOT fun. The annoying thing is how long it takes the damn thing to dry. So, I stuck it in the dryer for 3 full drying cycles, flipping it around at the end of each cycle so that hopefully it would be dry everywhere. I had just started it on the 4th cycle when about 5 minutes into it the dryer stopped. Oh, and the burning smell, did I forget to mention that?

Luckily, I did not start the dryer on fire. It wouldn't start back up but the thing was almost literally on fire, it was really really hot. I think if I had not noticed that it stopped it would have caught fire. Then I would have been seriously screwed.

Last night I got the "talking to" of a lifetime by my husband about how most people don't wash their comforters at home because their machine aren't big and strong enough. He told me that I was the one who was going to have to come up with the money to replace the dryer that I just ruined.

This morning, I checked it - just for shits and giggles. Works.

No fire. No broken dryer. No money out of my pocket.

All's well that ends well.

The Road to Surgical Recovery and Enlightenment about my Biological Father

2007-10-25T12:42:00.000-05:00

Today is day 7 and I'm feeling better. Still not great, but better.

Last night I finally slept all night long in my own bed! What a difference that makes. I know I've said it before, I really really love my sofa, but not as a replacement for my king size pillow top mattress for any more than a couple hours here and there. I still can't sleep on my stomach, which is annoying since I'm a stomach sleeper, but I realize that these things take time.

The surgi-strips came off all my incisions on Tuesday. Came off. Pulled off. Same difference. I think they were what was causing some of the discomfort I was having because once they were off I felt a little better.

So, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel now and know that full recovery is just a few more days away. And I've lost all the excess weight I gained by not eating anything at all for 4 days. Finally! I think my body realized one day (Tuesday) that I had all this excess fluid and it was all "get that out of here" so I spent a lot of time peeing.

On another note, which should probably be a totally separate post, I learned some information about my biological father while I was in the hospital. His brothers wife (aka - my aunt) is a CNA and was working the floor I was on the day I was there. I hadn't seen her for a while so she came in and we were chatting. Later on, when my mom and I were in there alone, she came in and brought us up to speed on "the family". Seems Cliff (biological father) had a stroke a while back and appears to be nursing home bound for the remainder of his life. Sucks for him, doesn't it? Evidently he's in Maryland, or at least that where he was when this happened. He called them up asking if he could come live with them but they told him no.

Honestly, I don't care about him or his health or where he lives, so long as he doesn't live anywhere near me. Cruel? Maybe, but in my opinion his opportunity for me to give a rats ass about him was given up in the early 70's when he walked out on my mother when my sister and I were babies. I never understood how he could do that when I was a kid/young adult, and after my daughter was born it bothered me even more.

There is no way on God's green earth I will ever EVER walk away from my daughter. She is the best thing that's happened in my entire life and I'm lucky to have her. And I remind her of that every single day.

Besides, I have a Dad that I see and talk to several times a week. He's the man that married my mother on April 9, 1976 just weeks before I turned 4 and my sister turned 5. He was there when I learned how to ride a bike, lost my first tooth, went on my first date, he taught me how to drive, paid for me to go to college, walked me down the aisle, was one of the first to hold my daughter, and was there when I was having surgery last week. THAT is what being a father is all about.

Picture from my surgery

2007-10-22T20:42:00.000-05:00

Here it is - this is what I looked like when they booted me from the hospital less than 24 hours after yanking my appendix out of me. It came out of the spot with the bandage under my tattoo, the incision is about 1/2 an inch long. The surgeon went a little lower than he usually does so my tattoo could be sacrificed. Thanks Doc! (he's the second to cut me open and spare my turtle, see the other scar? C-Section)

It still amazes me that they make an incision on the LEFT side of your body to remove something that's on the RIGHT side of your body...but I guess that's why I'm not a doctor.

I'm also trying to figure out how I gained nearly 7 pounds from the time I was first taken into the doctors office to be examined and the time I left the hospital after surgery considering I ate NOTHING for 24 solid hours, then ate nothing but 3 spoon fulls of disgusting hospital jello and a little bit of apple juice in the following 24 hours. I didn't have solid food until supper time Saturday night and I had surgery at 5pm Thursday - my last meal was a bowl of oatmeal for breakfast Thursday morning at 6:30.

I didn't go to work today but I'm going to try a half day tomorrow and then I hope to be back to normal on Wednesday, that's giving myself not quite a week for recovery. It was laprascopic remember.

I never filled my script for pain meds. I guess I have a higher pain tolerance than I give myself credit for. Ha Ha Ha, that's funny. But I have managed to make the pain tolerable with aleve instead of vicodin. So, for me, major accomplishment!

I'm sore in all sorts of places you wouldn't imagine being sore in from an appendectomy. Like my shoulders (from being tubed I've learned), my throat (tubed), and my wrist (from the end of the IV needle sitting there for 24 hours). Other places too, but those were the most noteworthy.

I'll keep you posted on my recovery.

Major Ouch

2007-10-20T09:22:00.000-05:00

Thursday I had an emergency laproscopic appendectomy. I am still in so much pain it's almost unbearable.

Anymore, they slice and dice you and kick you out the door. I was discharged from the hospital not even 24 hours after surgery, more like 16 hours. I had surgery at about 4pm Thursday and left the hospital at 10:30 Friday morning.

I can't sleep laying flat, so my couch is again being used as a bed. And I'm still so full of the gas they blow into your belly that I get shooting pains just moving certain ways.

I'll get better, I know, but for know I still feel like I've been hit by a train.

They say time flies when you're having fun...

2007-10-16T12:30:00.000-05:00

...so I must be having a blast! I've made several unsuccessful attempts to blog in the past week. I've decided I'm just too damn busy!

My Bead Retreat business is picking up. I have my first retreat scheduled for this weekend. I'm nervous and excited at the same time. I know what I'm doing, I'm not nervous about that, I'm just not real familiar with the catalog yet other than knowing the things I want. It's also going to be a group of my family at the retreat. Nothing like the pressure of family to freak you out.

Work has been stressful. We've got a lot going on and my filing (remember, this is a problem for me) is out of control. I'm working on it today since we have a slow day. As you can tell, I'm really getting after it. (ha ha ha)

The weather is starting to turn cold again and I'm again hating every minute of it. They keep saying we're going to have a warm winter but I don't believe it until I see it.

Duck season starts here this weekend so I'll be a duck hunter widow again for 60 days. It's ok with me. Years ago when we first married I had a problem with it. Now, I'm practically shoving him out the door - AS LONG AS HE TAKES THE DOG!

That's about it. I'll let you all know how my first retreat goes next week.

Better than Expected

2007-10-08T10:49:00.001-05:00

Friday night I finally told my husband about my signing up to be a Bead Retreat Coordinator. I had put it off for as long as humanly possible given the fact that a 6 pound box of supplies is on it's way to my house and expected to arrive this Wednesday.

I was pleasantly surprised with his reaction. I was prepared for the "what the hell was I thinking" direction but was instead received with the "why didn't you tell me so I could pass the word around" direction. I had planned to take a low upfront cost approach but he insists that I get as much PR material as I can right now to help get things started. So, I'm working on setting up online ordering, ordering business cards, etc.

What a relief that he's on board with this project! That makes my attitude much more positive!

I already have 7 retreats scheduled and my first one is in less than 2 weeks. I'm excited and nervous at the same time. I just really really want this to be something that makes me money and is consistent.

We've been looking through the start-up material I've been provided and the lady who is my "boss" had over $100,000 in sales in a year - using the lowest commission base available that means she made no less than $23,000.00 in one year selling beading kits! Can you believe it! Hubby's hope is that I can get a strong enough customer base that this "hobby" will net enough income that I can quit my full-time job and only do retreats - and make more money.

So, my first goal as an Independent Bead Retreat Coordinator/Instructor is to earn enough money to buy the plasma TV we've been looking at. It's about $1,000. So, at my commission base, the lowest available, I need to have retreat costs and sales of about $4,500.

Wish me luck!!!

Checking in

2007-09-25T13:16:00.000-05:00

It seems like it's been close to forever since my last post, must just be me.

It's been crazy all around lately. Super busy at work, busy at home, busy, busy, busy.

Today is school picture day for my daughter. She looked so cute when I dropped her at school. I just hope pictures are early in the day or God only knows how dishevelled she'll look in the picture. I'm especially hoping pictures were BEFORE lunch time, she has a nasty habit of spilling on herself and THAT would suck.

I've committed to a "part-time job". I am now (well, not technically yet I haven't sent my contract in to HQ) an independent coordinator for Bead Retreat. Kind of like the home interior lady of making your own jewelry for those of you not up to speed on the whole Bead Retreat thing. Home parties where each guest makes and takes home their design. It's pretty cool stuff actually. I make my own hours and can schedule as many or as few retreats as I want as long as I maintain my monthly sales minimum. I'm excited about it!

Summer here in Illinois is quickly coming to an end. We did have a few days a week or two back that were just down right ick in my opinion. I hate cold weather, I hate snow, I hate the changing of the seasons, don't do the "colors" of autumn, pretty much hate living in Illinois. Each year I hate it more and more, but there isn't much I can do about it in my current situation. I guess if I want to move somewhere else I have to get a divorce. Been down that road before and swore I wasn't doing it again.

Speaking of marriage - our anniversary is tomorrow. NINE YEARS!!!!! That's right, we've been married for nine years tomorrow. Hard to believe sometimes. Believe me, I have days that it feels like ninety years and days that it feels like nine hours. But, for the most part, I wouldn't change a thing about the last nine years. If anything, I would have had another child. Not that we still can't, but more than likely we won't.

That's about it. I'm hanging on to these last few days of summer like weather with all my might!

I wouldn't have believed it if I didn't see it with my own eyes

2007-09-17T11:47:00.000-05:00

Apparently, my daughter is a thumb sucker. She never sucked her thumb as a toddler, see they make these things called pacifiers (aka the "Binky") and she sucked on one of those things like it was going out of style until she was nearly 3 years old.

At first when I noticed this last night I thought "Oooh! How cute!!" Then I was like "What the hell!?! She's almost 7 years old!"

I knew that both her and my husband would think I was crazy. So, I grabbed the camera and got a picture for proof. This morning I showed her and she still denied she was sucking her thumb....until I zoomed in and she saw her thumb in her mouth.

Still, look at her. Curled up with her "Mo" (the Elmo blanket that was her toddler bed blanket that I can't get her to give up, or sleep without for that matter!) propped up against beary. Isn't she just too cute!?!?!?

Boil Boil Toil and Trouble

2007-09-05T13:20:00.000-05:00

Today my blood is boiling. To the point where I think I need to pop a couple of extra blood pressure pills. Sad, isn't it, that I'm 35 years old and on blood pressure medication? Been this way for almost 7 years now. Prenatal hypertension my ass.

Anyway, the reason my blood is boiling is my boss. This week he has been in a mood that can best be described as FUCKING ASSHOLE!!!!

We have a case up tomorrow for final pre-trial and I've not been able to get him to focus his attention on this particular case for months. I've tried daily for the past several weeks to get him to work on the documents necessary for the pre-trial because, I know this is a shocker, I'M NOT A LAWYER, but I do know that these things have to be done.

So today, the day before pre-trial, he's all of a sudden in a panic about how this stuff isn't done and how there's no way he can go in front of the judge unprepared, it's his reputation after all, blah blah blah blah blah. Then he starts screaming at me about all this because apparently my disgust is starting to show.

So, I yell back. I'm only one person doing the work of two because he's "too busy" with "more important" things and "doesn't have time" to tend to all of this nonsense. I gently (ok, not so gently) remind him that I've been trying for weeks to talk to him about this case and he says to me - this is a beauty - WHY DIDN'T I TELL HIM IT WAS UP FOR FINAL PRE-TRIAL BECAUSE HE WOULD HAVE SAT WITH ME AND WORKED ON IN!?!

What the #*@$!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I left for lunch not knowing if I was coming back. I was so pissed off, I'm still pissed off and sitting here writing about it is making me even more pissed off.

I need a drink.

Sabatoge...tasty tasty Sabatoge

2007-08-31T12:35:00.000-05:00

As you might remember, I've been on Phase I of the South Beach Diet since August 13th. It's the strict phase where the list of things you can't eat far exceed the list of things you can. It's also the phase where you lose the most weight, the icky stuff around the middle, in the shortest amount of time. You're really only supposed to do Phase I for 2 weeks, but I stayed on a little longer to make supper time easier on my family since my husband started 4 days after I did. It really did go much better than I ever imagined, and my cravings for all the carb loaded things I love to eat quickly went away. Not to say I didn't want to have a big old slice of pizza, I just knew I couldn't. Believe me, there will never ever be a time when I have a beyond belief craving for lettuce with vinegar and oil.

We decided to take the long holiday weekend off from the diet, starting today. We've got parties, cookouts and all other sorts of things going on and the ability to find things on our Phase I "list" at potluck events are pretty limited. Besides that, my husband wants to drink - which is another thing you can't do in Phase I.

So, suffice it to say, I have fallen hard off the wagon I was doing so well staying on. I'm certain that, with what I've eaten already today, I have undone in my 6 1/2 waking hours today everything I accomplished over the course of the last 17 days. I figure I should be in a food consumption coma in, oh roughly, 4 hours. At least I'm going out with a tummy full of ooey gooey cheesy greasy sugary yumminess and a smile on my face. Nothing I've eaten today remotely resembles a vegetable or leafy green - hell, nothing I've eaten hasn't been loaded with carbs or sugar! (8 grain bagel with butter, large french vanilla latte, slice of cheese and sausage pizza, triple chocolate pudding cup)

I lost 8 pounds in that 17 days and I'm now (or at least I was yesterday) within 2 pounds of my pre-baby weight. You know, the baby that is going to be 7 years old in December, yeah, that's the one.

I know, I know. 8 pounds - big deal. It is though. The only difference I can really tell is that all my pants/bottoms fit looser, much looser, to the point where I have to make sure my shirt is long enough to cover my underwear from showing. I don't think I look any different than I did with those 8 pounds.

To me it's an emotional thing, my weight. I've always been thin. Mostly, anyway. The day I moved into college I weighed 105 pounds. And I'm 5'7". By the time I came home for Christmas break that year I had gained 30 pounds. When I came home at the end of the school year I weighed 185!!! I gained 80 pounds! The freshman 15 and the transfer 20 plus plus plus! It was horrible. I was miserable.

Since then, and that was quite a few years ago (1992), I've been very aware of my weight. I make it a point to be within 5 pounds of what the weight on my drivers license says. Because, let's be serious, I wasn't fooling anyone way back then into believing for one second that I was anywhere near 105 pounds!

So, here I am now. 35 years old. 131 pounds. And ok with it. Not to say I'd be more ok with being 125 pounds, that's my goal after all, but still ok. And I'm going back on Phase I on September 10.

Addictions

2007-08-22T15:19:00.001-05:00

I admit it. I'm addicted. To many things actually, however none of them are illegal in nature.

I know.....how fun is that?!?

As I was indulging in one of my addictions over my lunch hour today the thoughts of my addictions were swirling through my head. Some of them are things I should certainly be thinking twice about, but others are just run of the mill. So, I've decided to come up with a list of sorts, of some of the things I'm addicted to. Here goes:

1. Single Latte Skim French Vanilla
2. Diet Pepsi
3. Orbit Sweet Mint gum
4. Sugar Free Cool Whip
5. Taco Pizza
6. Bagels with cream cheese (schmeer me up!!)
7. Tanning
8. Exercise
9. My daughter
10. Email

I guess that's my top 10. None of them will kill me (I don't think so anyway) but I know damn well that the tanning is the worst from the list for me. It's just so relaxing to lay there in the warmth. Ahhhhh.

Yeah yeah, so it's a fake bake and I'm exposing myself unnecessarily to ultra violet light. I've heard it all before, a million times I'm sure, and my response is always the same. I'm gonna die anyway, may as well die with a tan and a smile.

I think I have a new addiction that I'm working on. The South Beach Diet - Stage 1. Loving it. It isn't as hard as I thought it would be to avoid all the things I typically turn to the most - carbs, starch, sugar. The only thing I really miss is pizza right now. And maybe the booze. But when my 2 weeks are over I can start to gradually add those things back in.

Here's the thing. I'm getting apprehensive about adding them back in. I've already lost 5 pounds in less than 1 week just by eliminating all those things. So I keep wondering to myself if, when I add them back in, the weight isn't going to just come back. I mean, makes sense, right?

So, if there are any South Beachers in the 3 people who do happen to read my blog - let me know how you did it.

Oh by the way - my husband was very quick to poo-poo the whole thing working until he decided to give it a try to make dinner a little easier on me. And he's lost almost 9 pounds since Thursday.

Oh, gee. I guess the dumb bitch knows what she's talking about sometimes after all.

Finished

2007-08-17T11:56:00.000-05:00

The exterior segment of our "construction" phase, that is.

I didn't think it was going to be possible for them to get it all done by the end of this week - I guess that explains why I don't have a job in any sort of construction field. I haven't got a clue.

I'm amazed by the difference new siding has made. I mean, I knew it would look a little different, but it's much more than I had imagined. I mean, we had white siding on the house already and replaced it with white siding. (8" aluminum replaced with 4" vinyl) We had Forest green shutters on the windows on the front and side of the house and just repainted them. I think it's the combination of all the new - roof, soffits, fascia, downspouts, overhead garage door, siding - that has made the impact.

It's almost as if our house wasn't built in 1958....oh wait, back to reality, it was and we were "gently" reminded of that by our contractor when my husband asked about something. He told us there wasn't much of anything that was done when the house was built that would meet building requirements now. Great news! I'll make sure that bit of information doesn't get passed along to any realtors in the future!

I'm buying paint tonight and plan to get started on painting the kitchen. I decided against ripping the tile off. Too much work and too big of a mess - maybe if we ever gut the kitchen it'll go. As if that's going to happen.

Construction Update

2007-08-16T10:09:00.000-05:00

No new pictures to post, although the guys have been working really hard the past week and a half my house still looks, for the most part, the same as it did immediately after they tore all the old siding off.

Sure, they've wrapped all the windows with new vinyl or something, installed two gable vents on either end of the house, and today should be working on cutting a hole in the side of my house for the new dryer vent, but still not much new siding has been applied. (They did get one section done yesterday, but it's only about 8 feet wide)

The last I spoke with our main contractor, he intended to be done tomorrow. If that's the case, those 3 need to shift it into overdrive because there is still quit a bit to do.

I have picked the paint color for the kitchen walls and I think I'm going to go ahead and buy it this weekend and get started. I'm thinking about trying to pop off the lovely peachy tiles that make up the back splash, but that might be beyond my ability or make one hell of a mess - I'm leaning more towards the latter of the two. We'll see, maybe when the paint goes up (River Road) it'll tone that down some. Time will tell!

School starts next Friday. THANK GOD!!!!! We just got the letter in the mail yesterday and found out who she has as her teacher. I think it'll be ok. I hope it'll be ok. Last year, for kindergarten, I sent a request for a specific teacher - who we did get - but figured we'd take our chances with 1st grade. Now we've started to hear some horror stories about two particular 1st grade teachers, and - wouldn't you know it - one is the teacher she now has. I just hope that if we DO have problems the school can/will adjust accordingly.

That's about it. Not much else happening here in this one horse town.

Under Construction

2007-08-10T12:12:00.000-05:00

At my house, that is. And it's a fricking mess.

Tuesday was the first day on the job and we had two exterior doors replaced with nice new insulated steel doors, one in the kitchen that leads to the back yard and one in the garage that leads to the back yard. I don't really care about the mess that was created in the garage, but the mess that was made in the kitchen was beyond words. Saw dust and chunks of plaster EVERYWHERE.

I had been wanting to repaint, seeing how the kitchen still has white walls. When we first moved into the house, 10 years ago, the white paint on every fricking wall was kind of nice. Neutral. Goes with anything. Now it feels institutional. So, I've gradually been painting the rooms, one by one, and giving our lives some color. Since the trim, that isn't there yet but soon will be, around the new door will need to be painted it seems like this is the perfect opportunity for me to take advantage of the lemons I've been given and make lemonade. Now if I could only decide on a color.

This is now what 85% of my house looks like. Lovely isn't it? I always wanted a house that said TYPAR all over it.
5% of the house says something about some old lumber yard that was around when the house was built a bijillion years ago. (See below) and the other 10% is the front that is covered in limestone. We thought about replacing that with siding....but then quickly dismissed that when measuring the depth of the mortar. THAT project would be a marriage breaker.

This is what USED to be on the house - aluminium siding. That old stuff has certainly seen better days and after this weekend it will no longer be a heap of crap in our back yard but will instead be cold hard cash in our pockets. That's right folks, scrap metal gets big bucks. We're expecting about $400 for that heap of crap. It won't really be money in our pockets, not for long anyway, we've got to pay the guys when the project is all done next week and that will help fill the gaps where the insurance money isn't anymore.

This is the one that has the old lumberyard stuff on it. And oh, the new garage entry door. The new kitchen entry door is in the second photo.

If you look at the first picture at the pile of old siding it kind of reminds me of the garage heap from Fragile Rock. Yeah, I remember Fragile Rock. I still sing the catching little theme song from time to time.

So, that 's about all that's new for us right now. I'm looking forward to the way the house will look when all the work is DONE. It might, almost, look like a house that wasn't built in 1958. And, thankfully, I think we're done with all the major major projects that needed to be done. We've done the roof (twice), the windows, now the siding and 2 new doors (still need to replace the front door that isn't insulated). Now all we have left is new flooring in the kitchen, replacing the bathroom vanity and mirror, and new flooring in the kitchen.

You know what, by the time we get all that done it'll probably be time to move.

Hell on Wheels

2007-08-06T11:41:00.000-05:00

Friday night was marked with a fly-by-the-seat-of-our-pants trip to the Nissan dealership 25 miles away. While we were in the Hubby's truck on the way over he was planning his defense and come-backs to the "ignorant service manager who was trying to screw us" on the deal with the car.

When the tow truck got my car to the dealership they started running all their diagnostic tests and everything came out fine. They could find absolutely no reason what so ever that the car should have been towed there, or that the tow should be at no charge to us....namely $130.

When we got there we had the old battery we had traded in for a new one at AutoZone, since that was the only last bit of a shimmer of hope we had, that it would fail when tests.

So, the guy takes the old battery and runs tests. Thank god, it failed miserably. Which, by the way, validates the tow (and the $130 tow bill) and the replacement of the battery with a brand spankin new Nissan battery ($100) as warranty work.

About 40 minutes later we were driving off and heading back home and the hubby was in a much better mood. We really really didn't need to have a huge mechanics bill to pay in addition to all the money that's going to be flowing out of our bank account this week for the new siding on the house - finally. I'm telling you, if he hadn't made the arrangements to get the siding done this week (it was supposed to be done last year) the money would be gone.

The rest of the weekend was pretty uneventful. Baby Girl and I went shopping for school clothes yesterday with his mom and my daughter made out pretty well. Tomorrow she's going with my mom to do the same. My guess is that I won't have to buy much of anything.

We still don't know who her 1st grade teacher will be, and we haven't been able to buy school supplies because the list isn't at Wal-Mart. School starts in 2 weeks and I typically like to be a little more organized than this so it's driving me nuts!

Grounded

2007-08-03T09:35:00.001-05:00

I can't think of anything more depressing for a Friday morning than to watch your car being towed away. And that's what I just did. So not a good thing to be doing at 9:15 a.m. Kind of puts a bad spin on what should be a good day.

So, we're a 2 vehicle family now down to 1. Which doesn't work real well in the grand scheme of things. Logistically, it's a nightmare. So far we're managing, but we've only been without my car since roughly 5pm last night.

Last night I walked out of my office to go home and got into my car just like every other Monday though Friday. Except when I turned the key in the ignition nothing happened. I called my husband and he came up with jumper cables and was able to get it started and get me home. After supper he went out to tinker on it and it wouldn't start again. He went to AutoZone and bought a new battery, still no luck. He finally jumped it again and took the whole car to AutoZone so they could put it on their diagnostic thing-y and they believe our problem is the alternator.

The good part about all of this, if there is such a thing, is that my car is still under full factory warranty. So, I'm sure this will cost a small fortune - what with the towing to the dealership at no less than 25 miles one way - but thankfully the wonderful people at Nissan will be footing this bill.

I don't know yet if they're going to have it fixed today or if we'll be without my wheels through the weekend, the dealership is going to call me when they get the car there and have a chance to check it out. If we are going to be without for the weekend I've already made a phone call to my parents, who are out of the state at the present time, to see if we can borrow a car since they have 4, and I get the Corvette. SCHWEEEEET!!!!

1999 Red Corvette convertible. I've borrowed it many times, not much of a grocery getter but pretty fun to drive around town in. I haven't had it sideways yet.....but never say never!

Culture Shock

2007-08-02T09:00:00.000-05:00

Yesterday afternoon I attended the wake for my cousins husbands mother. His mom is Hispanic, born and raised in the states, and his dad came to the states from Puerto Rico when he was 19. All their kids were born and raised in the States.

I've never been to a wake/visitation or funeral services for anyone from any other cultural background than mine so this was an experience.

The wake was from 1-8pm yesterday and again this morning from 8:30-10am until the funeral service begins. There were several rosary sessions scheduled as well.
I went with my aunt and cousin and we got there right around 3pm. At 4pm they started the first rosary session - it went on for nearly 45 minutes. (I'm not Catholic either, so none of that really made any sense to me) We left just after 5pm to head back home.

Now, I'm putting it right out there that I have no idea what is or is not "normal" for Hispanic catholic funerals. So, I don't know if this one falls within the "norm" or if the things I witnessed were just typical of this particular family. And by no means am I stereotyping or drawing conclusions - I just honestly don't know about these things.

There was a point in time when we were there that I almost felt as if I was in an episode of one of those TV evangelists with the whole smacking on the forehead falling backward releasing of the demons things. There was a lot of hysterical fainting, lots of sobbing wails and over the top crying.

This passing was unexpected, she was only 60, but had been diagnosed with late stage cancer last fall. So, I guess it was a matter of time, but I don't think anybody was prepared for this.

I don't know. If anybody out there has some insight on this to share with me I would certainly appreciate it. There was a lot of this that I, in all my German heritage Caucasian-ness, just didn't understand....and some of it may make more sense if explained. (Like the death shroud)

Rubbing elbows with the rich and famous

2007-07-31T11:45:00.000-05:00

For those of you out there in cyberspace that are Chicago Cub fans....I present you with my (kinda) brush with fame.

This past Saturday night my family went to a Peoria Chiefs game. Kerry Wood had been there earlier in the week on his rehab assignment and Henry Blanco has been there for quite some time on his. We weren't fortunate enough to see Kerry but Henry did catch the entire game. His hitting wasn't that great, but, given the circumstances, I think he did pretty good. (Circumstances being catching for an 18 year old pitcher and being, BY FAR, one of the oldest players in the dug-out)

So, we're sitting in our seats, looking around and doing some people watching, when my husband says, "THERE'S JIM HENDRY! THERE'S JIM HENDRY!"

We'll I'll be damned. There he was. Seven seats, one aisle and a walk way away from us watching the game.

He seems to be a super nice guy. Later on in the game he was in the concession area watching the Cubs game they had on the television and a friend of ours and his family, who were also at the game, had to leave. As they were walking past him they asked if he would mind taking a picture with them. He graciously obliged and made sure the picture came out good of everyone before getting back to watching his game.

We had a great time. The weather was incredible, our seats were good, the game was good - although the Chiefs didn't win. There was a fireworks display after the game and we stuck around for a little of it and then decided to try to beat the crowd out of the stadium and parking lot. Worked like a charm.

My daughter wanted nothing more than a bag of Cracker Jacks, which she's seen eating in this picture of her and I.

It was fun. We're working on getting her to a "real" Cubs game before school starts, but we're starting to run out of time. This was her second ball game - we went to Cubs Spring Training in Arizona in March of 2006. Again, great seats. She got some autographs (Angel Pagan, Ron Cedeno the most notable of those she got) and we got some really good pictures of Nefi Perez and Alfanso Sorriano.

So, that's my brush with fame - Jim Hendry. Oh, Jim, by the way, Happy Belated Birthday.

Go ahead, try and tell me I'm not a true Cub fan NOW!

Garage sale hell - part 2

2007-07-24T12:39:00.000-05:00

Well, the garage sale came and went. I'm not $1,000 richer but I am $287 and change richer. Huge difference, no? Let me explain.

Friday night we met up at the location and started setting up tables. We were just going to get the tables placed and then be there at the butt crack of dawn Saturday morning to get all the crap loaded up on the tables. This was a YARD sale, no garage involved, so it was just all out there for God and everybody to beg, borrow or steal. The majority (read - not me) decided to go ahead and put stuff out since there was just so much of it. We'd have to be there at 3am to get everything set out on tables. So, against my better judgment, we put our stuff out on the tables and covered it all with plastic praying it would still be there the next morning. It was - remember, this is small town Illinois I'm living in, population 7,200.

While they were setting up Friday afternoon people were stopping thinking the sale was going on then. Rather than turn people away sales were made. I can't complain about that. What I can complain about is that my sister, who was there all day because all she does for a living is deliver newspapers, only put her stuff out. As in purposefully avoiding the things that were mine in the same damn tub that she was pulling her stuff from. So, of course, she had sales of nearly $200 on Friday, before the sale even started, and I had roughly zilch-o. Nice.

Saturday morning I woke up at 5am so I could get showered and look somewhat presentable all day. I sat in the sun all day and didn't get home until 4:15. Oh yeah, did I mention we were supposed to meet up at 4:30 to go out to eat? I took the world's quickest shower to wash the sweat off and loaded up on the perfume.

We went to eat and then Jenn and Tony came over to our house and we sat and talked and drank. I think all told I had 2 beers and 2 Captain and diets over a 7 hour span. My husband on the other hand, again thought he needed to drink an entire half gallon of Captain Morgan. Jenn and Tony left shortly after midnight.

Hubby laid down and immediately realized he had the spins. So, he took his pillow and laid on the bathroom floor. I didn't sleep well knowing full well what was going to happen...that he would soon be praying to the porcelain god. And that he did. I guess I should be happy that he didn't get into bed - there wasn't a repeat performance of the puking in the bed incident from a few months ago - but there was a puking on the bathroom floor incident. What a mess.

I think I got 2 hours of sleep Saturday night and we were back at the garage sale thing on Sunday. By the time we got everything packed up and home it was almost 4 and I hadn't gone to the grocery store so I went and did that and then started supper as soon as I got home.

By the time I finally sat down to relax after supper I was so physically exhausted that I ended up going to bed at 9. And did the same thing last night. I'm still tired sitting here at work today.

We had a few "run-ins" with family over the weekend with the whole garage sale thing. But if we hadn't I would have wondered what was wrong. I'll get into that issue another day.

Bottom line - I survived the garage sale and made a little money. I got rid of the big things I really really wanted to get rid of and all my stuff is separate from all my sisters stuff and will not be mixed together for any future sale. period.

The secret of my identity revealed

2007-07-18T11:46:00.000-05:00

OK - I started something now that I can't undo. Here I am.

The first picture is me with my Husband at a family wedding in April. Notice - brunette.

The second picture is one my daughter took of the two of us a couple weeks ago.

The last picture is my Husband, my cousin's new husband, and me from their wedding two weeks ago. Notice - blonde.

I've decided that the last picture is by far the best picture taken of me in a long time.

I've also decided that I would never make a good candidate for a beauty pageant. Not because I don't think I could do it, but because I'm not really good at the whole "canned" smile thing. Perfect example, picture on the left and picture in the middle. It looks like I'm straining to smile, not natural by any means.

So dear readers, here I am for all the world to see. I'm 35 years old. I'm the mother to a 6 1/2 year old daughter. I'm the wife of nearly 9 years to my husband. I have issues, boy do I have issues. And my family is full of bitches and nut jobs. Oh yeah, I'm both of the aforementioned on occasion.

So, let me know what you think. Am I all that you thought I would be? Do you think I look like I'm 35? My curiosity has the best of me to know what total strangers get as a first impression of my mug.

4 fricking A.M.

2007-07-13T10:31:00.000-05:00

For the last few weeks my daughter has been waking up at 4:00 a.m. everyday. Everyday. Hollering my name. It starts out with kind of a weak "mom-my" then, if I haven't answered or otherwise appeared in her room within .2 seconds it's a louder "mommy?" and if I still haven't responded within another .2 seconds it's a frantic "MOMMY!"

Most of the time she just needs to be covered back up and she's gotten her covers so completely messed up that she can't dig them out of the foot of her bed or lift them off the one side they're on. So, I go in, cover her back up, give her a kiss on the forehead and tell her I love her and tell her she needs to go back to sleep, that it's the middle of the night. Most of the time she asks me to stay in with her and lay down in her bed for a few minutes. She has a queen size bed, so that isn't an issue, I just can't sleep in her bed.

I think part of it is knowing that there's no alarm set in there to startle me out of my sleep world and hurl me into the awake world against my wishes. I'm always afraid that we'll wake up at 10am and the entire day will be lost, or I'll lose my job.

I used to be a little more prepared for this routine. I mean, after all, a few years ago we voluntarily went in and woke her up at 4am to feed her. Now that she's nearing 7 years old, my body tells me that 4am is for sleeping and nothing else.

So, for the past few weeks that this has been going on my sleep pattern has changed. On the rare night that she doesn't wake up hollering for me at 4 in the morning, I wake up anyway. Just to look at the clock and confirm that it is, indeed, 4am I guess. I just hope it ends soon because I'm getting tired of it, literally.

Garage Sale Hell

2007-07-11T12:53:00.000-05:00

I'm in the middle of getting ready for a garage sale next weekend. What a nightmare!

I've been through all my dresser drawers, my closet (even shoes and purses-yikes!), my daughters dresser drawers and closet, and the kitchen cabinets. I still have to go through the drawers in the kitchen and I need to urge my husband to do all of the above. If I had my way, half his nasty shit would be in the garbage. But that's another story for another day.

During my kitchen portion of the project I decided to do something I've planned to do for, oh...I don't know...ever, or at least since we moved into our house 10 years ago - replace the shelf paper in the cabinets. I had no idea that something that sounds so simple could turn into a 5 hour project. F I V E!!! H O U R S!!!

The first two cabinets I did went really quickly but the third one took an hour and a half. The 4 layers of paper that had been placed on through the years were not ready to come off apparently. So, our house was built in 1958 and I think I pulled up shelf paper from the 60's, 70's, 80's and 90's. With accompanying mystery stains to boot. All kinds of fun!

I finished my kitchen project off for that day by demolishing a shelf inside a small cabinet that was basically full of crap and turned it into a very efficient cabinet for all our cookie sheets and pizza pans. Turned out incredibly well! I find myself randomly opening the bottom cabinets - just to gaze in amazement at my handy work.

If only I could make enough money at the garage sale to gut the kitchen and get what I want instead of painting cabinets and putting on new shelf paper to pretend I have what I want. But, I know that won't happen either. Doesn't hurt to dream, right?

My daughter went through all her toys, books, dolls, etc and has decided to sell a lot of her stuff from "when she was a little girl". She's 6 and a half!!! She still is a little girl! We told her she could put her initials on that stuff and she gets to keep the money. She still owes Daddy about $25 for her new bike and she's thrilled to think that she could sell her old stuff and pay that off rather than having her allowance applied to it. That way she'll have "real cash money". She's a riot!

My mom, my sister and my cousin are in on the sale with me and somehow I've ended up being the one responsible for coordinating dates/times and advertising. What a pain in the neck. But, if we do as well as we did last year I'll be nearly a $1,000 richer on July 23 after the weekend of the garage sale.

Fingers crossed for no rain and nice weather!!!

Another one bites the dust

2007-07-02T13:26:00.001-05:00

Well, another one of my cousins is hitched.

This was the one I've been looking forward to since the last one in April. And I wasn't disappointed, other than in my family - but what's new?

Hubby and I skipped town at 10am on Saturday to make the hour and a half drive early enough that we could grab a bite to eat before the ceremony at 2pm. Dinner wasn't until 6:30, and there was no way either one of us would be able to make it that long. So, Saturday around Noon was our first of two visits to Cracker Barrel, my favorite place to eat in all the world. I had all my favorite things - chicken & dumplings, mashed potatoes with gravy and corn. Yeah, major carb overload but I was trying to do some preventative eating. I figured if I filled up with all that I'd have a pretty good base to throw all the booze on top of and not get sick.

A couple weeks before the wedding my cousin asked if I would be in charge of coordinating some family pictures she wanted to make sure were taken. Just before the ceremony she gave me the list, about 15 group pictures - no big deal. After the wedding we were all kind of milling around the parking lot and I tried, I really tried, to get everyone wrangled up and back into the church for the pictures she wanted. But, evidently I was the only one who understood the language I was speaking because everyone just kind of left as I was telling them she wanted us back inside for some quick pictures.

We didn't worry too much about it knowing we could take them at the reception site. So, after dinner I started to round everybody up and discovered that one of my aunts and her family had already left without telling anyone they were leaving. Another one was in a totally pissy mood and my cousin that got married in April who is pregnant wasn't feeling well so that vehicle with 7 of them was leaving. WTF?!? It was 7:30!

I feel horrible. I let her down. But what could I do when I was working with a group of people who would have no part in cooperating? I realize this was (hopefully) her only wedding day and that those pictures can't be recreated. I tried. I really really tried. But the disfunction in our family runs so deep, and I think there was a little jealously involved with this too.

Anyway, Jenn was a beautiful bride and we had a wonderful time. The food was really good, the cake was incredible, the booze was free. If anybody went any sour from this event it was their own fault.

We got back to our hotel at midnight and stayed up for a little while b.s.-ing with one of my aunts and those cousins. I slept really poorly, if at all, I was having a really hard time breathing, and I was cold all night long. What hotel have you ever known to take the flimsy comforters off in the summer?

Sunday morning the hubby was up early, like 6am early. WTF?!? At 8 he was going nuts that we didn't know what was going on for breakfast - that no one had called. I tried to remind him that we had all been drinking rather freely, that none of us got to bed before midnight and that it was highly unlikely that much of anybody was awake yet. But, he kept on the subject enough that I had to start making phone calls to find out what was up. As suspected, we ended up being the first ones to check out, and we ate breakfast (at Cracker Barrel) alone. We were back home at 10:30 Sunday morning. I would imagine we were home before anybody else even had left their hotel rooms. Agh!

Then Sunday we had another party to go to - 4th of July celebration. Before lunch I made the 2 dishes I was taking and laid down a little after noon to take a short snooze. I ended up waking up at 3:30 to my husband yelling that he had planned to be AT the party by now, not just getting READY TO BE at the party. Whatever, the fireworks weren't until 9:30 and I really didn't think we needed to sit there and drink for 8 hours before hand. So, we got there a little after 5 and were far from being the last to show.

So, fireworks Sunday night and we didn't get home until 11pm. I was wiped out yesterday. So much so that I didn't even bother with my contacts and just threw my glasses on. Everybody knows how much I hate my glasses so when I wear them all day it's not usually a good sign.

I did get to bed a little early last night - 9:30, but I'm planning to hit it a little earlier tonight. I'm still so exhausted, and my allergies have turned into a full blown summer cold. Yuck.

By George, I think she's got it!

2007-06-26T13:20:00.000-05:00

On Sunday my daughter officially learned how to ride her "big girl" bike. No training wheels required. It's so funny to watch her because the bike she learned on is entirely too small for her. Think circus clown on a teeny tiny bike with the music playing.

I'm almost ashamed to admit it, but the method we used to teach her came from the Disney Channel. They show these long commercials about kids that make a difference and one of them showed a pre-teen boy who decided to participate in a kids triathlon but didn't know how to ride a bicycle. They showed him sitting on the bike, no pedals, obviously no training wheels, "scooting" around on it to get the balance thing down. So, I thought, what the hell - can't hurt to try it, nothing else seems to be working.

So, a couple weeks ago we went to a garage sale and bought a little bike she could sit on and touch her feet to the ground on for $3. Best $3 I've ever spent. We brought it home, junked the training wheels and unscrewed the pedals. She got right on and started pushing herself around the sidewalk and driveway. For the first few days she always had a foot on the ground, then she started to get daring and lifted one or both up as she went.

So, last Sunday she was doing her normal scooting and had gotten really good at balancing with her feet up. I asked hubby to put the pedals back on so we could see what happened. I was convinced she would just put her feet on them and go. She wasn't real up to the thought of actually riding her bike at first, but when I assured her I would be right there if she fell or got hurt she was all for it.

And, as I suspected, she pushed herself off, put her feet and the pedals, and went like hell. She didn't even realize what she was doing at first. Then she was all proud of herself and had that big cheesy grin of hers for the rest of the night.

Hubby finally did take her out and got her a bigger bike that she's more comfortable on and she's been a riding fool ever since - hasn't missed a day yet.

I'm so proud!

I'm having one of THOSE weeks

2007-06-22T13:00:00.001-05:00

I'm sure I'm not the only person in the world who, from time to time, wonders why the hell they're married to the person they're married to. It happens every once in a while, after a terribly difficult day/week/month. This week is one of them.

Since the first of the year things have been slow at my husbands job. They've worked little to no overtime and at one point even went down to 4 day work weeks. Now, all of the sudden, they've got orders piling up out of no where are are working overtime. 10 hour days to be exact. His department made a deal with the devil, a/k/a their foreman, that their 10 hour days are from 5:00 a.m. to 3:30 p.m. during the summer and 4:30 a.m. to 3:00 p.m. during the school year. That way they aren't late to get kids from school, etc.

Every time he's on 10's, and has to work Saturday to boot, he turns into this absolute makes me want to kill him asshole that gets pissed off at things like my breathing the same air he is. Toss in a very emotional 6 year old two cats and a dog and you've got my life. How I've managed to avoid having a heart attack, brain tumor or nervous breakdown is beyond me. Must be directly tied to my increased alcohol consumption during these times that keeps my blood thinned out. Who knows.

So last night I got my haircut and highlighted. Haircuts are pretty run of the mill in most households, and every summer, EVERY summer, I get my hair highlighted. He knows this isn't a 5 minute job because this has been going on for the 10 1/2 years we've been together.

I did him a favor by the fact that our daughter came with me to the salon and was out of his hair (no pun intended) for the 2 hours we were gone. So, at 8:00 we walked in the door and this is how the conversation went:

HIM: "Why would you ever go somewhere knowing that it's going to take 2 fucking hours to get your hair cut?"

ME: "I got it cut and got highlights. The highlights are what takes the time." (He looks at my hair)

HIM: "I hope you didn't pay for that."

ME: "Of course I PAID for this"

HIM: "You better be making a phone call pretty fucking fast to get it fixed"

ME: "What do you mean 'I better be making a phone call to get it fixed'"

HIM: "Have you LOOKED in a mirror?"

ME: "Yes, the whole time she was working on me"

HIM: "And you still walked out of there looking like THAT?!?"

ME: "It's my hair. I like it. She didn't style it the way I do, but it'll look better than the crappy $12 WalMart haircut I've been dealing with."

HIM: "Get it fixed before the wedding Saturday or we're not going. I have to be seen with you and I'm not going to be seen with you looking like that."

And he walks out the door, slamming the door behind him. I don't know where he went. I don't care. The unfortunate part is that he came back.

My new cut is very cute, very fitting to my face and my frame. The highlights are quite lighter than I've ever had, so much so that I'd say I'm blonde now and I've always been a brunette. I paid $100 for this hair, and I'm afraid that if I were to call up and tell her that I need to darken it up a bit because MY HUSBAND THE ASSHOLE doesn't like it, I'd end up paying more. I've never paid $100 for my hair. EVER.

Needless to say it's pretty tense in my house and the only thing that ever makes things any better is if we just leave him out of things and mind our own business. Eventually he's done working overtime and realizes that he's a dickhead and we're back to normal, or as close to normal as we ever get.

I've not made a phone call to the hairdresser. The color is a little shocking, but I think it's because I've never had hair this light. So, it's a change, a pretty big one. But I think that in a couple of days everyone will be used to it more and things will work out. I like it. And I'm not getting it fixed.

My opinion is IT'S MY HAIR ON MY HEAD. If I'm happy about it does it really matter what anyone else thinks?!?

Come on, it could always be worse - I could have come home with P U R P L E hair.

I'm Blue

2007-06-21T13:08:00.000-05:00

There's this song that used to play on the radio a lot but I don't hear it much anymore. I think the title was "I'm Blue" and it was by Eiffel something. Kind of a catchy song that stuck in your head WAY longer than you ever wanted it to.

Remember the scooter that my boss "won" on auction a year ago at the benefit for our friend? Yeah, he was drunk off his ass and was trying to run the bid up and got stuck. He ended up buying an $800 scooter for $1,300. And then he wanted nothing to do with it, and it ended up being mine. Well, bye bye scooter. (Blue Silver is what my husband called it - it was blue and silver, very original, I know) We sold it and are now $700 richer.

So, we're no longer "blue" when it comes to scooters.

I am, however, feeling kind of blue today. I'm getting better, but before lunch today I think I could have laid down and slept for three days. There are a lot of factors playing in with it I think.

1. I'm tired. Exhausted, actually. I've been working out later in the evening than usual and having a hard time winding down to go to bed at my normal time. So, in the morning I feel like a slug, we're always running late, and I'm either not eating breakfast at all, or like today, eating shit that's full of sugar and crashing a little while later. Case in point, cream filled long john doughnut this morning.

2. I'm sore. I've really amped up my workouts the last few weeks. I've been riding the bike no less than 11 miles. I'm running, at insane inclines, on the treadmill faster harder and longer than usual. My knees hurt, my ankles hurt, my abs hurt. My ass hurts. I hurt in places I didn't know COULD hurt.

3. I'm hungry. Weight Watchers is going well - I'm eating really healthy stuff, lots of lettuce, fresh fruits and vegetables. But I want to eat the things that I know I shouldn't and I want to eat them in amounts that I know I shouldn't. Today I totally blew it with the doughnut, and a Starbucks Vanilla Frapucinno, probably a 1/2 cup of Karo Syrup at lunch and I'm looking at a Whatchamacallit candy bar as we speak. He isn't calling my name, yet.

4. Hubby's been working overtime this week. And you know what happens when he's on overtime. Our entire house is on eggshells because he's such a crab ass. Last night he went into a total tirade because, God forbid, he had to give his daughter a bath. If I pulled that kind of shit over giving her a bath, we'd have one miserable existence.

5. My favorite high school teacher died a week ago. I just heard he was recently diagnosed with cancer and moved to a convalescence home. I had every intention to go visit him, but I was too late, he died before I had the chance. So, Herr Laesch - auf weidersehn, ich liebe diche. (He was my German teacher, and a very close friend of my German grandmother) Herr was the only reason I stayed in German class after my grandma died. And every time I ran into him he'd greet me with his patten "Taag! Wie gates?" and I'd say Hi Herr Laesch, I'm good how are you. And he'd always say "Auf Deutsch! Auf deutsch!" And when I would tell him my "deutsch" was too rusty these days he'd tell me, and he was always right, that I could still speak German - that I just had to try. So, I did, and it always came out just right. He was a wonderful man, a brilliant teacher, an inspiration to many.

6. There was a short little reference to my cousin in the local paper today. Totally caught me off guard and started the day off in a sad way.

On a good note, Eric - the ex-boyfriend, always seems to pop online when I need it the most. He always makes me smile with his off the wall comments, and today's we've been chatting the better part of the day. Thanks, I needed you today.

1 week down, 11 weeks to go

2007-06-19T12:46:00.001-05:00

Well, my first week on Weight Watchers went...okay. I did manage to lose some weight, how is still beyond me.

I've pretty much learned that anything that I love love love to eat is off limits. Not to say I haven't still indulged. I've just done so in moderation, and with 22 mile bike rides.

I've really been hitting my workouts hard. Riding my bike out on the streets and clocking in 11 miles in 40 minutes. Now, I'm no Lance Armstrong by any stretch of the imagination, but I thought that was pretty damn good considering I'm crossing 3 major intersections during that time. My husband figures I'm riding at about 15 miles an hour. Rock on! But man oh man does my ass hurt. Thank heavens he decided to buy a "good" bike. (We got a Trek)

So, I'm getting there, slowly but surely. I'm still being honest on my recording of my food and exercise. And, even though I totally blew my points allotment last week I still managed to lose 1.7 pounds. In a week. So ha.

I'll keep you posted about my progress. So far, still a little discouraged but I think I'm finally catching on to this whole "healthy eating" thing. Now to get my husband and daughter on board - that would be sweet. Baby girl could stand to cut down a little. She's 6 1/2 (tomorrow) 4'3" and weighs 78 pounds. She looks like her dad did when he was a kid - a square. But, she's active and still growing so she'll thin down, eventually.

Not much else going on. We're getting into the garage sale mode for an upcoming family sale. Man do we have a lot of shit. It's all out of the closets and drawers and now just needs to be priced. Why do garage sales have to be so damn much work!?!

Discouraged already

2007-06-13T12:50:00.001-05:00

I've been toting around a few extra pounds for a while now. I've been trying to get back to my pre-baby weight, but apparently that isn't meant to be. I have lost about 5 pounds myself, just by hitting the gym 4-5 times a week and running my heart out. But still, I can use some help.

So, after talking with some friends who recently joined Weight Watchers I decided to take the plunge and signed on for a 3 month stint online. No meetings to attend, it's purely on the honor system.

I started on Monday and have been completely honest about everything. My weight. What I've eaten. The amount of exercise I've done.

I'm discouraged though, because the smart people at Weight Watchers have allotted me 19 points per day. Sounds like a lot. But in reality, you pretty much have to eat lettuce all day to stay within your point category. Monday for lunch I made myself a nice lettuce salad with cottage cheese and pickled beets thinking I was helping myself out. Turns out that thousand island dressing is 6.5 points for 2 tablespoons. Who would have thought!

I'm slowing learning what I can and can not eat and the quantities that I can eat them in. It'll take time, and I'm sure it will work, but as I sit here right now, at 1:03 p.m. I'm out of points for the day. I'm not hungry yet, so it's ok for now, but I really do like to eat supper.

Good thing they also assign points for physical activity. I've been pretty close to being able to wipe out my overages so far with my exercising.

This child of mine

2007-06-05T13:19:00.000-05:00

If not for the 5 inch long scar on my belly, I'd seriously question that my daughter is, in fact, my daughter. Not entirely, I suppose, because she is a lot like me in some respects (fear of needles) . But the adult version of me and the child version of her are not real similar.

Friday was technically her last day of kindergarten. She had to go back today for a whopping 45 minutes to get her report card and have recess one last time I guess. I got to the school to pick her up and there were literally 100+ kids jumping around with smiles on their faces - relieved that it's summer break. Not my daughter. She was the one standing their bawling her head off. Upset that she can't go to school every day all year long. She loves school. I'm sure the fact that her teacher was wonderful and compassionate had everything to do with that. Thank you so much for that Mrs. C. We needed it this year with all we've been through.

So, all told, she is now entering the 1st grade. She grew and inch and a half and gained 4 pounds during the school year. She missed one day of school and wasn't late one single day. She checked out 63 books from the school library.

I love my little girl like nothing I've ever loved in this entire world. The fact that she's getting bigger, older, smarter, more independent - scares me. No matter what, she'll always be my "Peanut".

Postal Nazi's

2007-06-02T13:19:00.000-05:00

To start this out I have to say - I live in a small town.

There a about 7,500 people that live here and people from many surrounding small communities that work here. It's not big city living by any stretch of the imagination, but we have fast food joints, several gas stations, Amtrak, multiple manufacturing plants, and more than one stoplight. Hey, doesn't sound like much if you're big city folk, but for us here in the middle of corn field USA, it's a big deal.

My experiences with the Nazi's that work at the post office here are many. And none of them have been real positive. We have one person in particular that works there who is clearly not the Post Master but thinks she should be and acts as if she is. And people wonder why, after reaching the maximum level of tolerance toward these workers, people go off the deep end and walk into the post office with weapons opening fire? I totally understand their angst.

Like the time I sat and watched my mailman but a box of someone else's checks into my mailbox. I saw they weren't ours and tried to grab him before he took off so they could get to the right place. He flat out told me he didn't put them in my mailbox. I saw him do it and he knew I saw him do it. And still, he tells me he didn't and refuses to take them. So I took them to the post office and told them the story. Not my checks, mailman put them in our box, saw him do it, tried to get him to take them back and he wouldn't do it. Instead of thanking me for doing a good deed - they asked me for identification to prove that they didn't belong to me and I was trying to refuse service on them. A box of checks!!! From a bank!!! For someone who lives about 10 blocks away from me!!

Yesterday I had to go and pick up the mail for my parents. Earlier in the week they got a phone call about my dad's 95 year old aunt that things were bad. He's her only living relative so off to Arkansas they went. Since they didn't know how long they would be my mom went to the post office and had their mail held. They do this when they're in Arizona for the winter too. So, like I did every Friday for 6 months, I went to the post office to pick up the held mail. The problem lady is who I ended up with - great. So, she tells me they don't hold mail, that the individual carrier holds the mail, and I'd would need to contact the carrier. I don't know my parents carrier from Adam. And besides that, why should I have to call him at home to get held mail!?!

Bottom line - I did finally get the held mail that, low and behold, was in fact being held at the post office where they don't hold mail. This happened only after I asked to speak to the Post Master.

Take that you Postal Nazi.

I think I've just angered the Gods

2007-05-30T12:48:00.000-05:00

What happens when you kill a plant you were given from a funeral? I suppose I'm going to be finding out soon.

My aunt gave me one of the many many plants that came in when my cousin Eric died and I brought it into work since my cats would eat the holy hell out of it. Today I happened to look at it and it didn't look too good.

The cleaning lady is really at fault here, she waters all the office plants. It's the karma that I'm worried about.

It's a miracle!

2007-05-25T08:26:00.000-05:00

I don't know how. I don't know why. But, today for some reason the ISP at work has decided to let me in.

I'm pretty much here by myself today, the Friday before a long weekend. Sweet. I've got all kinds of things planned for the long weekend. Sleep. More sleep. Then I think I might take a nap to relax from all the stressful sleeping I'll be doing. I'm not kidding, I have slept so poorly the last couple weeks.

On Monday I was able to convince my husband that our central air was meant to be used, and that if we didn't use it when it was 90 degrees with a hundred bijillion percent humidity, he'd be sorry. I can indeed be a nasty bitch when all those wonderful flowers that everyone, but me, loves. Pollen is my worst enemy, followed closely by all those other wonderful earthly things that can make people feel like their head is being smashed on a giant anvil. Allergies suck, big time.

I said in a post the other day that I had to schedule minor outpatient surgery. Well, June 15, 2007 is the day and it's coming faster than I'd like it to. I've got mixed feelings about this deal. I have to get it done, there's no way around that, so part of me just wants to get it done and over with and the other part of me wants to draw it out as long as possible so I don't have to get it done.

Shrek the Third this weekend! I'm excited, I really enjoy the Shrek movies.

Almost a shotgun wedding

2007-05-24T12:02:00.000-05:00

One of my cousins recently got married - April 21, 2007.

Several weeks ago she spread the word around that she was pregnant, like 8 to 10 weeks pregnant. Like, she was pregnant before they got married.

Not that I care. I'm not one of those prudish people - I'm really not. But before they were married they swore they were going to wait several years to have children. Guess that plan backfired.

Finally......

2007-05-22T21:09:00.000-05:00

..........We switched from crappy dial-up to BPL (broadband over power lines) at home. Amazing. Absolutely amazing. We also found out that a huge part of the major problem we were having with our dial-up service was McAfee. Thanks for nothing computer geeks at McAfee. So, we're with Norton now and wha-laa, no more problems. It was a bitch getting McAfee all the way out of the computer though. I tell you what, those programmers really know how to make it so it takes, oh - roughly three entire days, to get it all. Bastards.

..........Eight days and 1 hour left of kindergarten, not that anybody is counting. I'm actually not looking forward to the end of school. Here I just got myself timed to the last possible minute we could leave the house and get to school and work on time. Now it's going to take me months to figure out the new timetable and just when I get it figured out it'll be time to go back to school again.

..........I have to have minor outpatient surgery in a couple of weeks. I called to schedule it and I'm still a little apprehensive. More on this later - it's kind of a delicate subject and I have to figure out if I want it plastered on the web for the world to see.

..........Soccer is over - hallelujah! But, T-Ball practice has already started and games start next week. Two a week but no weekends. That's an improvement anyway. Besides, if there were weekend games she would miss just about every one of them. We have soooo much stuff going on in June. Crazy. As for T-Ball, her coaches are the same ones she had for soccer so it's pretty nice. But the team name - not great - we're the White Sox. Yeah, no White Sox fans in this house, we're Cubs fans. It's only T-Ball so we're letting it slide.

..........Speaking of the Cubs - I was going to try to get tickets to a game on July 1 since we're going to be in the 'burbs on the 30th for my cousins wedding. I know it's a Sunday afternoon home game and all, playing the Brewers. I checked at cubs.com and can't get 2 seats together to save my ass. I also looked around at some of the aftermarket ticket (Scalpers) brokers and was shocked to see the prices. $75 a piece for bleacher seats?!? Come on! So, sounds like we're going to try to get to a couple of Peoria Chiefs games instead. Closer to home. Better parking situation. Cheaper ticket prices. Ryne Sandberg as the coach. No brainer.

It's been crazy around here lately so I've been a little lacking on my posts. Now that we're up and running with BPL I should be able to be a bit more consistent again. Still can't sign-in at work anymore but I can still read those I typically check each day. Strange.

Junkers

2007-05-10T11:44:00.000-05:00

Every year our town has what they call "Clean-up" days. They divide the city into sectors and then go through town with garbage trucks, end loaders and large trucks gathering it all up.

Here's the thing - you put your crap out on the curb a day or two before it's picked up by the city, sit back and enjoy the show.

The junkers come out in droves. Some are total dirtballs who use this as their yearly redecorating trip, some are people who go around looking for metal to sell and make some money, some are normal everyday people like you and me.

This morning I saw something I wish I hadn't. I was dropping my daughter off at school and noticed a local attorney digging through a pile of shit on the curb. He then picked something up, put it in his van and drove on to the next pile of shit. A LAWYER!!!! And his wife is a CPA.

Never ever ever would I feel the need to drive through town digging through things that other people believe to be shit that they put on the curb as trash to find what may be a "treasure". I don't even to garage sales, and that's legitimate stuff!

Although he's old enough to know better he was obviously too drunk to care

2007-05-08T11:46:00.000-05:00

On Saturday my daughter and I were in Naperville for a wedding shower for my cousin and her fiance. We left town at 10am and got into Naperville at around 11:45. The restaurant was easy to find and the food was good - I came home with more than I ate the portions were so huge.

My husband had a Ducks Unlimited event that was from Noon to 6pm here in town, so when we got back from the shower we crashed that shindig at about 5:30. He looked and sounded fine, although he had more than likely started drinking at Noon. It was all you can eat, all you can drink.

One of the guys at the DU event decided to have some people over afterward and invited all of us to come over, and bring the dog. So, we went over there shortly after 6 and were there until about 11.

The majority of the other party goers were 25 years old. Evidently, my husband felt he needed to try to keep up with them. Why? Who knows.

So, all Saturday night I was basically awake because my husband was up puking all night long. He puked in the bed. IN THE BED!!! And I had to wake him up to tell him he puked IN THE BED. At midnight I was changing sheets and starting wash.

I'm telling you - I love my husband, I do. But this guy is the worst sicko ever. He was whining and moaning, slept on the bathroom floor for a few hours. He can't just quietly puke, he has to make sure the whole house knows he's sick. For crying out loud.

It took him until about 6pm Sunday to feel "better". He swears he wasn't sick because of all the beer, that it HAD to be something he ate. Yeah right. Whatever!

Seasons suck

2007-05-04T12:07:00.000-05:00

I've lived in Illinois all my life. For the past 10 to 15 years I have wanted to move to somewhere else. Arizona. I love it in Arizona. I love the weather, the surroundings, everything. There are typically 2 times each year when I really want to live anywhere but here. Spring and Winter.

I went on a bike ride around town the other night. I think every fricking person in town had either just mowed or was mowing and everyone has a lilac bush in their yard.

For the past few days I have been having a real hard time breathing - my allergies have kicked into high gear and my prescription meds are doing nothing.

I talked with Eric, the ex-boyfriend, this week. It was nice to catch up. He had heard from another friend in the area about my cousin and wanted to make sure I/we were alright. I'm not, but it's getting better every day. We chatted online and he turned on his webcam so I could see him. I felt like a peeping Tom but it was pretty funny at times too.

I had an appointment scheduled with a psychic but I had to cancel due to other plans on the same day. I don't know that I believe in psychic's, but I get to see her for free, so what the hell - I'll give it a shot.

Off to Chi-town tomorrow for a wedding shower. Normally I dread these types of things but I'm actually looking forward to this one for some reason.

That's about it. We've been running around like crazy with soccer and in the next few weeks start in on t-ball. Yipee.

35 came and went

2007-04-25T12:05:00.000-05:00

I'm 35 now.

So what?

I don't feel like I'm 35. I don't think I look like I'm 35. Other than the dark circles under my eyes all the time. But, I look at that as a sign of being a mother more than an indicator of age. That's my story anyway. And after all, this is my game so - play along.

My birthday was one of the most uneventful days I've had in a long time. It was nice. But at the same time, I would have liked a little more "ta-da it's your 35th birthday" fanfare.

Oh well. Can't have it all.

Stranger things have been known to happen

2007-04-20T11:51:00.000-05:00

The wedding went off without a hitch, for the most part. The weather cooperated to a certain degree - it was cold but no rain. The little girls did an awesome job flowering the "runway" and sat still very well for the ceremony. The food was good at the reception and we were the outlaws when it came to the drinks. We smuggled a 1/2 gallon of Captain Morgan into the reception in a diaper bag. I'm sure that at some point in the night the waitstaff that kept bringing our table free pitchers of diet coke realized that we were way to happy to be drinking only diet coke. Yeah, we got up against the side of that 1/2 gallon and showed it who was boss. I don't think I've drank that much alcohol in a l o n g t i m e.

For some reason, I can only post from my home computer now. DSL at work won't let me in and this is the only time I can actually praise my crappy dial-up internet at home. Oh well, probably shouldn't be doing that at work anyway. But this is inconvenient to me to have to dial-up, wait for everything to load. AGH! I HATE DIAL UP!!!

I get to accompany my aunt to a wedding in Chicago this weekend that sounds like it should be interesting to say the least. I guess the bride's parents have recently hired security for the church and reception location due to recent actions of the mother-in-law. I'm making sure my camera battery is fully charged so I can get some video if the need arises. Who knows, maybe America's Funniest Home Video's would like to see some of it.

T minus 5 days until I'm officially the big 3 5. Big deal. I don't feel like I'm 35 so I'm not going to act like I'm 35 years old. So there!!

Updates

2007-04-11T11:51:00.000-05:00

THE WITCH DOCTOR
I have good news about my experience with my "Witch Doctor". The magic potion worked wonders and I believe it pushed me over the edge to recovery. No more doubts about turning to her for help in the future.

THE FAMILY WAR
Is only getting worse. I don't understand why these people feel the need to continually cause emotional damage to others in my family. It's gotten really ugly recently. So much so that my cousin that is getting married this weekend called my mother (her godmother) and told her that she and my dad were not welcome at her wedding - period. That is something you can't take back. It's done. This has caused an absolute divide in my family and the one being hurt the most by it is my 79 year old grandmother.

So - I'm on a mission to live my life honestly. I'm no longer sugar coating anything. My family is fucked up. Plain and simple. I refuse to let other people's anger fuel my life. I'm so done with it.

The funny thing is that karma is weaving a wonderful web on the lives of those stirring the pot. Amanda's wedding is Saturday and up until Sunday the weather was going to be very pleasant. It's now supposed to be in the 30's with a high chance of rain and possibly snow. You get what you deserve.

I do believe in karma more no than ever before. All a result of this bullshit.

My boss suggested a family divorce. I told him to look into it. I think he thought I was joking. I wasn't.

E.S.P. ~ April 7, 1977 to January 10, 2007

2007-04-07T08:52:00.000-05:00

Today would be Eric's 30th Birthday.

It's still very hard to deal with his death. There isn't a week that goes by that something doesn't trigger a memory and I end up crying.

And then there's all the bullshit that continues in my family. I've said many times in jest that Eric is the luckiest man since he doesn't have to listen to it anymore. I would rather he had moved away than to have committed suicide. But, it was his choice for dealing with the troubles in his life.

Happy Birthday Girth. We miss you.

The Witch Doctor

2007-03-28T10:10:00.000-05:00

That's who I'm making my next call to.

She isn't really a Witch Doctor - it's just what I'm calling her for lack of a better description. We have a client who has become a very good friend to me. She owns and operates a perfumery here in town and she's been in the business for quite some time and sells "knock-offs" of name brand perfumes and colognes. I'm hooked on the Burberry type myself.

For nearly three weeks now she's been offering to whip me up a batch of something and I've graciously declined her offers. Today, I'm calling her up and telling her I'm all in.

Last night I was again disappointed after knocking down a good size swig of my new cough syrup with codeine. I didn't even bother going into bed, I just stayed on the sofa from the get go.

Today I feel "off". That's really the only way I can describe it. I think I'm just so run down from lack of sleep and it's finally caught up with me and is hitting me pretty hard. My head feels floaty and it's getting progressively harder to keep my eyes open. And it's only 10:15. Man do I have a long day ahead of me.

I thought about trying to lay down at home on my lunch break but I've convinced myself I wouldn't wake back up in time to make it back to work. I don't think I'm anywhere near sick enough to stay at home.

I mean, I feel ok other than this shitty cough. And I'm tired from all the lack of sleep since I'm up most of the night coughing.

Ahhh. I just don't know what to do any more.

The results are in

2007-03-27T12:55:00.000-05:00

I called the doc's office yesterday first thing in the morning to see if my x-ray results were in. At 3pm I hadn't heard anything and my cough was getting progressively worse - I didn't think that was possible anymore but I was wrong.

Shortly after 3 I called in again. The nurse came on and asked if I was able to come into the office RIGHT NOW. If that isn't a good way to freak someone out I don't know what is. They wouldn't tell me the test results, said they were in but wanted me in the office.

At about 4:30 the nurse called back and did give me the results. No pneumonia. Good news I suppose. But they still don't have any rationale for the lingering and worsening cough. So, now I've got yet another new prescription to try. I've almost got myself convinced that I'm doomed to have this nasty shit until the end of time. I hope that isn't true.

So, tonight I'll be swigging down some generic Robitussin with codeine. It typically works wonders for me. But, again, I'm not getting my hopes up. Nothing that typically works seems to be working this time around.

Captain Xa-Ray

2007-03-26T12:49:00.000-05:00

Friday afternoon I called the doc's office to see about getting rid of this mutant cough. It took a while, but I somehow managed to convince the nurse that I wasn't about to spend the rest of my life sleeping in an upright position on my sofa when I have a perfectly good king size bed calling out my name. She called me back just before 5pm with word that the doc had approved getting me some more meds and strongly suggesting I get a chest x-ray asap.

So I went to the drug store and picked up my script for 3 days of Prednisone (nasty shit) and then we were off to a going away party for some friends of ours. I didn't read the label on the meds, but I'm guessing it didn't suggest it be taken with Bud Light. Oh well, drink 'em if you got 'em.

Saturday morning I went and had my chest X-Ray (my daughter says x-a-ray). It took all of about 5 minutes and I'm guessing I'll get a bill for about $800. As long as my doc can figure out why I'm still coughing I guess it'll be worth every penny.

Saturday night we went out with a group of friends for a birthday. Dinner. Drinking. All adults, all the kids were with overnight babysitters. We really need to do that more often. Adult night.

Friday and Saturday we were with most of the same people. The new drink of choice for several is Captain and Coke. I tried one. Not bad. Never really cared for the "spiced" part, but when you put it with Diet Coke, which I also don't care for - at all, it works. Tried one with Diet Pepsi, my cola of choice, not so good.

So, Sunday my husband went out and bought a fifth of Captain Morgan and a 2 liter of Diet Coke. The coke is all gone, the Captain is about a 1/3 gone.

So, new plan of attack for my mutant cough. Dr. Captain Morgan.

Sucker Punched

2007-03-23T12:50:00.000-05:00

Yeah, I thought I was getting over this bronchitis crud when, BLAMO!! Sucker Punched back into it. Should have known it was too good to be true when I was in my own bed for the second night in a row and I started coughing. Last night I was in bed for about 3 hours, freezing the entire time, got up at 1:30 in a coughing fit and ended up on the sofa until 4:30 when Hubby sent me back to bed. Yuck. I'm calling the doctors office this afternoon and giving them a piece of my mind, a small one, but a piece of my mind all the same.

I also thought I had completed all the stages of my grieving process over the suicide of my cousin, Eric. All those emotions came rushing back yesterday. I found out that a client of ours, an 18 year old kid, committed suicide by hanging himself in the family garage. His mother found him.

It's kind of bizarre but I somehow feel connected to her in a strange way. It's because I know what she's feeling; the despair, disbelief, the total devastation of the whole situation. All the images that come as flashbacks.

I found myself crying for a good steady hour last night. I was standing in my kitchen and happened across the picture on my fridge of Eric with my daughter, my niece and my cousin's daughter from a party over the summer. He had his arms around all three little girls and all of them were smiling. I lost it and sat in the TV room just crying about everything and nothing.

Next month is going to be rough. Eric's 30th birthday is April 7th.

I can deal with this

2007-03-21T12:36:00.000-05:00

Finally - I'm starting to feel better. For the first night in over a week I slept the entire night in my bed. Yeah!!!

I do have a terrible sinus headache but I can deal with it a whole lot better than the whole hacking up a lung business. I'm still coughing a little, but it's nothing like what I was doing a week ago. And my voice is somewhat back to normal, I'm more nasal-y today than anything, but that goes hand in hand with the sinus headache.

My Mom and Dad are basically home from Arizona now. I talked to Mom at Noon and they were in Iowa and expected to be home no later than 2pm. We've already got dinner plans to meet them tonight with my sister and neice. The hubby is a little less than thrilled. Everytime Mom suggests we meet for dinner we end up at Pizza Hut for the buffet. Not that either of us hate Pizza Hut, we just don't eat there.

Within the next week we're going to start having a crazy running the kid around town schedule. She's signed up for spring soccer and has practice starting this week. In April when the games start she'll have one during the week and one on Saturday in addition to practices. We also signed her up for T-Ball this Spring and I have no clue when that starts. Crazy.

I made it to the gym last night for the first time since last Tuesday. I just walked on the treadmill for 30 minutes at a brisk pace. I wanted to run, I really really did, I just didn't have the strength to do it. I'm feeling better but still trying to catch up from the lack of sleep from all the coughing and sleeping on the couch.

Still no flower girl dress for the wedding she's in on April 14. Should I offically start to panic yet?

Sick and Tired of feeling Sick and Tired

2007-03-19T12:47:00.000-05:00

The title says it all. I am absolutely sick and tired of being sick and tired.

I haven't slept in my bed in a week. I love my sofa and all, but not as a week long substitute for my nice cushy king size pillow top bed. What I wouldn't give to be able to lay flat. Seriously.

I have coughed so much in the past week that I expect to have abs of steel. I don't. But I should.

I've decided that the drugs prescribed by my doctor for my current ailments are highly over rated. What ever kind of mutant sinus infection / bronchitis / strep throat strain of virus I have is just laughing it's ass off at me for thinking those measly pills and weak cough syrup would have any effect on it what so ever.

I just talked with a nurse-client who said I need to get another round of the Z-Pack and that I'll likely need another one after that. She works downstate, but said she's seen this thing lasting for up to three weeks. THREE WEEKS!

Saturday in Joliet was really nice. The train station has a beautiful room they rent out for receptions and so forth. The pictures on their website really don't do it any justice. It was a little odd to be sampling chicken and steak at 10:00 in the morning, but we somehow managed to muddle through it. Judging by the size of the sample entrees they brought out for us to taste it will be nearly impossible for anyone to leave there hungry. If they do, it's their own damn fault. Period.

So, if anybody has any suggestions for me to whip the ass of this mutant virus - let me know. At this point, I'm willing to try just about anything - that's legal that is.

Psyched Up / Psyched Out

2007-03-16T09:53:00.000-05:00

Wednesday when I wrote I was looking forward to the opportunity to take the cough syrup my doctor had prescribed for my bronchitis. Normally I get the generic version of Robitussin with codeine, that isn't what I got this time - and I didn't realize it until I went to swig some down. I was all psyched up because I was under the impression I would get some sleep. Man, was I ever wrong.

Thursday I ended up staying home from work. No doubt I needed it, probably should have stayed home today too, yet here I sit at work hacking out a lung while trying to carry on somewhat intelligent conversations on the telephone with clients.

I've spent the last three nights "sleeping" on the couch. I have to basically find a way to sleep in an upright position. Not real easy to do. At least I'm nice enough to go out to the couch and let my husband get some sleep. Lucky bastard.

Tomorrow I have to drive my Aunt to Joliet. I'm hoping that I'm feeling better after getting 3 days worth of Z-Pack into my system. I just don't know. I can't imagine feeling much worse, but the possibility of feeling any better seems to elude me too.

Triple Threat

2007-03-14T13:08:00.000-05:00

Remember yesterday I said I felt like I'd been hit by a Mack truck? Well, this morning when I woke up I felt like I'd been hit by a train, a speeding train.

I finally broke down and figured I may as well just go to the Doctor and get rid of this crap. So, I went, and found out that I have not one, not two, but three ailments! Ding Ding Ding - jackpot!

So, I am the proud new owner of (1) a sinus infection, (2) bronchitis, (3) strep throat. Yipee!!! So now I've got no less than $70 into being sick today between the co-pay at the doctors office and three prescriptions.

Is it wrong to be looking forward to being able to take one of the scripts? I've got cough syrup with codeine to help with the night time coughing and let me sleep. I LOOOOOOVE that stuff.

What's that I hear? Ahhh....silence

2007-03-13T12:38:00.000-05:00

Finally - a full 24 hour period of no email attacks on the character of any member of my whacked out family. Maybe these bitches have finally realized that their kids are, in fact, more adult than they are. I bet that's a sad realization. Too bad it always has been and always will be the case.

This morning I woke up feeling like I'd been hit by a Mack truck. The entire right side of my face is very tender to the touch and my throat feels as though I swallowed, without chewing, an entire package of Brillo pads. Thankfully, my nose isn't running - yet.

The weather today is awesome here. A balmy 74 degrees and plenty of sunshine. Finally! Too bad it's short lived, and more than likely the reason I feel the way I feel today. Never fails, the weather breaks and I get bronchial pneumonia. I could set my clock off that happening every stinking year. I get the flu shot now to help with that, I still get it - just not as bad.

The daylight savings time thing has really kicked my ass this year. The other night I went to bed at 9:30 and laid there trying to convince my body/mind that it wasn't 8:30 when it really was. Getting up in the morning is a treat too. I've never been a morning person and this is taking that to an all new level.

I stepped on the scale this morning and was pleasantly surprised. I'm down a total of 5 pounds. My ultimate goal was to drop 15 and get back down to 125 but remember I said I'd be happy at 130. Well, I'm almost there and it feels great! Gotta keep on keepin' on.

No ex-husband at the gym lately. Ha! Loser. Victory is mine.

The bulls**t continues

2007-03-12T12:47:00.000-05:00

The email war in my family rages on. Although, I've checked both my email accounts that I was getting this stuff at and surprisingly enough, no messages today. Thank God! Maybe the "adults" have finally decided they start acting like adults. I'm convinced this won't last very long - these bitches can't keep their effing mouths shut come hell or high water.

On Saturday morning I read an email from my youngest aunt (she's 9 years older than me) that indicated that she saw me give my 6 year old daughter permission to talk to another aunt. First of all, she was not at the table we were sitting at but at a table behind and off to the side of us, and second of all how can you give a 6 year old permission to talk or not to talk to anyone let alone an Aunt?!? She can believe whatever she wants to believe about what she "saw" but every person sitting at the table with me knows the truth - and her version ain't it.

I read that email and I was so pissed off I couldn't see straight. I thought for sure I'd broken our home computer with how hard I was slamming on the keys to get the whole thing turned off. No way was I going to ruin my weekend with that garbage.

So, the weather here in small town Illinois seems to have finally broken. Hallelujah! I'm so sick of cold and desperate for warm weather and lots of sunshine! I hate cold weather, always have and probably always will. Someday I might be able to convince my husband that we CAN live someplace warm all year round. Until then, I'm afraid I'm doomed to stay here. Too bad he doesn't have a job that would require him to relocate. Though, even if he did have to relocate with his company the best we could probably hope for would be Quincy, Illinois. There is a plant in California but I don't think they employ many people that don't speak Spanish in some form.

That's about it - nothing exciting going on here except for my family slicing each other's heads off with their words. Good thing there's lots and lots of beer around - I need it.

My Life - The made for TV Movie edition

2007-03-09T10:00:00.000-06:00

I think I need to hook up with someone who writes made for TV movies. I swear they would tell me that I'm making up the events of my life to sensationalize things. I'm not making this shit up. This kind of crazy is all real.

My family is currently involved in what I can only call an email defamiation of character attack.

I have three aunts that have decided to band together as one, putting my Aunt in Arizona with cancer in the front as their mouthpeice. She's been spouting off about all sorts of things since she was put on meds for her cancer and blames her irrational remarks on that. Now, I don't doubt that there are obvious side effects of the many drugs being pumped into her body in addition to the radiation, but it's not right to start saying things that have been pent up inside for years and blame it on the drugs. I'm pretty sure that chemo doesn't make you remember being whacked in the face with a putt-putt toy when she was 20 and I was 2. I'm sure it isn't helping that it was her only son that recently commited suicide either.

I have 2 cousins getting married this year. One is 23 and getting married next month here in town. The other is 28 and getting married in Chicago at the end of June. 23 year old cousin's parents (my aunt) are footing the bill for everything. (To the point where she wants to reimburse me for the $9 shoes I bought for my daughter, neice and cousin - the flower girls.) 28 year old cousin is footing her own bill, lock stock and barrel.

Jenn, the Chicago cousin, lives in the 'burbs and has for many years. She lives in a $200k+ house that she and her fiance purchased. She drives a brand new company car and has a very nice, high paying job. She's a big city girl to the core.

Amanda, the local cousin, lives here and always has. She lives in a $80k house that her parents bought for her (it's an "investment" if you ask them but nobody's paying any rent so I don't know how that can be a very successful investment). She drives an older car that's in ok shape. She's a hairdresser at a busy local salon. She's a small town girl.

You can't compare the two. No way, no how.

But somehow, Heidi (I know, I know - it's her again!) is doing just that.

God forbid if Jenn should happen to have anything nicer than Amanda.

I've kept my mouth shut, even though in a previous post I said I wouldn't. Jenn and I talked on the phone for nearly 2 hours the other night and were feeling better about the whole thing until the emails started coming again. This is a fucking joke.

There is no "we" in my family. It's turned in to keeping score of who helped who with what and how much it cost them, who's got the biggest, the best, the only whatever. This isn't the way families are supposed to be. Families are supposed to be there for each other and give what they can give when they can give it. Be it emotional or financial. We aren't all in positions in our lives where we can help out with money, but we can sure lend emotional support, drive someone around, pick up their kids, etc. Every little bit helps.

I know a lot of this is all pent up emotions. Since Eric's death and the events surrounding that we've all been kind of on edge. I do think that every one of us would benefit from some sort of grief recovery group, or suicide survivor's group, something of that nature. It's hard to go through each day knowing that he didn't feel that he had anyone to talk to about his troubles, to the point that he took a gun, put it to his head and pulled the trigger.

Not that I understand why he did that, because I don't and never will, but look at what's going on in my family. His actions almost make sense.

Destined to be

2007-03-07T13:11:00.000-06:00

It happened again last night. I walked into the gym to run and there was the asshole. Perfect.

I gave him a dose of his own medicine and ignored his presence. Looked right through him. Felt good. Damn good.

Toward the end of my workout I noticed a girl that walked up to his treadmill, took his bottle of water and took a drink of it. Things like that don't normally happen without a reaction unless the person doing that is your significant other. I didn't see clearly, but she looked a little, shall we say, thick.

Suddenly a smile passed over me. Ha! The jerk likes 'em thick now. Good for him.

So, I guess my luck of never crossing paths with my ex-husband has ended and we're destined to be side by side on treadmills at the fitness center. Oh well, could be worse I suppose.

Like my mom always said - Kill 'em with kindness.

Karma

2007-03-06T13:24:00.000-06:00

I got an email from my cousin Jenn a week ago or so, it's a pretty good one. After I read it I emailed her back and asked if she forwarded it to our Aunt Heidi as there were many times I thought specifically of her when I read.

I'm not computer savvy enough to figure out how to link it to this post. If you don't believe me, just ask Ms. Garima Gupta at Dell Tech Support. I had the fine pleasure of chatting with her for pretty much all day Sunday trying to get our home computer back from the land of the dead. Too much to get into here today - I'll save that tasty tidbit for another day.

Here's that email about Karma:

INSTRUCTIONS FOR LIFE

1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

2. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.

3. Follow the three R's: Respect for self, Respect for others, and Responsibility for all your actions.

4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.

5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.

6. Don't let a little dispute injure a great relationship.

7. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

8. Spend some time alone every day.

9. Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.

10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

11. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll be able to enjoy it a second time.

12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.

13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.

14. Share your knowledge. It is a way to achieve immortality.

15. Be gentle with the earth.

16. Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.

17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.

18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

19. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.

Small Town living

2007-03-01T14:46:00.000-06:00

Most of the time I'm happy that I live in a small town. The benefits of living here, versus living somewhere "in the City" are many - no rush hour traffic, no trouble finding a parking spot, reasonably priced housing, good schools, low crime rate, etc, etc.

The one thing that could be seen as a positive, as well as a negative, is that most people know everybody in town. It's good because, well, you know most everybody in town. It's bad because that means most everybody in town knows your business.

I've been here for basically my entire life. I did go away to college, but came right back for some reason. Oh yeah, I remember know, it was for a boy. More on that a little farther down.

We have roughly 7,200 people here in town. It's about a 10 minute ride to many surrounding small communities and about 20 minutes to good shopping. We're right smack dab in the middle of nowhere - 60 miles from Peoria, 60 miles from the Quad Cities, and about 125 miles from Chicago. Interstate 80 runs through the north end of town and the Amtrak station is at that end of town too. I can get anywhere I want/need to go/get without much effort.

I went away to college and made sure I was far enough away from home to be away from home, but close enough to home that I could get home without it taking too long. I figured 300 miles was good, so off to Charleston, Illinois and Eastern Illinois University I went. I loved it there. If things had been different I would have probably stayed in that area, or gone farther south yet - I do like the St. Louis area an awful lot.

Shortly after I started my "senior" year at EIU I started dating a guy from home. We were in High School together and was never anyone I thought I'd end up with. I actually pretty much hated him in High School. Should've been a clue.

Things got harder and harder with the long distance relationship. I would have rather spent time with him than worry about anything at all to do with school. Eventually, I dropped out before I was kicked out for lack of academic performance. I do blame that on him, maybe I shouldn't but, if not for our relationship I would have been much more focused.

On July 15, 1995 we got married. We were both 23. We were the first of the group of his buddies to be married. Doomed from the start.

In January of 1996 he moved out. In March of 1996 our divorce was finalized. We had no kids, no assets, only bills bills bills.

In the time that we've been divorced we've both lived in this same small town the entire time. We both remarried. We both had kids. He got divorced again. (Ha!) For some amazing reason, we rarely ever cross paths. I'm not complaining, at all. Like I always say, there's a reason we're divorced.

Last night I went to the Met at my normal time to work out. When I dropped my card at the desk the girl working made a weird look at me and kind of motioned into the cardio room. So I look in there to see what she's motioning at and there he is. On the machine right fricking next to the one I wanted. Figures.

Oh well, plenty of other things to choose from, I pick a treadmill out of his direct view and get going. There are tinted windows to the pool below just in front of the line of treadmills so you can look into the windows and see behind you pretty well. The asshole stared right at me the entire time, it was very obvious. Believe me, if looks could have killed I would have been on the floor dead in 2 seconds flat.

Being the bigger person, I keep going until my workout was done. I even smiled at him when he finished before me and got his stuff from the table just off to the side of the treadmill I was using.

So, when I went to check out and get my card back, the girl asks me how things went. I told her it was about as comfortable as getting a root canal without novocane.

I don't get it. I mean, I don't want him to be my friend - not at all. But we live in the same fricking small town and we're going to run into each other from time to time. I guess it's too much to ask that he acknowledge that we spent 5 years of our lives together. I mean, I seriously get more from strangers I pass walking on the street.

He needs to grow up and realize that HE is the one that walked out of the relationship. Time has passed. I'm happy with my life. I wouldn't change a thing, well, maybe I would erase that asshole.

Updates / Family / Insanity

2007-02-28T12:46:00.000-06:00

I don't know how, when or why, but I have finally broken the 140 lb. mark consistantly. It's unbelievable. For the past 4 days I've been in the 137 to 138 range. Yea for me!!!

I started eating those oatmeal bar things for breakfast, and drinking more water. Who knows, maybe that's the key. Just as long as the numbers keep going down I'll be happy. Remember, I'm aiming for 125 lbs. at 35 - so the countdown is really on now since my birthday is in April.

I guess we're (and by we I mean my husband) buying a new truck. I'm thrilled if you can't tell. I don't know what's wrong with the truck he has now to be completely honest. He's only had it for just over a year (14 months to be precise) and, ok, so it has nearly 50,000 miles on it and it's a 2002. So what? We still owe an arm and a leg on it so no matter how he sweet talks me into the new new truck I'm still looking at the money end of it and knowing that we're getting screwed.

With a capital S C R E W E D.

It will, though, be the first time in the 10 years we've been together that we've both had vehicles that are still under warranty of any sort. Which I guess has it's benefits.

But then I think, again, about how in 6 YEARS when we finally get this 2006 truck paid off it'll be 2012 and our daughter will be in 6th grade! Ahh.

Welcome to the real world where our monthly payments for vehicles exceeds our monthly mortgage payment including real estate taxes and insurance. I'm serious. By about $150 a month when he buys the new truck. Disgusting.

Anyway, I read a sign the other day in a junk catalog I get. I'm thinking about buying one, dozen, and handing them out to my family. Actually there were two:

"Welcome to the Looney Bin. Where abnormality is the normality at this locality"

(It had a picture of two Loon's sitting on a lake.)

"Welcome to the Nut House. Where the nuts don't fall too far from the tree."

(Which had a picture of a squirrel with a nut in it's hands/paws up to it's mouth)

My personal favorite is the Looney Bin one though. Maybe if I buy in bulk they'll give me a price break. I'll have to look into that, for sure.

It's going about as well as I thought it would

2007-02-26T13:28:00.000-06:00

Not at all.

Friday morning I had a bagel.
Friday night I had pizza.
Saturday night I had pasta.
Sunday night I had leftover pasta.
Today for lunch I had rice.
Tonight with supper we're having baked sweet potatoes.

It isn't easy for me to cut these things out of my daily diet. By isn't easy I think I really mean impossible.

Oh For the Love of.....

2007-02-22T10:14:00.000-06:00

Potatoes.

Bagels.

Pasta.

Bread.

Refined Sugar.

That's right folks, I have to cut back in an attempt to cut out all the things I love the most - starchy fillers otherwise known as carbs.

I finally connected with someone at my doctor's office to help me with my questions about the read on my triglycerides. Mine came back at 150, which is considered border line. If you read my previous post about my lipid profile results you'll recall that they told me the triglycerides can be controlled by diet and exercise.

I've certainly got the exercise issue under control.

Now for the diet. Not looking forward to that part.

I love carbs. I mean L O O O O O V E carbs. I would eat some form of potato for every meal if I could get away with it. When we go out to eat I load up on the bread they bring out and could care less for my steak. I've always been that way. Hell, I even love instant mashed potatoes.

So, I was told to cut back on the carbs and watch my refined sugars, i.e. anything white.

It's gonna be hard. No doubt. I suppose I can still splurge from time to time but I'm guessing my once a week morning bagel schmeared with real butter is out of the question. Bummer, I real bummer.

So, this weekend when I do our weekly grocery shopping there will certainly be some new items in the shopping cart. Low carb versions of the things I love so much.

It's a good thing. I'll be eating more healthy food and I'm sure it'll help with my overall goal of dropping a few pounds. It'll have to be a family affair, and I know we'll all reap some sort of benefit. So, I guess I'm all for it. Don't know that I have much of a choice.

Just another example of how pathetic our society is

2007-02-20T15:09:00.000-06:00

Brittany Spears checked in and immediately checked out of rehab. She shaved her head bald. She got two new tattoos. She checked back into rehab.

Who gives a rats ass?!?

I'm having a hard time dealing with all the media attention given to the death of Anna Nicole Smith, celebrities going in and out of rehab, rich bitches flashing their naughty niblets due to lack of panties, etc, etc, etc.

Doesn't anybody remember that there's a war going on that literally thousands of our troops are engaged in? I can't even remember the last news cast I saw that reported an American casualty of war. Did they stop reporting them? Have the national channels passed that duty on the local channels?

I'm not for or against the war. I guess I'm stuck in the middle on that one. I certainly don't agree with all the deaths, I know that for sure. I guess I, like many other people, feel completely detached from it. I don't have any friends or family in the military, none of my liberties have been lost, I don't live in an area that was affected by any terroist attacks.

I am, however, frightened to think about what the world is going to be like for my daughter in 10, 15, 20 more years.

The results are in

2007-02-16T08:48:00.000-06:00

So I got my lab results back from the lipid profile I got done late last week.

My numbers are all below "average" except for one - triglycerides. I'm at 150 on those, which they said is normal but still considered borderline. She told me there's no need for medication and that it can normally be lowered naturally with diet and exercise.

I guess that statement didn't sink in with me until the next day, because all of the sudden it hit me that the nurse mentioned diet and exercise.

Hello?!? I run 3 miles a day, six days a week.

I did a little online research and learned that triglycerides tell how much fat is in your blood. Common sense tells me that if my other numbers are below average and the triglycerides are borderline something must be terribly wrong with (1) my diet or (2) the test. Me, I'm leaning more toward a problem with the test.

So I talked to my husband about this deal and we agreed. We don't eat much fried food, we bake a lot of things to get the fried "crunch" without the fried "grease". This whole triglycerides thing just doesn't make much sense.

So, I've been playing phone tag with two nurses at the doctors office since Tuesday. I think I may have found my own answer. WebMD linked me to another site that indicates that certain types of medication, which they list in great detail, can affect your triglyceride levels. Guess what, I take one of the medications listed. So I'm trying to talk this over with the doctors office and make sure they're aware of this medication since it has been prescribed to me by another doctor in a totally different office.

We'll see what they say. I can tell you this though - I don't know if my body can take anything more than my current workout schedule and if I have to cut out any of the few "bad" things I presently eat I don't know what I'll do.

People here never cease to amaze me

2007-02-15T12:44:00.000-06:00

We got hit with some pretty bad winter weather the first of the week. It started out Monday as just scattered snow flurries and then all hell broke loose Tuesday.

All the area schools were closed and most businesses that did open didn't stay open long. Even us lawyer type people got to have half a snow day!

So Wednesday morning it was back to normal, as normal as winter in Illinois can be, that is.

As I was getting ready for work I was listening to the radio and in all the news casts they made mention about the number of cars in ditches on major highways (Interstate 80 runs through the edge of town here), local snow related fender benders, etc.

Every year as I listen to these reports on the radio I make the same comments: It's Illinois. It's winter. It snows here. Happens every year. Yet every year people drive like they've never seen snow in their lives and do stupid shit that causes themselves or others to be involved in snow related accidents.

I've had my drivers license for nearly 20 years now.

I've lived in Illinois for nearly 35 years now.

I've never once been involved in any sort of snow related traffic accident.

Because, you see, I know that the snow is gonna happen. And I know that you don't drive like a fricking moron when there's 6 inches of snow on the ground and the streets are poorly plowed. I also know that inclement weather does not mean that you get to drive like your ass is on fire when you're on the Interstate.

Sheez people. When should I expect you to catch on to the learning curve here?

Blech.

2007-02-12T12:37:00.000-06:00

Well my weekend was more or less shot. I was sick all weekend long and it's even carried over into Monday. Imagine that. A Monday that sucks. Now there's something unusual. OK, so it isn't.

I have no idea how I ended up feeling the way I've felt for the past 4 days. It all started Friday night after we ate. I ordered the same gut bomb pizza from V's that we get almost every week. I had one beer, same Bud Lite as always. Two pieces of pizza, like usual. So where in the world did the massive pain in my abdomen come from.

I'm pooping fine. I've eaten more antacid's than any person should in a lifetime. I've watched what I've eaten - which hasn't been much of anything this weekend - to keep it "bland". No dairy. No caffeine - which causes it's own problems when you're addicted to it and don't get it killer caffeine headache - which was hard. I basically ate applesauce, bread, and drank water. Still not feeling good today.

The pain has minimized, I guess I have to give it that. But it's still pretty constant. I do think I'm getting a little better since I am actually hungry today. I just got back from lunch and I had instant mashed potatoes with just butter on them, used chicken broth instead of water. I felt half way great before I ate. Now I don't so much. The pain is coming back.

My husband thought I might have appendicitis. But, a little WebMD research gave me the info that appendicitis pain is on the right side, mine's on the left. So, no self diagnosis happening today. I don't know. I guess I'll just keep going on the bland-o's until I feel better. I have added the caffeine back in, the headache isn't worth the pain.

On a good note, I guess if there is one to this, I lost 4 pounds this weekend.